Kindergarten Bullying

[CascadeClone]

There's a lot of good advice in this. My advice would be martial arts training, but not so he can knock someone out.

This is 90% for the added confidence. Bullies don't aim for the kid who walks tall, has his head up, and doesn't look afraid. The #1 reason I teach is watching meek, academic, non-sports kids walk in nervous, heads down and shoulders slumped, and 6 months later they are chin up and walking tall. When you can break boards, and know how to square up and throw a punch and a kick, you're a hell of a lot more secure with yourself.

And the other 10% is learning how to defend yourself. How to move, how to block, how to strike back. Just in case.

Case study is my kid (who is now 32!) He was getting bullied in 2nd grade. He was a big strong kid, but not THAT big. Did TKD for a few months, he learned some basics. One day the bully grabbed him, he did his basic take-down and spun the guy over his hip and put him on the floor. Scared the bully (didn't hurt him one bit) and he was never back again.

 

[jsb]

Clearly they're not. The kid couldn't eat and won't take his water bottle to school. This blind defense of teachers/the school system is maddening.

Also, to hell with this "Oh, you can't fight back" ********. That's why this is an issue with every age group in society. There are way too many people that have become way to comfortable thinking they can do or say whatever they please without consequence. I'm not saying you just clock everyone around but if my kid's getting hit in the head and nothing is being done about it, there is zero chance I'm going to condemn them for fighting back. Everyone wants to stop bullying without anything really happening to the bullies. That's just not reality at this point.

Do we know that for sure? Kindergarteners aren’t always the most reliable and accurate storytellers. See my nephew’s story about getting punched 10 times but his glasses being fine because the bully took off his glasses before punching him.

Get to the bottom of things before flying off the deep end.

 

[CascadeClone]

My son had a kid bullying him in kindergarten. Kid would take my son's blanket and water bottle and such.

One day my son had enough and basically choke slammed the kid. Never got bullied again. I took my son out for ice cream.

That's what I did, except it was 1st grade and a bloody nose. Probably more acceptable then - this was during the Carter administration.

I got an "X" in recess that year, but that was the end of any bullying lol.

 

[CYdTracked]

Clearly they're not. The kid couldn't eat and won't take his water bottle to school. This blind defense of teachers/the school system is maddening.

Also, to hell with this "Oh, you can't fight back" ********. That's why this is an issue with every age group in society. There are way too many people that have become way to comfortable thinking they can do or say whatever they please without consequence. I'm not saying you just clock everyone around but if my kid's getting hit in the head and nothing is being done about it, there is zero chance I'm going to condemn them for fighting back. Everyone wants to stop bullying without anything really happening to the bullies. That's just not reality at this point.

The sad thing is there are too many parents of kids that are bullies that won't take action and discipline their kid and instead blame the school for their kid's behavior or try to flip the narrative and make their kid the victim or try to place the blame on the kid being bullied. It pisses me off as a parent that there are other parents that take that approach and their kids are basically spoiled rotten brats that in their parent's eyes aren't being a problem. My kids know if we ever get reports of them doing something inappropriate at school or witness them doing something there is going to be consequences for their actions and the punishment will not be light.

 

[ISUTex]

Sounds to me like you need to go to a school board meeting and read them the riot act to let everyone know what's going on.

Or they could just meet with the teacher or administrator and or the parents of the bully and have a conversation.

 

[Cyclonsin]

Clearly they're not. The kid couldn't eat and won't take his water bottle to school. This blind defense of teachers/the school system is maddening.

Also, to hell with this "Oh, you can't fight back" ********. That's why this is an issue with every age group in society. There are way too many people that have become way to comfortable thinking they can do or say whatever they please without consequence. I'm not saying you just clock everyone around but if my kid's getting hit in the head and nothing is being done about it, there is zero chance I'm going to condemn them for fighting back. Everyone wants to stop bullying without anything really happening to the bullies. That's just not reality at this point.

Not to completely derail this thread, but maybe inject some levity in a serious conversation.

This is the my biggest (and really only) complaint about the classic yuletide film, A Christmas Story. Ralph's dad would have been incredibly proud of him for not only taking on Farkus, but making him (and his toadie) think twice before ever trying anything again.

His mom shouldn't have hidden the true story from his old man, and Randy was wrong... dad wouldn't have killed Ralphie... he'd have taken him out to the local soda shop for a cold one.

 

[jbhtexas]

To the OP, if your son was getting repeatedly socked in the head, would a medical exam be warranted to see if he has suffered any physical harm?

I'm all for standing up to bullies...bullies are generally bullies until they learn that there is always someone higher up on the food chain. But if there is physical harm and it is ongoing, I would suggest getting your son out of the environment.

Around here, circumstances are now such that it is not uncommon for there to be kids in a class (particulalry the earlier grades) 1-2 years older than the normal age for a class, and those kids are often significantly larger in size and strength. If the older kid happens to be the bully, encouraging your kid to slug someone who is significantly bigger than your kid may have ramifications that a 5/6 year may not be able to properly evaluate.

