Women who hyphenate or keep last name after marriage

[CYdTracked]

The only reason I see a need for someone to keep their last name is if they have some sort of doctor's degree. I guess you could still go by 1 name in public and another professionally too. I have 3 different friends getting married this summer, 1 is a vet so I'm guessing she keeps her maiden name at least for that but goes by her husbands last name around people. One I am pretty sure will take her husbands last name and the 3rd one we are curious to see how it plays out because we are betting she is pushing hard for at the very least being hyphenated.

[sdillon500]

Holy ****. Are we actually discussing this? In 2010? It shouldn't matter one way or the other. If a woman wants to take her husband's name or keep her own, it should be her choice.

An argument for keeping the maiden name. I'm dating a woman who just finalized a divorce from her first (brief) marriage. The process to change her name back to her original name was a year long process. It sucks to be stuck with a name that you associate with a person you no longer want anything to do with.

[BCforISU]

I was married not that long ago and when my then wife and I discussed it she thought about keeping her own name. I was pretty insulted by that and didn't think it was right. I also thought that if we were to have kids I didn't want the kids to be confused or have to explain it to friends. Now that I found out what kind of person she actually is and we are now divorced I wish to god I would have had her keep her own name. I'm not actually sure if she plans on keeping it in the long run but in makes me mad beyond belief when I see her name on a peice of paper with my great family's name. When I get married again I am totally leaving it up to the woman but will not be upset at all if she keeps her own name.

Wow, felt good to get that off my chest. LOL!

Sue her to get your name back

[mikeiastat]

My wife/then gf, struggled with this topic. I told here she can do what she wants and I would still be the same person and feel the same way about her in general. I know how she feels about me. But, I also told her that I felt that it was not right to keep her maiden name.

I feel that there are just too many reasons to change and too few to keep the maiden name. In 95 percent of our society changing to the husbands name isn't making a statement. Can you say the same thing about hyphenating or keeping your last name. Like it or not it is a statment, and at the very least it opens up the thought of why did she choose not to take his name. Taking the mans last name seldom makes people think why.

That gives infidelity and automatic in for the rest of her life. Call it old fashioined, if you will, but that fact doesn't go away. Today, intentionally or unintentionally, not changing, has shades of saying either she isn't proud to be married or isn't proud to be part of the family she is entering. True or not it will always open that door. I would of course have maried her, as that is not a deal breaker, but anything but taking my name would have been hurtful to me.

That said she is published and her professional tittle includes her last name. She changed her middle name. Hyphenating solves very few issues in the professional world and anything but having the same last name creates a lot of issues when trying to deal with kids healthcare and family issues. I think the commentary on "letting" is silly, but hypenating will always be hurtful to many aspects of relationships and family life. I'm a big boy and could get over it, but that doens't mean it wouldn't be a kick in the junk.

[CYdTracked]

My stance on the reason why marriages fail so often is that people don't treat it as a union. They still view themselves as being individuals first, which makes it easier to walk away rather than work out issues. I think the symbolism of sharing the same last name can help make it easier to view the marriage as, IMO, it should be to help make it successful.

For that matter, they could both change their name. No reason it has to be one changing their name to the other.

I like this explanation. If you don't want to take my last name I have 1 term for you then: pre-numpt. You won't take my name so then why should you take everything else that comes with getting married as well?

[LonoClone]

Its a small issue to be sure, and I don't think it would affect imaginary "happiness levels". What I think it does do, when the couple recognizes this reasoning for having the same last name as opposed to keeping their original name, is encourage a strong commitment to one another regardless of what happens in the future.

In order for said statistics to be valid proof for or against my stance, it would have to compare couples who adopted the same name for this reason against those who didn't change their name because they wished to retain their identity. For the record, I don't believe the difference would be huge, but I do believe that it would be in favor of adopting the same name.

So you're saying it's the act of commitment that is important, rather than the name itself? By that logic, it really doesn't matter if it's the man's last name or the woman's, since it's the commitment that counts. I agree with this.

[XLK9]

Holy ****. Are we actually discussing this? In 2010? It shouldn't matter one way or the other. If a woman wants to take her husband's name or keep her own, it should be her choice.

An argument for keeping the maiden name. I'm dating a woman who just got finalized a divorce from her first (brief) marriage. The process to change her name back to her original name was a year long process. It sucks to be stuck with a name that you associate with a person you no longer want anything to do with.

I WISH my ex would have kept your maiden name. She ran around reigning havoc with my last name for three years before some other poor schmo fell for her and then took his last name.

[CloneAggie]

I like this explanation. If you don't want to take my last name I have 1 term for you then: pre-numpt. You won't take my name so then why should you take everything else that comes with getting married as well?

