Someone requested this in another thread, but I thought some of you over here on the football side of things would get a kick out of it. It's an
ISU parody of the MTV show Real World. Enjoy!
(Courtesy Iowa State Daily and Brent Blum)
Let’s be honest. It has been a rough year for the Cyclone football team. The team isn’t performing up to anyone’s expectation level. And nobody is pleased with the results. I could drone on and on about what is wrong with the ‘fellas in cardinal and gold. But it has all been said already. In these situations, laughter is often the best relief.
Being that it is Homecoming at this great institution, I thought I would bring back a new version of the ever-popular column of mine from April titled, “Real World: Ames.” In that fictional column, roommates Dan McCarney, Wayne Morgan, Jessica Simpson, and Ron Artest were shopping around for an apartment in Ames. Well, this time around Jessica and Ron have left town, Dan and Wayne have joined a fraternity of which Shawn Taggart and Larry Eustachy are fellow members. Needless to say, hilarity ensues.
6:30 p.m. Friday, October 20- The frat brothers are wrapping up the finishing touches of their bronze medal winning lawn display.
Dan McCarney: Obviously men, this is a real tremendous, tremendous looking lawn display. The mental toughness all of you have shown in building this outstanding piece of work is something we can be real, real proud of. No doubt about it.
Wayne Morgan: I don’t know Mac, I’ll have to look at the tape. I feel like we may have rushed the construction a bit. It’s kind of like a wild boar who furiously eats a gazelle in the Sahara desert on a Sunday morning. Too much, too fast makes you sick.
Larry Eustachy (lounging on a chair, raising his beer): Wayne, you know my motto: Nothing is too fast when you’ve got a Natty Light. Am I right? Or am I right? Taggart will defend me on this one.
Shawn Taggart (Nervously glancing around): Somebody say something about defense? I don’t do defense. I’ll be on the first train to Memphis.
LE: Memphis? The girls at Kansas are much hotter. Hey! Who wants to shotgun a beer with me?
DM: Larry, I love that look in your eye, but we aren’t competing in some Conference USA lawn display contest. This is the Big 12. We aren’t going to get to our sixth bronze medal lawn display finish in seven years if we continue to shotgun brewskis. We have come way too far to go back. That attitude is happy horsecrap, just happy horsecrap. No doubt about it.
WM: I’ll tell you something about horsecrap. If you step in it, the best thing to do is step in it some more. You really have to plant and pivot. It’s kind of like digging for gold on the western frontier in 1849 without a backpack or a place to stay and only scraps for food. It’s a lot like that.
ST: Coach Morgan, I don’t know what that means. Does that mean I get to shoot the rock? I love to shoot the rock.
LE: I’ll tell you what you can shoot. You can shoot me another six-pack. It’s going down smooooooth tonight boys.
ST: Coach Morgan, why is Larry so crazy? He keeps asking me to pass him stuff. You know I can’t do that.
WM: It’s okay Shawn. It’s like I told Curtis Stinson. Passing is like being the chauffeur of an up-scale limo company that escorts the likes of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and those brief-case models from ‘Deal or No Deal.’ It’s all in the presentation. All in the presentation.
(Taggart, McCarney, and Eustachy look extremely confused and quickly change the subject)
DM: Obviously men, those Delts are a real, real talented, tremendously coached lawn display team. Their Campanile reconstruction looks outstanding, tremendous and phenomenal. Just phenomenal. We’re going to have to play mistake free lawn display ball to control the judges. No turnovers.
ST and WM: Did you say turnovers? We know something about that!
LE: Oh, he said it. (Sipping some more beer as some sorority girls walk by) I tell you what I’d like to turn over. Am I right? Or am I right?
(The frat brothers high five and share a laugh as they continue to work on their lawn display.)
Thanks to everyone for having a sense of humor. Have a great Homecoming. Go Cyclones!
Brent Blum is a senior in Journalism and Communication from Urbandale. He hosts the Cyclone Radio Network's football postgame show. Blum can also be heard from 10 a.m. to noon Sundays on 1430 KASI and read at CycloneNation.com.
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