 

[ISUTex]

The sad thing is there are too many parents of kids that are bullies that won't take action and discipline their kid and instead blame the school for their kid's behavior or try to flip the narrative and make their kid the victim or try to place the blame on the kid being bullied. It pisses me off as a parent that there are other parents that take that approach and their kids are basically spoiled rotten brats that in their parent's eyes aren't being a problem. My kids know if we ever get reports of them doing something inappropriate at school or witness them doing something there is going to be consequences for their actions and the punishment will not be light.

And some times the kid claiming to be bullied is actually the one who instigates the issue. And the parents are blind to any of it because their kid is an innocent little precious. Sometimes it can be difficult to solve. Not in anyway suggesting this is what is happening with the person who started this thread.

 

[clones_jer]

 

[AgronAlum]

Do we know that for sure? Kindergarteners aren’t always the most reliable and accurate storytellers. See my nephew’s story about getting punched 10 times but his glasses being fine because the bully took off his glasses before punching him.

Get to the bottom of things before flying off the deep end.

We've had multiple conversations with his teacher and him using some things picked up in this thread. It has been happening and they've know it has been happening but seems it wasn't taken seriously until we found out about it and pressed the issue. It's a wait and see thing at this point.

To the OP, if your son was getting repeatedly socked in the head, would a medical exam be warranted to see if he has suffered any physical harm?

I'm all for standing up to bullies...bullies are generally bullies until they learn that there is always someone higher up on the food chain. But if there is physical harm and it is ongoing, I would suggest getting your son out of the environment.

Around here, circumstances are now such that it is not uncommon for there to be kids in a class (particulalry the earlier grades) 1-2 years older than the normal age for a class, and those kids are often significantly larger in size and strength. If the older kid happens to be the bully, encouraging your kid to slug someone who is significantly bigger than your kid may have ramifications that a 5/6 year may not be able to properly evaluate.

These are kindergarteners and to be honest, he's bigger than all of them. He's tall, very athletic and built like brick. He's incredibly active. I'm more worried about the mental aspect. He's just very timid and lacks confidence around new people and in group settings. I don't want him shutting down and learning to hate school. We're seeing signs of it already.

We've been trying to work through the confidence issue through sports. The very first attempt at a sports league, he lost a ball out of bounds the first game, the packed gym made a noise because he almost got it and he completely shut down and wouldn't go back. It was too many people and too much pressure from himself to do well. We've moved past that but it's still very much a work in progress.

 

[Dirt Boy 2]

Clearly they're not. The kid couldn't eat and won't take his water bottle to school. This blind defense of teachers/the school system is maddening.

Also, to hell with this "Oh, you can't fight back" ********. That's why this is an issue with every age group in society. There are way too many people that have become way to comfortable thinking they can do or say whatever they please without consequence. I'm not saying you just clock everyone around but if my kid's getting hit in the head and nothing is being done about it, there is zero chance I'm going to condemn them for fighting back. Everyone wants to stop bullying without anything really happening to the bullies. That's just not reality at this point.

I agree, just be prepared for both the victim and bully being punished equally.

 

[BoomerClone]

This BS has been happening forever. It’s bad parenting and/or mental illness that causes bullies to be bullies. I’m a little concerned that this is in kindergarten. Generally that starts later in school but bad seeds I guess will always be bad seeds.

I wasn’t bullied too much in school but back in the 90s during high school there was a “tough” guy that bullied everyone. I guess it made him feel good. He picked on me and my friends a lot. I usually ignored it and just like you today the teachers tended to ignore it as well. One day he went over the top. I punched him in the nose and put him in a choke hold until he begged for mercy. Teachers pulled us apart. I spent a day in detention. But that punk never talked to me again. He was still a ****. Just not to me.

 

[CYdTracked]

And some times the kid claiming to be bullied is actually the one who instigates the issue. And the parents are blind to any of it because their kid is an innocent little precious. Sometimes it can be difficult to solve. Not in anyway suggesting this is what is happening with the person who started this thread.

I've seen this play out on some facebook groups over the years. My wife is on a few "moms" groups both for our school district and the metro area and there are some crazy stories and comments shared on there. There are some parents who don't even know the person posting that will just go off on them and acuse them of maybe it's their kid that is the bully and such. Sadly social media has led to an even worse environment for bullying than some of us may have every endured growing up before social media was even a thing. It's a big reason why I plan to delay letting my kids get smart phone and social media for as long as I can as most kids are just not mature enough to be able to use social media responsibly.

 

[KnappShack]

I've seen this play out on some facebook groups over the years. My wife is on a few "moms" groups both for our school district and the metro area and there are some crazy stories and comments shared on there. There are some parents who don't even know the person posting that will just go off on them and acuse them of maybe it's their kid that is the bully and such. Sadly social media has led to an even worse environment for bullying than some of us may have every endured growing up before social media was even a thing. It's a big reason why I plan to delay letting my kids get smart phone and social media for as long as I can as most kids are just not mature enough to be able to use social media responsibly.

