Riddles and Jokes

[guitarchitect7]

I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

Plus I thought this could be fun!

[joepublic]

Originally Posted by guitarchitect7

I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

Plus I thought this could be fun!

Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?
A: Telling your dad you are gay.

That will get you fired.

[Cyclonesrule91]

Q: What is an invisible man's favorite drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

My 7 yr old told me that one last night

[wolverine68]

I found this at a site called boreme.com, I 've attempted to clean up the language...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars?
What about those long and boring conference calls?
Here's a way to change all of that:

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

basically
core competencies
best practice
bottom line
revisit

obviously
to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
24/7
out of the loop
benchmark

value-added
proactive
win-win
think outside the box
essentially

"hit the nail on the head",
"having said that"
"ya know what I'm say'n"
at the end of the day
touch base

he goes/she goes
client focus(ed)
paradigm
"I'm like"
leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULL****!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Testimonials from satisfied "Bull**** Bingo" players:
"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam W, Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David T, Orlando

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J, New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G, Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL****!' for
the third time in two hours." - Richard C, Chicago

[jdoggivjc]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it? " the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

" Thank God, " said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! "

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[SuperCy]

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

[guitarchitect7]

Originally Posted by joepublic

Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?
A: Telling your dad you are gay.

That will get you fired.

Sadly enough, they might like it. Its just the way they are.

Edit: its laid back is what I meant, not that anyone is homophobic or anything.

[cytech]

Originally Posted by jdoggivjc

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! "

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Hahaha now that was great

[Psyclone Brian]

Still my favorite...

Q. What do Hawkeye & Cyclone fans have in common?

A. Neither have attended the University of Iowa

[clones_jer]

Originally Posted by SuperCy

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

I have no idea why, but this one is killing me!!!

[clones_jer]

Two cows standing in a pasture, one says "hey, did you hear the herd down at farmer Johnsons place came down with mad cow disease?"

other replies, "yeah, don't worry ... it doesn't affect us chickenz"

[guitarchitect7]

pretty good guys. I expected more replies, must all be playing the new game.

[chadm]

Originally Posted by guitarchitect7

I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

Plus I thought this could be fun!

Went as well then as now.

[peteypie]

Why did tigger have his head stuck in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

[Cyclonesrule91]

You know why Giraffe's have long necks?

Because their feet stink.