Ideas needed.

**chadm** · 01-02-2007, 11:50 AM

For those you you have presented or attend meetings, I could use some help. I am looking for some opening lines or jokes. My list has run out and I have two days of meetings to present the next two days. They need to be appropriate for both genders and business professional. Thanks.

**jtdoyle1** · 01-02-2007, 12:25 PM

How about:

I heard this weekend that Saddam Hussein was hung...
No wonder he had so many wives. Zing

Or is that in poor taste? I 'm going to hell.

**cycloneworld** · 01-02-2007, 12:27 PM

http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1240

**amyk33** · 01-02-2007, 12:54 PM

Could you use interactive ice breakers? Or should this be something you say? I have some ideas that are better as activities. What is the group size?

**chadm** · 01-02-2007, 12:56 PM

I guess I should have realized, that this probably isn't a question to ask this board during the day. The majority of the poster's are either still in college, or have bad work ethics.

Pot meet kettle.

**chadm** · 01-02-2007, 12:58 PM

Could you use interactive ice breakers? Or should this be something you say? I have some ideas that are better as activities. What is the group size?

Cross posting, Amy.
Verbal would probably be better, but if you have a good interative idea I will take it.

**ornryactor** · 01-02-2007, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by chadm

I guess I should have realized, that this probably isn't a question to ask this board during the day. The majority of the poster's are either still in college, or have bad work ethics. Pot meet kettle.

Hey, I resent that remark. I think that many of the college students here have pretty intelligent senses of humor. Besides, from what I've seen, you 'old farts' don't make too many highbrow jokes, either...

**guitarchitect7** · 01-02-2007, 01:03 PM

Maybe try the riddle threads that we posted in a while ago. Not a whole lot of jokes, but some funny riddles.

Riddle v1.0 (Riddle, fiddle. piddle paddle)

Riddle v3.0 (Gobble, gobble, riddle robble...)

Riddle v4.0 (Riddles, Reviews, and Rambles!)

Riddle v2.0 (Riddle, fiddle, piddle, paddle V2.0)

**dinger** · 01-02-2007, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by chadm

I guess I should have realized, that this probably isn't a question to ask this board during the day. The majority of the poster's are either still in college, or have bad work ethics.

Pot meet kettle.

What do you mean "or?" I'm still in college AND have a had work ethic thank you very much.

**amyk33** · 01-02-2007, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by ornryactor

Hey, I resent that remark. I think that many of the college students here have pretty intelligent senses of humor. Besides, from what I've seen, you 'old farts' don't make too many highbrow jokes, either...

Oooh, burn!

**clones_jer** · 01-02-2007, 01:08 PM

Man is driving down a lonely strech of hwy, when he notices a hitchhiker along the side of the road carrying a 15' pole. He stops and picks up the hitchiker (they figure out he can hold on to his pole out the window).

As they're begin driving the man thinks he has heard something about olympic trials in the next city, so he asks the hitchhiker "So ... are you a pole-vaulter?"

the hitchhiker looks startled and replys "Aye, but how did you know my name was V(w)alter" (said in a thick accent).

Very cheesey - perfect with old people.

**chadm** · 01-02-2007, 01:23 PM

Oooh, burn!

Kids these days.

I have to go see If my Social Security check is in the mail, be back later.

**clones_jer** · 01-02-2007, 01:23 PM

a saleman is driving down an lonely hwy and is running low on fuel so he stops at a station in a small town thats really nothing more than 5 old houses and the gas pump.

as he's filling up he notices an old indian man sitting on the porch across the street. He goes to pay for his gas and mentions the man to the attendant who replies "yeah, that old indian is amazing, he has a memory like a steel trap - ask him anything from his 85 years and he'll retell it like it was yesterday"

The salesman walks out and is just about in his car, when he figues he might as well ask the man something. So he walks up and says "hello there, I hear you have quite the memory?" the indian nods "well then ... " the salesman says "what did you have for breakfast on you 11th birthday?" the old indian thinks for a moment, the replies "eggs".

The salesman is impressed, but as he drives off he thinks "anybody could have eggs for breakfast" but forgets about it and drives on.

10 years later the salesman again drives through the town, and notices the same old indian on the same porch. He stops again and jumps out of the car raising his hand in his best tonto impression and says "how"

the indian grumbles "scrambled".

**chadm** · 01-02-2007, 02:05 PM

Maybe try the riddle threads that we posted in a while ago. Not a whole lot of jokes, but some funny riddles.

I could see a riddle working real well. Thanks guitarchitect.

Besides, from what I've seen, you 'old farts' don't make too many highbrow jokes, either...

Remember we 'old farts' may be older and have settled down a little, but we will still be your bosses when you graduate.

As a wise person told me, you are only as old as you act.

**JRE1975** · 01-02-2007, 02:22 PM

Good lawyer joke-

An old man is about to die and is hell bent on taking his money with him. So to his death bed he summons his minister, the hospital administrator and his lawyer. He takes all the money he has in the bank gives them each $30,000 of cash and tells them just before they close the casket he instructs them to each put the envelopes with the $30,000 of cash in the casket just before they close it.

The old man soon dies and at his grave side service the three put the envelopes in the casket as instructed just before it was closed.

As the three walked away from the service the minister is the first to talk and say he is feeling guilty because he kep $10,000 for the building fund at the church and only put $20,000 in the casket.

The hospital administrator feels bad and admits to keeping $20,000 for the new children's wing of the hospital.

The lawyer acts real shocked and says "I can not believe you two did not do what you were asked, I put my personal check in for the whole $30,000..."