relationship advice
- Thread starter Mtowncyclone13
- Start date
Maybe I'm in a weird marriage but I cannot fathom my husband telling me I can't do something/go somewhere, and vice versa.
I would be completely honest with her about your concerns and how you feel about the situation. Talk through it.
I would be completely honest with her about your concerns and how you feel about the situation. Talk through it.
I wouldn't tell my wife she couldn't ever spend time with said person, just that I think going on a trip is a bad idea. I would bring up the lady's past, her questionable decision making, and the fact that she's going to visit her druggie friend. I would be honest with my wife and tell her that I don't think the lady's influence is good for her and that the environment she would be in would not be safe for her physical or spiritual well being. My wife would respect this, as would I if the roles were reversed.
I would encourage her to pursue activities where she can meet some new (better) friends. For my wife and I, we're very involved at our church, so most of our friends come from there, but I realize not everyone is involved with a local church. But your wife could meet other people doing a hobby (sewing, scrapbooking, cooking, book club, other woman things I don't know about, etc!) or something like that. It's definitely not an easy situation, but I feel like as the husband, sometimes you've got to stand up for your wife & marriage and make tough decisions such as voicing your displeasure about this potential trip. The fact you work with this lady is quite awkward, though!
I would be more concerned as to what would happen if your wife got incredibly intoxicated and got taken advantage of while her shady friend did nothing to stop it. Ultimately, I would tell her your concerns, but let her go. In the end, if there is trust, there is nothing to worry about.
Sounds to me like you are fishing for an affirmation of what you already know is the correct course of action.
Have some conviction and stand up for what you feel is right.
Have some conviction and stand up for what you feel is right.
and I think this is the way you phrase it. Not that you don't trust her, but you aren't comfortable with the environment.
This.
****** things could happen.
First and foremost, you can't forbid her to go. That will backfire.
Be honest with her and tell her you are nervous about her friend getting her into trouble. DON'T tell her that you don't trust HER, just that you aren't sure about her friend.
If you let her know how you feel without accusing her of anything then hopefully she will do her best not to get into trouble.
Ultimately you will have to trust her. If she gives you any reason not to, then you will need to have serious discussions after she gets back.
I'd probably express my concerns but trust my wife to make her own way. I wouldn't tell her not to go or put an ultimatum on hanging out with the slutty friend. If you really trust your wife then why would you be worried about a loser friend?
I'd be concerned a bit about the personal safety of my wife with such a friend.
I've thought about this some more. I think the obvious answer is talk to your wife, but for a comprehensive response I need more information.
1) What weekend are they going?
2) What does the friend and the friends friend look like?
3) Any CFers want to do a Nashville road trip?
H
HGPuck
Guest
There are a lot of options you can take, but one I wouldn't is to say you don't want her to go (or even worse say that she can't). The chances of that not ending badly or putting a strain on your relationship are pretty low. Your best bet is to be open and honest about why the situation worries you, which likely has everything to do with her friend and her friend's friend. Just don't do it to try and get her to not go, just communicate about your feelings. The easy question to ask is how would your wife feel if the roles were reversed in regards to friends.
I would take a chance before you talk to her to be introspective and think about if any of your worries are that you don't trust what your wife might do if she is put in a bad situation. If that's the case try and figure out why that is; things that have happened in the past in your relationship, things that she has done in the past, things that have happened to people you know, things you have done in the past, things that have happened in your past relationships, ect. There are a lot of reasons that people have trust issues and they usually have more to do with that person than their significant other. Being open and talking about our own inadequacies is never a bad thing and builds trust.
The one other thing to keep in mind is the last thing you want is for the friend to become your enemy. Because then you can pretty much guarantee the friend will try to sabotage you and your wife's relationship every chance she gets.
I would take a chance before you talk to her to be introspective and think about if any of your worries are that you don't trust what your wife might do if she is put in a bad situation. If that's the case try and figure out why that is; things that have happened in the past in your relationship, things that she has done in the past, things that have happened to people you know, things you have done in the past, things that have happened in your past relationships, ect. There are a lot of reasons that people have trust issues and they usually have more to do with that person than their significant other. Being open and talking about our own inadequacies is never a bad thing and builds trust.
The one other thing to keep in mind is the last thing you want is for the friend to become your enemy. Because then you can pretty much guarantee the friend will try to sabotage you and your wife's relationship every chance she gets.