Hell. You could make the case most adults aren't mature enough to use social media responsibly

 

[CYdTracked]

This BS has been happening forever. It’s bad parenting and/or mental illness that causes bullies to be bullies. I’m a little concerned that this is in kindergarten. Generally that starts later in school but bad seeds I guess will always be bad seeds.

I wasn’t bullied too much in school but back in the 90s during high school there was a “tough” guy that bullied everyone. I guess it made him feel good. He picked on me and my friends a lot. I usually ignored it and just like you today the teachers tended to ignore it as well. One day he went over the top. I punched him in the nose and put him in a choke hold until he begged for mercy. Teachers pulled us apart. I spent a day in detention. But that punk never talked to me again. He was still a ****. Just not to me.

When I was bullied in my teens I eventually got to a point I just didn't care anymore if I got in trouble if I had to get into a physical altercation to defend myself. I got pushed to a point I would snap and shove the person to the ground or take a swing at them if they were doing something to me physically that was out of line. I clocked a guy once and the principal just happened to walk by when I did it. He was already aware of the problems I was having because it had gotten so bad that I was begging my parents to open enroll to another school so they had met with the administration by then. The other kid tried to play the victim and the principal asked him if he had done anything to me first which he didn't exactly do a good job trying to deny it so the principal told him to knock it off and left it at that without punishing either of us. Have several encounters over the years I can recall but I never got a suspension out of any of them because the bullies knew if they tried to say I was the instigator there were enough people around that would not go along with their story for it to stick. I slammed another guy up against a brick hallway wall after he had grabbed around my collar and broke my gold chain I was wearing. He had a nice lump on the back of his head from it and he didn't even say a word to any teachers about it when they asked what happened because he knew I had the evidence of what he did to me that led to it.

I don't like violence as an answer to dealing with bullies but in my situation and age I got to the point I had to defend myself else or it was just going to get worse. I think some of the encounters like that eventually led to the bullying to stop by the time I graduated HS because I had gained respect that I was not going to be a pushover and just allow it to happen to me. I'm probably a little thick skinned as an adult now because of what I went through and don't get emotional over many things either. I don't exactly have fond memories of grades 6-10 probably which was the worst of it. I know that I'm going to have to navigate through a whole different type of bullies because girls are a whole different world as they are more of emotional bullies than they are physical. Hoping I can use my experiences growing up to help my daughters through it if they ever have to deal with bullies/mean girls.

 

[Tre4ISU]

I agree, just be prepared for both the victim and bully being punished equally.

I think that needs to be understood too but a punishment from the school that lasts a little bit of time will be well worth it for the victim in the long run and it might even be well worth it for the bully as well.

I don't promise many things in my parenting and I have two girls so it's a bit of a different type of bullying that may come at them but I promise they won't be a bully and they won't be bullied and I don't really care what lengths I have to go to to make that so.

 

[Bipolarcy]

Or they could just meet with the teacher or administrator and or the parents of the bully and have a conversation.

Sounds like they've already tried that route and failed with their other son.

 

[bozclone]

I feel for you. We live in a world where everyone wants to tear each other down. Things that I thought would help my son in school, made him a target of bullies at times. He was tall, strong, smart, outgoing and from a good family. Kids are jealous and mean. Encourage your son to find some good friends and stay away from the bullies. At that age the trouble makers get a lot of attention from their peers. He may want to be part of their group. I would also encourage you to spend extra time with your son doing fun things. Let him know through your actions that you are always there for him. Don’t focus on the stuff at school, but focus on your time together. My son dealt with bullies off and on during school, but he never let it defeat him or change him. Since your son is big and athletic, don’t give up too quickly on sports. It may not always be easy but it is a way to find acceptance in boys. I know he is really young and it will cost you, but try getting him some one on one or small group training/coaching that will give him a leg up and some confidence. My son had personal trainer in high school. I wish I would have done it sooner. My son’s trainer ended up being a mentor to him. He encouraged him while he changed his body and gave him confidence. Best money I ever spent.

 

[madguy30]

The sad thing is there are too many parents of kids that are bullies that won't take action and discipline their kid and instead blame the school for their kid's behavior or try to flip the narrative and make their kid the victim or try to place the blame on the kid being bullied. It pisses me off as a parent that there are other parents that take that approach and their kids are basically spoiled rotten brats that in their parent's eyes aren't being a problem. My kids know if we ever get reports of them doing something inappropriate at school or witness them doing something there is going to be consequences for their actions and the punishment will not be light.

These situations suck for teachers too.

The 'support' often is some weird way of appeasing the kid and parents instead of simply having accountability for both.

 

[Acylum]

I would tend to believe your son. A 6 YO inventing something like this would be extremely rare I feel. Not trying to call out previous posts.