What is a "pre-numpt"?

[LonoClone]

My wife/then gf, struggled with this topic. I told here she can do what she wants and I would still be the same person and feel the same way about her in general. I know how she feels about me. But, I also told her that I felt that it was not right to keep her maiden name.

I feel that there are just too many reasons to change and too few to keep the maiden name. In 95 percent of our society changing to the husbands name isn't making a statement. Can you say the same thing about hyphenating or keeping your last name. Like it or not it is a statment, and at the very least it opens up the thought of why did she choose not to take his name. Taking the mans last name seldom makes people think why.

That gives infidelity and automatic in for the rest of her life. Call it old fashioined, if you will, but that fact doesn't go away. Today, intentionally or unintentionally, not changing, has shades of saying either she isn't proud to be married or isn't proud to be part of the family she is entering. True or not it will always open that door. I would of course have maried her, as that is not a deal breaker, but anything but taking my name would have been hurtful to me.

That said she is published and her professional tittle includes her last name. She changed her middle name. Hyphenating solves very few issues in the professional world and anything but having the same last name creates a lot of issues when trying to deal with kids healthcare and family issues. I think the commentary on "letting" is silly, but hypenating will always be hurtful to many aspects of relationships and family life. I'm a big boy and could get over it, but that doens't mean it wouldn't be a kick in the junk.

Is she not allowed to be proud of her own family name? That's not a potential reason for wanting to keep her name? Are men the only ones who can be proud of their lineage?

[Angie]

The only reason I see a need for someone to keep their last name is if they have some sort of doctor's degree. I guess you could still go by 1 name in public and another professionally too. I have 3 different friends getting married this summer, 1 is a vet so I'm guessing she keeps her maiden name at least for that but goes by her husbands last name around people. One I am pretty sure will take her husbands last name and the 3rd one we are curious to see how it plays out because we are betting she is pushing hard for at the very least being hyphenated.

Who dictates "need"? I'm assuming these are grown women, capable of making their own decisions. If they want to do something, they can do it - one of the whole points of marriage is learning to keep your identity while being part of a team. Why does she "need" to change the name she's been using for the last few dozen years? Would you be all that wild to change your first name if, let's say, your employer didn't like it? It's part of your identity and family history.

I changed mine, but who cares if someone else doesn't - especially enough to discuss it? People get way too wound up in other people's crap.

[CYdTracked]

If I weren't already married, I'd insist on amalgamating our last names. Instead of the usual hyphen, like "Smith-Johnson," you'd have "Smithjohnson." Or, get creative and cut and paste letters, like "Smijo."

Nice! Anyone have some funny combinations that people have come up with just for fun? My favorite is "Quandy" Combination of Quinn and Andy. Another funny one, Khlomar Odashian for Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom.

[bawbie]

Taking the mans last name seldom makes people think why.

I'm guessing more women would keep their name if people did think "why" if she changed it.

That gives infidelity and automatic in for the rest of her life.

That is just ********, and the extremely high number of people who change their name and cheat should prove that.

Today, intentionally or unintentionally, not changing, has shades of saying either she isn't proud to be married or isn't proud to be part of the family she is entering.

Does changing her name mean she is not proud of her past or her family?

[Ms3r4ISU]

I WISH my ex would have kept your maiden name. She ran around reigning havoc with my last name for three years before some other poor schmo fell for her and then took his last name.

There's so much wrong (grammatically) with this post, but I'll ask only, "Why should your ex have MY maiden name?"

[CYdTracked]

Who dictates "need"? I'm assuming these are grown women, capable of making their own decisions. If they want to do something, they can do it - one of the whole points of marriage is learning to keep your identity while being part of a team. Why does she "need" to change the name she's been using for the last few dozen years? Would you be all that wild to change your first name if, let's say, your employer didn't like it? It's part of your identity and family history.

I changed mine, but who cares if someone else doesn't - especially enough to discuss it? People get way too wound up in other people's crap.

I like the "union" explanation given awhile back. Plus I'm a traditionalist kind of person and it's tradition the female takes the husband's last name. I would have some reservations if my wife would have had an issue taking my last name. Why does the male have to cough up the big bucks for an engagement ring and plan and usually pay for the honeymoon? Why does the bride's family pay for a lot of the wedding? why does the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner? Again, all traditions so if you are having a traditional wedding they why break one of the common traditions such as taking the last name? If you don't want to take my last name then why should I be the one burning a hole in my bank account for your ring? See where I am going with this...

[tec71]

My brother taught middle school PE for years. He always said that it was the kids with hyphenated last names that were the first to get beat up or made fun of.