Not there yet, but my parents sure as hell had a party when they dropped me off a long time ago.
Kids leaving the nest - how to cope?
- Thread starter Peter
- Start date
Or find a different spouse to have another kid with to fill the void.
youngest is hitting ISU in August. It will bother my wife more than me. My kids still text me at least every other day about things. Daughter lives 20 miles way (getting married Saturday), oldest a little over 2 hours away and looking to move closer in a few years. I’ve done my best to make them financially secure early on so they can choose what they want to do and where to live instead of needing to decide what to do to pay bills and loans.
I would say this might depend on your kid's personality.
I got EXTREMELY homesick at ISU and the first year I came home (about 3 hour drive) about every 2 or 3 weekends. If they'd have said I cannot come home at the beginning I'm sure I would have just quit and went to the local Community College.
As time went on I did better and by Senior Year it was probably once per quarter, twice at the most.
YMMV
Don't forget you're still a parent. Especially if you're helping fund their college experience. If I had it to over again, I'd have been requiring grade reports and making sure they were living in safe, healthy environments. It's ok for them to know you're watching (from a healthy distance) and expecting some accountability. Lesson learned too late for me.
Being a father is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. My youngest graduated from college last spring. I’ve been pretty depressed for the past couple years, but I’m just starting to get on the other side of it. I realized that I put a ton of my identity into being a father, which is good, but I wasn’t taking care of myself physically or emotionally as well. I wish I would’ve balanced that a little more. Now, I’m kind of relegated to tech-support, but I also really enjoy spending time with my kids as adults too. We take golf trips and do fun things when they come home. I’m not a helicopter parent, and I knew enough to let them have their space and learn some life lessons, and I’m glad that all three of my children are successful and doing well. I didn’t want to put my stuff on them. But it is hard, make some connections with some friends again and have some fun. I have been getting in shape and finding myself again.
Same boat here plus the 2 that are 8 & 12 we had kids later than average Americans.
This comes from talking with and observing other families (my youngest is 9 days old so not something I’ll be going through for quite awhile).
If you have the means, plan a yearly family trip for a week to 10 days that you pay for (at least until they are a few years into a career) that the whole family plans and executes together. It helps build an adult relationship where they aren’t under your roof and the roles that come with that. Also, no friends/ significant others (until they are in a really serious long term relationship where it’s valuable to build a relationship with that person).
If you have the means, plan a yearly family trip for a week to 10 days that you pay for (at least until they are a few years into a career) that the whole family plans and executes together. It helps build an adult relationship where they aren’t under your roof and the roles that come with that. Also, no friends/ significant others (until they are in a really serious long term relationship where it’s valuable to build a relationship with that person).
im just gonna keep crankin them out... who has the forum record?
I'm divorced and remarried with 4 daughters between the ages of 12 to 15. One week we have them all and then the next week we have no kids. It's an interesting way to live and definitely gives some perspective on what it's like to have no kids. I think that will help me be prepared, but my oldest is going to be a Jr in high school next year so it's getting close for the first one to leave the nest. I'll be a complete mess when we drop her off but I think I'll adapt fairly quickly.
We have the added complication of our oldest skipped a grade and she will have turned 17 about a week before she graduates high school. She wants to go to ISU and we live in north Ankeny so we are thinking about having her live at home for a year since Ames is very drivable. It's tough. She is incredibly sharp and mature so I'm probably going to encourage her to live on campus unless she really doesn't want to.
We have the added complication of our oldest skipped a grade and she will have turned 17 about a week before she graduates high school. She wants to go to ISU and we live in north Ankeny so we are thinking about having her live at home for a year since Ames is very drivable. It's tough. She is incredibly sharp and mature so I'm probably going to encourage her to live on campus unless she really doesn't want to.
My parents sold their house, bought a very small RV, drove to Alaska, and proceeded to bounce around the country in it for almost 4 years.
My oldest will be a sophomore next year. Very proud of him and grateful for him but I barely see him now. In a way I think I’ve already done 95% of the job. I have told him now to invest in his friendships and get the most out of being young.
My oldest will be a sophomore next year. Very proud of him and grateful for him but I barely see him now. In a way I think I’ve already done 95% of the job. I have told him now to invest in his friendships and get the most out of being young.
The kid is going to UW Madison, be sure to ask in that letter if they still do lines of coke off the tabletop at the bar (kit kat klub back in the day)
Give yourself time to adjust. The empty nest is great when you get used to it! My wife and I were not "just us" for 23 years and figuring that out again has been the most fun.
My folks sent me without a car for the 1st qtr. I was homesick for a bit but glad that I couldn’t bail. Once tailgate season got there I was fine.
It does take some getting use to. Our youngest had friends at the house all the time and now it is so quiet, but now we are enjoying our grandkids, and enjoying retirement. Good luck!
If it's viable financially, buy a house there for him and friends. My best friends to this day are roommates from the house my dad bought when my older brother was a freshmen. Added fun story, Ann Campbell, mayor at the time was our neighbor. Think my dad charged $250/month to 2 friends/month so covered a decent portion of the mortgage
Another way to get things rolling is sit around the house for a weekend in your underwear. If you did that before, drink coffee in the raw.
Cheeze, people self-medicate in every corner of this old world. It's not specific to U-Mad.
I've got a hunch that the kid has had good enough parenting not to be impressed by all the tooters who toot out there.
It's hard. It just takes time and relish watching him continue to grow up.
Also, after Thanksgiving and Xmas college breaks, I think u find the next stage easier to accept! Lol.
That daughter is in 5th grade in my head. Time flies. Great weekend for a wedding, congrats!
