An ISU fan and his smokin' girlfriend walk into a bar in Iowa City, sit down at the bar and order a glass of wine. Everyone in the bar becomes dead silent and they begin to stare at the couple.
The bartender smiles with a toothless grin at the man and says "Wine?, This is Iowa City, we don't serve no wine here! Where are you two from anyhow?"
The man replies "we're from Ames"
"What kinda work you do up there in Ames, son?" asks the bartender
"I'm a taxadermist" replies the man
"A what?" replies the bartender suspiciously
"A tax-a-derm-ist" replies the man, "I mount animals"
"Yeeeeehaaaaw" screams the bartender, and then yells to everyone else in the bar, "it's OK boys, he's one of us!"
A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is an Iowa
Hawkeye. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Hawkeyes too.
No one really knows what a Hawkeye is, but wanting to be like their teacher
their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one
exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher
asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I’m not a Hawkeye.”
“Then,” asks the teacher, “what are you?”
“Why, I’m a proud Iowa State Cyclone,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen
why she is a Cyclone.
“Well, my mom and dad are Cyclones, so I’m a Cyclone too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your
mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is an Iowa
Hawkeye. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Hawkeyes too.
No one really knows what a Hawkeye is, but wanting to be like their teacher
their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one
exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher
asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I’m not a Hawkeye.”
“Then,” asks the teacher, “what are you?”
“Why, I’m a proud Iowa State Cyclone,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen
why she is a Cyclone.
“Well, my mom and dad are Cyclones, so I’m a Cyclone too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your
mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
Did you hear about the student who trasferred from Iowa State to the University of Iowa?
He raised the collective IQ of both schools.
_____________
What did the student from Iowa State do when the Hawkeye fan threw a grenade at him?
He pulled the pin out and threw it back.
_______
What’s the difference between a Hawkeye cheerleader and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
________-
All Christmas programs in Iowa City will be cancelled this year.
Nowhere in the city can there be found Three Wise Men nor a Virgin!
________
A woman was walking through her new house with the contractor. As they walked through rooms, she told him what color she wanted him to paint each room. In the bedroom she said, “I think this would be nice in a cream.” The contractor stuck his head out of the window and yelled, “GREEN SIDE UP!” This perplexed the woman. They moved to the living room and she said, “I would love rose in this area.” Again the contractor strolled over to the window and yelled, “GREEN SIDE UP!” Again the woman was confused but did not say anything. As they walked into the kitchen she proudly announced that she wanted this room to be, “a glorious shade of mauve.” Once again the contractor went to the window and yelled,”GREEN SIDE UP!” Finally she could not stand this anymore. “What are you shouting GREEN SIDE UP out every window of this house?” He replied, ?I’m sorry. I have a crew of Iowa students laying sod across the street.”
_______________-
A Cyclone fan had a habit of scaring Hawkeye pedestrians when he saw them by swerving his car toward them, then pulling away at the last moment.
One day the Cyclone picked up a hitchhiking priest. As they were driving along, the Cyclone spotted a Hawk fan by the side of the road and, without thinking, swerved toward him. He barely missed the hawkeye, and the sudden swerve caused the priest’s door to swing open and he almost fell out.
“Good heavens, Father,” said the horrified Cyclone fan. “I’m terribly, terribly sorry.”
“Don’t worry, my son,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door.”
_________________-
Two Hawkeyes were driving down the road when they saw another Hawkeye in a canoe in the middle of a bean field, paddling away.
“Look at that…how stupid,” one Hawkeye says.
“No kidding!” the other says “If I could swim, I’d go out there and tell him to put on a life jacket!”
_________________--
A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is an Iowa
Hawkeye. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Hawkeyes too.
No one really knows what a Hawkeye is, but wanting to be like their teacher their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I’m not a Hawkeye.”
“Then,” asks the teacher, “what are you?”
“Why, I’m a proud Iowa State Cyclone,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Cyclone.
“Well, my mom and dad are Cyclones, so I’m a Cyclone too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
“Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a Hawkeye.”
_______________________-
Three Hawkeyes and three Cyclones are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Hawkeyes each buy tickets and watch as the three Cyclones buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on one ticket?” asked one of the Hawkeyes.
“Watch and you will see,” answers one of the Cyclones.
They all board the train. The Hawkeyes take their respective seats, but all three Cyclones cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Hawkeyes saw this and agreed that it was a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Hawkeyes decide to copy the Cyclones on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Cyclones don’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one of the perplexed Hawkeyes.
“Watch and you will see”, says one of the Cyclones.
When they board the train, the three Hawkeyes cram into a restroom and the three Cyclones cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Cyclones leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Hawkeyes are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”
____________-
What did the average Hawkeye player get on his ACT test?
Drool!
__________
What’s the difference between a female Hawkeye fan and a bullhead?
One is stinky with big whiskers and the other one is a fish.
---------
How do you get an Iowa graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
----------------------
State of Iowa Quarters:
Hang on to any of the new state of Iowa quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Iowa quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
“We are recalling all the new Iowa quarters that were recently issued,” Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford announced Monday. “This action is being taken after nemerous reports that the new quartes will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices.”
The quarters weree issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
“The Problem lies in the unique design submitted by a committee comprised of University of Iowa Football Players and Cheerleaders,” Shackleford said. “Apparently, the duct tape holding the 2 dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.”
---------------
Q: How many Iowa students does it take to fix a flat tire?
A: Two. One to hold the drinks, and one to call daddy.
-------------
A Hawkeye who was a devote environmentalist volunteered to talk about whales to a class of first graders. The Hawkeye explained that even though whales were very large, they could only swallow very small things since they had a small throat.
A little girl in the class said, “That can’t be true because a whale swallowed Jonah.”
The Hawkeye explained that the story about Jonah was just fiction and wasn’t true.
The little girls said, “Well, when I get to heaven, I’ll ask him if a whale swallowed him.”
The Hawkeye explained that maybe Jonah didn’t go to heaven, maybe he went to hell.
The little girl said, “Then you ask him.”
-------------
The Iowa cheerleader was asked what was closer: Miami or the moon. Her response: "Duh, I can see the moon."
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There are 4 Hawkeye Football players in a car. Who is driving?
The police
_______
What do a Kirk Ferentz and Steve Alford team have in common?
They both peak in November.
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Why can't the hawkeyes form a huddle? It's against their probation, they cannot consort with other known felons.
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Originally Posted by Tweedt4Cy 
Kyle S. Flander
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