Flying really brings out the selfishness in people. Here are some tips to help you fit in.
1. When it's time to begin boarding, the flight attendant will announce that first-class passengers and sky-mile award members can board first, as well as handicapped people, people with small children, or anyone who needs assistance. This is your cue to stand up and approach the boarding area. Begin hovering near the line, without actually being in the line. It doesn't matter which boarding group you're in. Each time they announce a new boarding group, just inch a little closer to the line to make sure no one is closer to the line than you.
2. If you are in the first boarding group seated near the back of the plane, you should still put your roller-bag in an overhead bin near the front. That way you don't have to hassle with carrying it all the way back, and to the front again at your destination. Plus, if you didn't get close enough to the front of the line, the bins near your seat may be full. There will still be plenty of room in the bins near the front so just put the bag in sideways, it's easier.
3. Even if you get to the airport in plenty of time, don't worry about using one of the many restrooms located in the terminal, there are restrooms on the plane. Once you've settled into your seat and your seatmate has arrived and settled in as well, you should still have plenty of time for your seatmate to let you back out so you can use the restroom on the plane. You may have to fight your way down the aisle past some of the late-boarding passengers, but that's their own fault for not hovering closely enough to the line.
Well, I guess that about covers it. Follow those tips and you'll be sure to brighten the days of your fellow passengers. Oh, and when you get to your destination, nevermind those passengers who may need to exit the plane quickly due to a tight layover. You just take your sweet time retrieving your things and exiting the plane. Remember the first rule of air travel, "If you ain't first, you're last!"

mad: