Another Breaking News Story from The DM Register

[chuckd4735]

http://www.dmregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/ar...6/60718028/1003



One again, a breaking news story from the Des Moines Register. An accidental fire alarm that interupted a CPR class fro 10 minutes. Good job to the RAG for being on top of these breaking news events. Dont know what I would do without this delightful newspaper!

[jperickson23]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(chuckd4735 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 11&#58;47 am) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> http://www.dmregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/ar...6/60718028/1003



One again, a breaking news story from the Des Moines Register. An accidental fire alarm that interupted a CPR class fro 10 minutes. Good job to the RAG for being on top of these breaking news events. Dont know what I would do without this delightful newspaper&#33;

[/b][/quote]

A dog took a dump on my front lawn this morning. Maybe I should alert the rag. I&#39;m sure it would tomorrow&#39;s headline&#33;&#33;

[ISUFan22]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jperickson23 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 12&#58;01 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>

A dog took a dump on my front lawn this morning. Maybe I should alert the rag. I&#39;m sure it would tomorrow&#39;s headline&#33;&#33;

[/b][/quote]

Yes, but was that dog wearing an Iowa State collar? If so, then it would be newsworthy.

[chuckd4735]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ISUFan22 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 12&#58;05 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>

Yes, but was that dog wearing an Iowa State collar? If so, then it would be newsworthy.


[/b][/quote]



Yeah, Witosky would report that it was Pollards dog.

[ISUFan22]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(chuckd4735 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 12&#58;06 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>



Yeah, Witosky would report that it was Pollards dog.

[/b][/quote]

Did the dog also crap on an Iowa fans lawn? &#39;Cause if it did, the TV crews would sweep in.

Plus...the NCAA may launch an investigation into whether the dog ingested something on the NCAA&#39;s illegal substance list...conducting various tests on the dog&#39;s fecal matter.

[chuckd4735]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ISUFan22 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 12&#58;09 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>

Did the dog also crap on an Iowa fans lawn? &#39;Cause if it did, the TV crews would sweep in.

Plus...the NCAA may launch an investigation into whether the dog ingested something on the NCAA&#39;s illegal substance list...conducting various tests on the dog&#39;s fecal matter.
[/b][/quote]



Not good news, I could see us losing at least 3 scholarships for this. I&#39;d like to call Witosky and ask him about how he was able to do such an investigation on the news story of the year, but I&#39;m sure he would "still be investigating" the story, and not able to comment on his findings.....

[dbronco7sc]

I&#39;m pretty sure the dog wasn&#39;t using any illegal substances... I&#39;ve seen it going on walks every morning for the past 6 months... rigorous training... just because the dog was able to outrun the pound after taking care of business on Drew Tate&#39;s lawn... they always point to illegal drugs. I do feel bad for Tate though, I hear he got a concussion trying to tackle the dog.

[Jeremy]

I can&#39;t stop laughing:) That&#39;s priceless. We could start a counter headline everyday for the Rag and then send them to the editors so they get the hint eventually (or they may just post them thinking it&#39;s real news).

[chuckd4735]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Jeremy &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 1&#58;21 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> I can&#39;t stop laughing:) That&#39;s priceless. We could start a counter headline everyday for the Rag and then send them to the editors so they get the hint eventually (or they may just post them thinking it&#39;s real news). [/b][/quote]



LOL...that would be great. The best part about this article is that Randy Peterson acctually called Tom Kroeschell up to get a quote from him about the alarm. “It happens sometimes,” Iowa State media relations director Tom Kroeschell said. I bet there will be an investigation done by the RAG as to what staff member pulled the alarm. My guess is Barney Cotton, I have been told that he is quite the jokester.

[ISUFan22]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(chuckd4735 &#064; 07&#045;18&#045;06 1&#58;36 pm) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>



LOL...that would be great. The best part about this article is that Randy Peterson acctually called Tom Kroeschell up to get a quote from him about the alarm. "It happens sometimes," Iowa State media relations director Tom Kroeschell said. I bet there will be an investigation done by the RAG as to what staff member pulled the alarm. My guess is Barney Cotton, I have been told that he is quite the jokester.

[/b][/quote]

Tom Witosky is soon to report the alarm was pulled by none other than Jason Berryman, escaping from the Jacobson building after stealing Curvey&#39;s Ipod. While Tom can&#39;t comment on his findings, because, he actually has nothing to back it up - he expects to have some real hard bullsh*t that to lend no help to his story.

In other news, Curvey was on the can while his Ipod was being lifted. It&#39;s rumored Curvey backed up the sewer line going from the Jacobson Building. Expectations are Nancy Clark will pressure the NCAA into an investigation of the incident, asking for ISU to suspend Curve for the season and donate their entire 2007 athletic budget to the Iowa High School Athletic Association.



Pollard was quoted in saying “No problem, here’s your &#036;50, Nancy. Be sure to forward it on to the appropriate parties”.

[chuckd4735]

OK i&#39;m in tears now...LOL. Thats great&#33; Somehow when you bring Nancy into the story, it becomes an instant classic.

[jay moe]

Turns out it was Pierre Pierce who set off the alarm after after seeking solace in another woman&#39;s room. Nancy reported that Pierre was on the lam after escaping from jail for being wrongly mistreated in jail.

[CyinCo]

Witosky will break a story tomorrow showing how much the fire alarm cost the city of ames FD to respond. He&#39;ll then go on to make up a story not based on any sort of facts that Pollard pulled the alarm on purpose "Just to waste some City of Ames resources and money". Scandal&#33;&#33;

[PlymouthCy]

Don&#39;t forget that Witosky then would interview Jane Meyer and she would say how the U of I doesn&#39;t use fire alarms. He would go into details of how UNI, Drake, & U of I&#39;s plans are much more update and not as waistful.

[ISUFan22]

This just in....

It is rumored that in Sunday&#39;s paper Witosky will break the story of the century...

The Cyclone billboard erected in Cedar Rapids is not a billboard at all. It&#39;s a high-tech device being used to spy on the Iowa Hawkeye football team from afar. Tying the billboard into a connection with a satellite in space, ISU is able to track every move made by the Hawks. Betcha didn&#39;t know the recent shuttle mission wasn&#39;t a repair job at all, but a satellite deployment covert op.

When asked by an unknown source, Mac had this to say, "Iowa is a real, real solid team. They&#39;re well coached and they have great kids. I don&#39;t know anything about any satellite - you can&#39;t prove anything&#33; I just know the Iowa game is our Super Bowl, beating the Hawks is the only way I can keep my job. I&#39;m real proud of our kids and what they&#39;ve done so far this off-season. We&#39;ve got the toughest schedule in the nation this fall."

Witosky has completed his research, having dug completely into his rectum and into his small intestine for this story. He&#39;s waiting for Sunday to publish it, in order to keep the streak alive at three consecutive weeks of producing articles full of his own *****.