Women who hyphenate or keep last name after marriage

**ahaselhu** · 02-04-2010, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by bawbie

Why do you think that is important??

My stance on the reason why marriages fail so often is that people don't treat it as a union. They still view themselves as being individuals first, which makes it easier to walk away rather than work out issues. I think the symbolism of sharing the same last name can help make it easier to view the marriage as, IMO, it should be to help make it successful.

For that matter, they could both change their name. No reason it has to be one changing their name to the other.

**XLK9** · 02-04-2010, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by thatguy

Woman aren't real creatures they are just hear for our amusement.

......and here we go......

**BCforISU** · 02-04-2010, 03:09 PM

I let my wife choose when we got married, she decided to take my last name and not hyphenate. I have moved for her career, so it hasn't stopped her from getting the jobs she wants. I don't think there is a problem with doing it for career, but I do have a problem when they introduce themselves with both last names. The voicemails always kill me having to listen to them say both names.

I used to work with a guy who hyphenated his last name with his wife's, but used her's last. Very weird to me, seemed like more of a contractual agreement than a marriage though.

I probably wouldn't have liked it if my wife didn't take mine, but it wouldn't have stopped me from marrying her.

**tejasclone** · 02-04-2010, 03:09 PM

If I weren't already married, I'd insist on amalgamating our last names. Instead of the usual hyphen, like "Smith-Johnson," you'd have "Smithjohnson." Or, get creative and cut and paste letters, like "Smijo."

**TruClone** · 02-04-2010, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by LonoClone

Well, I guess men don't have to change "Mr." when they get married. Why should a woman? Why should a woman, who from a legal standpoint, is not any different from a man, have to change her salutation to indicate that she is married when a man does not have to?

Beg to differ this in divorce court!

**bawbie** · 02-04-2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by ahaselhu

My stance on the reason why marriages fail so often is that people don't treat it as a union. They still view themselves as being individuals first, which makes it easier to walk away rather than work out issues. I think the symbolism of sharing the same last name can help make it easier to view the marriage as, IMO, it should be to help make it successful.

It would be interesting to see statistics on what the rate of divorce is for couples with the same last name and those without.

My experience is that there is not much difference in happiness levels, or marriage duration, between the couples I know with the same last name and the ones I know with different ones.

**WalkingCY** · 02-04-2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by UNIGuy4Cy

My wife wanted to change her last name when we first met, her dad is a dbag. As for the question, its a kick in the stones in my opinion.

My wife did that too! Totally wanted to change her last name immediatly. He dad was/is such an *******....she wanted to be "rid" of it.

And, I agree with the "kick in the stones" reference.

**CycloneTony** · 02-04-2010, 03:11 PM

My wife hyphenated her name we got married in May of 09. It bothered me at first I was totally against it before the wedding. It is her and her sister and I know her sister would never get married again :) she also kept her ex's last name. So her dad's last name dies with him that is a sad thought in itself having your last name be non-exsistant. Then thinking more its only a name what should it matter loves all that matters not her last name she is my wifey either way. So I gave in and dont regret it.

**cycloneryan** · 02-04-2010, 03:12 PM

I was married not that long ago and when my then wife and I discussed it she thought about keeping her own name. I was pretty insulted by that and didn't think it was right. I also thought that if we were to have kids I didn't want the kids to be confused or have to explain it to friends. Now that I found out what kind of person she actually is and we are now divorced I wish to god I would have had her keep her own name. I'm not actually sure if she plans on keeping it in the long run but in makes me mad beyond belief when I see her name on a peice of paper with my great family's name. When I get married again I am totally leaving it up to the woman but will not be upset at all if she keeps her own name.

Wow, felt good to get that off my chest. LOL!

**swarthmoreCY** · 02-04-2010, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by TruClone

Beg to differ this in divorce court!

Or being someone interested in a "Men's Movement" in college (especially a liberal one). The double-standards concerning the removal of double-standards is very frustrating.

**Angie** · 02-04-2010, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by cycloneryan

I was married not that long ago and when my then wife and I discussed it she thought about keeping her own name. I was pretty insulted by that and didn't think it was right. I also thought that if we were to have kids I didn't want the kids to be confused or have to explain it to friends. Now that I found out what kind of person she actually is and we are now divorced I wish to god I would have had her keep her own name. I'm not actually sure if she plans on keeping it in the long run but in makes me mad beyond belief when I see her name on a peice of paper with my great family's name. When I get married again I am totally leaving it up to the woman but will not be upset at all if she keeps her own name.

Wow, felt good to get that off my chest. LOL!

How is it not "right"? Where's the moral dilemma?

**StateThrowdown** · 02-04-2010, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by CylentButDeadly

Depends how much livestock and farmground her father gives me to marry her.

Fixed this one for ya...but even without it this is one of the most true posts ever made on cf

**ahaselhu** · 02-04-2010, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by bawbie

It would be interesting to see statistics on what the rate of divorce is for couples with the same last name and those without.

My experience is that there is not much difference in happiness levels, or marriage duration, between the couples I know with the same last name and the ones I know with different ones.

Its a small issue to be sure, and I don't think it would affect imaginary "happiness levels". What I think it does do, when the couple recognizes this reasoning for having the same last name as opposed to keeping their original name, is encourage a strong commitment to one another regardless of what happens in the future.

In order for said statistics to be valid proof for or against my stance, it would have to compare couples who adopted the same name for this reason against those who didn't change their name because they wished to retain their identity. For the record, I don't believe the difference would be huge, but I do believe that it would be in favor of adopting the same name.

**CloneIce** · 02-04-2010, 03:16 PM

Its not about whether its right or wrong.

Its about how much crap you will get from your friends for the rest of your life when your wife is the one who is ashamed to have your name.

**tazclone** · 02-04-2010, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by Cyballz

if you let her keep her name pretty soon she's going to want to vote, work outside the home, expect you to cook and clean up the house, and play sports. Is that really a world you want to live in?

More seriously. If you have kids then what happens to the kid? Do they get the fathers name, the mother's name, or the hyphenated name. Personal preference is take the husband's name but I can understand if a lady is a professional and wants to keep her professional identity but even then it could morph. Look at Hillary Rodham Clinton. Eventually it just became Hillary Clinton. Of course, she fits most people's generalization of women with hyphenated names