What is your best Hawkeye joke of all time?

brinkch · 08-29-2006, 01:39 PM

I don't know about the rest of you, but as the lone Cyclone fan in my group of friends in Cedar Rapids, I've already started getting a rash of anti-Cyclone propaganda in my email box in the form of jokes and trash talk. I could use a little ammunition to return.

Could you please respond with your all-time best Hawkeye jokes. It's time to put the women and children to bed and go huntin' for dinner!!!

ISUCY11 · 08-29-2006, 02:00 PM

Steve Alford
last years football team
Pierre Pierce
Adam Haluska
Jess Settles
etc

...oh, you wanted a real joke...

ISUCY11 · 08-29-2006, 02:00 PM

what was the score of last years football game?

give up?

zdorr40 · 08-29-2006, 02:01 PM

What does Iowa basketball have in common with Iowa football?

They both peak in November.

ISUFan22 · 08-29-2006, 02:02 PM

Who needs jokes? I just take pride in the wins.

zdorr40 · 08-29-2006, 02:07 PM

A UNI student, an ISU student, and an Iowa student are leaving a frat party when they notice a co-ed passed out buck naked in the bushes by the house. Being the gentlemen they are, the UNI student places his hat over the woman's left boob, the ISU student places his hat over the right boob, and the Iowa fan places his hat over the crotch. They then proceed to call the police.

The cops show up and the detective lifts up the UNI hat and jots down some notes on his notepad. The detective then lifts up the ISU hat and jots down some more notes.

Finally, the detective lifts up the Iowa hat, stares for a while and puts it back down. Then he picks it up again, thinks for a while, scratches his head and puts the hat back down again. He does this a third time and the ISU student asks the detective, "Are you some kind of pervert? What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry. I'm a little confused." the detective says. "The only times I've seen an Iowa hat, there's been an a$$hole under it."

cyjlt · 08-29-2006, 02:14 PM

What do Iowa and Iowa State fans have in common?

Neither one went to the Univertsity of Iowa.

Cyclonesrule91 · 08-29-2006, 02:18 PM

You know your a hawkeye because you think you have a personalized license plate because your Father made it.....

ISUFan22 · 08-29-2006, 02:22 PM

Oh...how 'bout the year Iowa had all the pre-season accolades and went on to win the national championship? Wasn't that coo-....

Wait....never mind...

besserheimerphat · 08-29-2006, 02:29 PM

"Knock knock."
"Whose there?"
"F*** you."

If you want to draw out the punchline, punch him in the face and then say "F*** you."

ISU_phoria · 08-29-2006, 02:42 PM

An ISU student, a UNI student, & an Iowa student were all working together one summer for the DOT building a new bridge over the Mississippi. At lunch time the three of them sat down to eat. The ISU student opened his cooler and said: "Ham Sandwich again, if I have to eat ham one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge." The UNI student opened his cooler, saw a turkey sandwich and said: "If I have to eat turkey one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge too." Finally the Iowa student opened his cooler, found a PB&J sandwich and he too declared he would jump off the bridge if he had to eat one more PB&J sandwich.

The next day the three guys sat down for lunch on the bridge deck, the ISU student opened his cooler, found the ham sandwich, which pushed him over the edge and he then jumped off the bridge, falling to his death. Similarily, the UNI and Iowa students found the turkey & PB&J sandwiches respectively and both jumped to their deaths.

Later that week, the three mothers of the students were discussing the demise of their children when the ISU student's mother asked: "Why didn't he just ask for a different kind of sandwich, I would have gladly made it for him?" The UNI student's mother chimed in with the same comment.

Lastly, the Iowa student's mother said while weeping: "I just don't get it, he packed his own lunch every morning!"

GO CLONES!

monkeybrow · 08-29-2006, 02:51 PM

what does Drew Tate and a mental from London like me have in common?

neither of us will even sniff a heisman

ISU_phoria · 08-29-2006, 02:56 PM

One more short one:

Q: How do you get an Iowa Cheerleader into your dorm room?

A: Grease her hips and push like hell

ISU_phoria · 08-29-2006, 02:59 PM

Too Much fun, I can't help myself...

A guy walks into a bar in Iowa City and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Ames."

The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Ames?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"

The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

flander1649 · 08-29-2006, 03:13 PM

A man enters a bar & orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail & then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "162" & the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics & spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology & sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed & thinks, "This is really cool."He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around& comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink & asks him,"What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns &women's body parts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar & decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out & returns; the robot serves him & asks, "What's your IQ?"The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

The robot says... real slowly, "So.. how.. bout.. them.. Hawkeyes?"