You might be a longhorn if....

[cycloneworld]

I found this online and found it kind of funny:

You might be a longhorn if......

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."
8. You think Dom Pérignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

 

[superfan]

We heard a couple of good ones out of a radio station in OKC on our way down to Texas Tech (morning of the Red River Shootout)...but I can't remember many of them offhand.

What do you say to a Longhorn wearing a suit and tie?
"Will the defendant please rise..."

Why did Dallas get a prison instead of UT?
"It got to choose first."

As if OU is much better. Remember that win they got back in 2005...wait, AWWWWWWWWW!

 

[Cyclonesrule91]

You know your a Texas Longhorn if you have more tattoo's then teeth...

 

[Cyclone62]

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Mine usually does, but the DMR thought it was a good way to organize the sections.

 

[Cyclonesrule91]

If this is your idea of a high rise condo.......

 

[chadm]

If you call this a taxi.

 

[Cyclonesrule91]

Your dad is also your brother.......:chatterbox::chatterbox::chatterbox::chatterbox:

 

[Flag Guy]

What do you call a crime ring in Austin?


A huddle