Please Keep Bill

Wesley · 11-09-2007, 09:15 AM

Here is a recent intercepted email from the UNL servers:

Tom,

I respect you as a coach.

I understand your mission is to get this train back on the track.

I know you have asked me to resign.

Yet, I have done an excellent job and will continue to do the best I can for this team.

I have worked my tail off for these dedicated kids.

Yes, I know you want to take the easy road.

You have not been perfect either in your decisions, Tom.

You pushed Harv to hire Steve "Mr. Dyno-mite" Pederson

, then highly recommended your little buddy Frank Solich

and told 5-5 Frank he had to keep all the old 68 year old coaches, and then you hired little 5-6 me.

Tom, I am still playing 13 of Frank's boys and we just can't win.

We ran the 3-4, the 4-5, the 5-3, and everyone in the box. We cannot stop butter from melting on the pavement, but we really tried (really did

). I know we looked like some red matadors out there in the Kansas game, but we played 60 minutes. We did stop them on the first and last possession. I see improvement.

I know I am doing an excellent job in all phases of the game. However, my poor kids cannot remember the 859 plays and we react slowly to the action on the field.

However, we have had fewer players in jail this year. We are no Iowa City.

I was asked to resign. I thought about that proposition for two minutes. Here is what I think should happen. I think you should get off my back because if we win two more games, we can go to Shreveport.

And what about our poor Frank Solich seniors if I quit?

You do not want to mess with their minds. I have obtained the services of Scott Boras, and I will tell you he thinks I am worth a $10M buyout. Just send the truck with the money over to my house.

The fans have made my life miserable. I cannot even go into Hy Vee and not be laughed at anymore.

That is why I need $10M - to absorb all the insults and the Red Ridicule. That is why I wear brown and black sweaters now, - so they will not recognize me in Hy Vee.

Bill

P.S. I will truly miss the state of the art film breakdown facilities. It serves well as a movie theater during the week. If you keep me on board I can get you even, more 4 and 5 stars.

Wesley · 11-09-2007, 09:30 AM

Did anyone else intercept emails about the plight of Bill? Maybe Barney Cotton might return to UNL? Turner Gill is in the mix. Pelini is heard quite often. Scott Frost could come back from UNI. Dave Rimmington would not mind being the new AD.

Looks like the big day will be Monday after Colorado if he will not resign. It is all about money and prestige. Bill wants to beat both KState and Colorado just like we want to do.

How could his team collapse so much from last year to this? Was Adam Carriker and Jay Moore the inivisible glue?

ISUFan22 · 11-09-2007, 09:31 AM

I think you missed a few emoticons...