Take the Toyota, move the front seats all the way forward and slide it in the back seat. Assuming it's empty and you can lay it down. It'll be uncomfortable to drive with the seat all the way forward - hope you don't have far to go. It won't fit in the trunk or front seat and being a two door, you'll never get it in the back seat of the Alero.
No matter what, I could NEVER cheer for Dirt and Urine.
Half of the vechicles on the road seem to be pickups so you must know someone who can haul this for you. The owners should leap at the opportunity to justify owning it and volunteer to help you since most of these pickups have never had anything bigger than a bag of groceries or some 2x4s from Lowe's in their bed.
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