"The Talk" with growing boys

[BACyclone]

I go on a trip with mine between the 5th and 6th grade years, just me and them, that's when we transition from Elementary to Middle school. We talk sex, porn, consent, all that stuff. It sucks balls, I don't enjoy it, I know they probably know a lot of it already. I tell them it's important you hear me say it so you know there is nothing I don't know and they can feel comfortable discussing things with me.

Then I push it back in the memory hole and try to forget any of it actually happened.

Personally, I had zero talk from my parents. I don't recommend that.

For us and our children, we try to have multiple "talks" (at least 2, maybe 3) age-appropriate with the "final final" before they are a teenager. Ultimately reinforcing everything @BryceC is saying. It's normal, great, save it for marriage, no question is out of bounds, etc.

 

[HFCS]

Hank Hill does post on CF after all

I caught an episode of this not long ago where his coworker Enrique comes to him with marriage problems saying none of his Mexican friends will talk about about it. Hank replied: "Mexicans don't talk about their feelings? That's great. So, uh, why'd you give that up?"

 

[ClonerJams]

 

[cowgirl836]

My mom worked at Planned Parenthood for a significant portion of my childhood. There was never a formal talk. It was ongoing dialog. I always felt like I could ask questions. I don't know if the same was true for my brother, however.

This is what I want it to be. And talking about consent starts super early. They don't have to give or receive hugs and such that they don't want. They have to respect each others' space and bodies. And trying to get them to pay attention to emotional labor (for healthy relationships!) What kind of gift would your friend like for their birthday? What color do you want to make the card to go with the Christmas cookies we are sharing?

 

[cowgirl836]

Lol, I could literally feel the talk coming from my Dad before he even started speaking, and when he did, I just said "I know, I got it" and that was that. Spoiler alert: I didn't got it

I never, ever got the official talk. And I was homeschooled so it wasn't like they could rely on school. I figured it out from books and friends but still.

The afternoon before my first date - with my now husband - my mom pulled me aside to talk about the dangers of dating and hormones of teenage boys. I think she mentioned birth control but the actual topic of sex never manifested and the devil inside me briefly thought about forcing her to go into the talk. "What's birth control? What's that for? What will the hormones make him do?" But I realized I wanted to go on that date more than I wanted to force her to deliver on that long overdue parenting duty. I was also bewildered at this idea that my date would be uncontrolled in his reaction and frankly, still really dislike that frame of thought.

 

[cowgirl836]

The emotional complexity of it is something to consider too. Some people bond stronger than others and it can take its toll on the psyche.

There's so, so much more. What does safety look like in a relationship? What if your romatic partner (whether or not they've had sex) is pressuring you or pushing for things you aren't comfortable with? What does stalking and abuse look like? How does alcohol/substance use mix in? Etc. Etc.

 

[cowgirl836]

also should probably talk about periods with our oldest, he's definitely old enough but Christ on rice that kid repeats everything anywhere and I don't need to exist in those moments.

 

[coolerifyoudid]

My wife's father was a Chinese doctor who was the bluntest man I've ever met. According to her, he told her all about sex, STDs, pregnancy. Some of his lectures came complete with a slide show of what an STD looks like for that added effect (not kidding).

As a result, my wife has carried on the filter-less approach to our daughter. There were a few uncomfortable moments, but it's pretty liberating when your child can be open about the subject and unafraid to ask embarrassing questions. She'll sometimes over-share, but I've never felt worried that she was getting bad or unsafe information from somewhere else. And, yes, you can still be a parent in that situation instead of a friend.

 

[bos]

My wife's father was a Chinese doctor who was the bluntest man I've ever met. According to her, he told her all about sex, STDs, pregnancy. Some of his lectures came complete with a slide show of what an STD looks like for that added effect (not kidding).

As a result, my wife has carried on the filter-less approach to our daughter. There were a few uncomfortable moments, but it's pretty liberating when your child can be open about the subject and unafraid to ask embarrassing questions. She'll sometimes over-share, but I've never felt worried that she was getting bad or unsafe information from somewhere else. And, yes, you can still be a parent in that situation instead of a friend.

Man, they are all bad but some of the visuals of the particular nasty ones are enough to gag a maggot.

 

[cycloner29]

Mom just put a book on my desk. I told my sons, "don't have a kid until you're done being a kid". Both have graduated college know so I guess they must have listened to me.

 

[dahliaclone]

I learned from Limewire / Kazaa. I also learned that computers can get viruses.

 

[Mr Janny]

Obligatory:

 

[cyputz]

When our daughter was in HS, I new her boyfriend pretty well. I told our I was going to do the Cosby “routine” on him. She said it was OK.
So the kid (one of the top hs jocks in Iowa), sits down with me at the table (daughter listening around corner). I place two apples next to each other on the table and tapped one against the other (kissing), I said ok, with respect, than I proceeded to place one apple on top of the other - I stated nope - and smashed them both. She came around the corner, he was bug eyed and white as a sheet. We all had a good laugh.

 

[bos]

When our daughter was in HS, I new her boyfriend pretty well. I told our I was going to do the Cosby “routine” on him. She said it was OK.
So the kid (one of the top hs jocks in Iowa), sits down with me at the table (daughter listening around corner). I place two apples next to each other on the table and tapped one against the other (kissing), I said ok, with respect, than I proceeded to place one apple on top of the other - I stated nope - and smashed them both. She came around the corner, he was bug eyed and white as a sheet. We all had a good laugh.

Poor Reggie.

 

[Rabbuk]

I feel like my parents focused on consent and affirmative consent more than the mechanics which were covered in 2000s middle school health class surprisingly well. But my parent started talking about consent and general like bodily autonomy stuff when I was 3 or 4 to deter pedophiles and grooming stuff from happening.

 

[CRcyclone6]

I popped in an 80s movie with Nina Hartley and told my son, this is not real life. I'm not ready to be a grandpa yet. ******* wrap it.

 

[Gonzo]

We never had sons but if I did and it was time for "the talk" I'd just cue up Fast Times for them and let Damone do the work.

 

[cycub51]

Yeah we have young boys and the talk about consent and that its okay to not allow people to touch them anywhere if they don't want and never their "private areas". It is also strongly stated to them to respect other people and those same things. If someone doesn't want to hug you thats okay and it is not okay to touch them in their private areas ever. We also talk to them about being clothed properly.

I like to think I'll have "the talk" with them at some point but I absolutely avoid tough conversations a lot of the time so there could be a chance I'll chicken out.

 

[CRcyclone6]

We never had sons but if I did and it was time for "the talk" I'd just cue up Fast Times for them and let Damone do the work.

Are you the guy with the Van Halen tickets?

 

[Mr Janny]

When I was in high school, sex ed was something everyone did in Health class, sophomore year. I remember they had this absolutely ancient slideshow that they showed us as part of it. It was one of those really old ones, where the audio was separate from the slide deck, and it made a loud "PING!!!" noise to alert you that it was time to advance the slide.

During the section on male anatomy, there was a slide with a drawing of a very detailed, and very flaccid anatomicaly correct man. The audio discussed male arousal, and said something like "Now let's look at what happens when a man gets an erection... PING!!!!!" The next slide was the exact same drawing, with one very noticeable difference.

The entire class really, really found it amusing, and "PING!!!>>>>Boner" made its way around to the other health classes, so it was enjoyed by many.

Interesting addendum, two years later, my brother was in the same health class, watching the same slide show, and he passed out (vasovagal syncope) and fell out of his desk, earning himself a nasty rug burn on his nose, from the carpet. That was a tough one to live down.