Thank you! Hope it stays that way. 40% chance of rain. Inside wedding so it should be good. Throw in almost longest day of the year and it should go smooth.
Kids leaving the nest - how to cope?
- Thread starter Peter
- Start date
First time I ever got a good nights sleep was after our youngest enrolled at ISU and moved out of the house. For years I was waiting up for him and his older siblings to get home before curfew. From that point on, they were 2.5 hours away, and I did not hear what they were doing or any minor trouble they might be getting into.
Even today in their 30s we still talk and text regularly, the bond is still there, but the insane amount of worrying I did when they lived at home is now gone. It's nice to just be together with my wife, and our daughter and two of our grandkids live 3 blocks away.
My wife really struggled when our youngest moved away to college and then again when he graduated and moved to Dallas, but we found each other again, after all those years of being a parent, we were a couple again, and for the most part, its been very nice.
Even today in their 30s we still talk and text regularly, the bond is still there, but the insane amount of worrying I did when they lived at home is now gone. It's nice to just be together with my wife, and our daughter and two of our grandkids live 3 blocks away.
My wife really struggled when our youngest moved away to college and then again when he graduated and moved to Dallas, but we found each other again, after all those years of being a parent, we were a couple again, and for the most part, its been very nice.
Had the same feelings. It's normal. You will find that every stage is great. Different, but awesome. Grandkids are coming before you know it old man.
My daughter is at UW-Madison! She loves it. I cried a lot more than I expected when she moved out. Even people asking about her would set me off. But, seeing how happy she is really helped. The house was almost instantly quiet as she is our talker. When she came home for Thanksgiving I gave her the biggest hug and cried with her as it was so great to just have her in my house again. There is an adjustment for sure, and no easy way through. I think I’ll be more ready this fall, even knowing she may not be back next summer. You can’t know the bittersweet sadness mixed with pride until you’re there. Good luck at Madison- it is a GREAT parent visit!
Many years ago on June 20, it rained a little in the morning. Rest of the day was textbook Iowa sunny and warm. Our wedding was at 3, and all was well. Hope the same for yours.
It's time to celebrate. Get some booze. Run around the house in your underwear ... or naked. Just make sure the drapes are closed.
This would be really different if you are married or single to be honest. If you are married you are about to take out an equation that you and your wife counted on being there. Kids basically make it different on how you and the spouse run the household. When the kids all leave. It's just you and the wife and you will have to figure out that relationship as well. It's not like when you were younger and got married. I was divorced so I was living alone. I think it made it much easier for me. I didn't have to figure out my relationship with the wife. You will now be together all the time. No longer will kids practice, kids events, and all of that give you time apart or time together. That is a huge factor my married brother struggled with. It was just him and his wife and they had to figure out together how things work again.
Not quite there yet but my oldest is headed into her junior year, which seems impossible. Little **** has already figured out the quickest way to convince her old man of something is to remind me she'll be living somewhere else in a couple years.
My soon to be junior youngest son is taking the opposite track of taunting us that we'll be on our own soon. It's giving my wife plenty of stress whereas I'm more like thanks for cutting my food bill in half.
Don't worry about them leaving home. If you insist on worrying, worry about them coming back.
Not sure this is something I’d put out there.
I just got done with year one of empty nesting. She's back home for the summer now.
That first month is rough. There's a ton going on as you get them situated, so you keep busy enough to divert your thoughts. But then when you finally get ready to leave them, reality sinks in. I put a lot of my identity into being a good father and husband, so there was a pretty immediate hole in my life. It sucked. The chaos of every-day parenting is immediately severed. It's a weird feeling that you can only experience. Being told about it doesn't do it justice.
My best advice: Remember how much fun you had that first year of colllege and realize that you want your kid to have the same type of memories that you still carry with you. It helps cushion the blow. Your son will let you know how much communication is too much or too little. I thought my daughter would only want to talk once every other week, but she ended up wanting a little more communication than I thought (which was great for dad!) Once you figure that out, you get to really look forward to the face-times or texts or calls and they become some of your favorite moments where you get to hear about their lives and experiences.
Lotsa good advice from others in here about what to do with yourself after it happens. We have been going to the gym more often, and I've been able to stop eating like a starved raccoon. As a dad, I practically forgot what it was like to eat hot food. It's also nice to be able to spontaneously do things without worrying about if you need to be home or if you're supposed to be cooking for a third person.
A few other random tips.
- Ask them for stories about stuff that happened versus yes/no questions
- Be prepared for the inevitable "I don't need supervision over anything, I've been on my own" attitude. It happens almost immediately. Couple this with the fact that kids don't make plans anymore and you'll have fun that first time they come home. It's like you want to still parent them, but they aren't having it.
It becomes fun when your kid transitions from that stage where they need to be parented to the stage where they become young adults and your friend. You get to see that you did your job as a parent and reap the benefits with lots of laughter.
That first month is rough. There's a ton going on as you get them situated, so you keep busy enough to divert your thoughts. But then when you finally get ready to leave them, reality sinks in. I put a lot of my identity into being a good father and husband, so there was a pretty immediate hole in my life. It sucked. The chaos of every-day parenting is immediately severed. It's a weird feeling that you can only experience. Being told about it doesn't do it justice.
My best advice: Remember how much fun you had that first year of colllege and realize that you want your kid to have the same type of memories that you still carry with you. It helps cushion the blow. Your son will let you know how much communication is too much or too little. I thought my daughter would only want to talk once every other week, but she ended up wanting a little more communication than I thought (which was great for dad!) Once you figure that out, you get to really look forward to the face-times or texts or calls and they become some of your favorite moments where you get to hear about their lives and experiences.
Lotsa good advice from others in here about what to do with yourself after it happens. We have been going to the gym more often, and I've been able to stop eating like a starved raccoon. As a dad, I practically forgot what it was like to eat hot food. It's also nice to be able to spontaneously do things without worrying about if you need to be home or if you're supposed to be cooking for a third person.
A few other random tips.
- Ask them for stories about stuff that happened versus yes/no questions
- Be prepared for the inevitable "I don't need supervision over anything, I've been on my own" attitude. It happens almost immediately. Couple this with the fact that kids don't make plans anymore and you'll have fun that first time they come home. It's like you want to still parent them, but they aren't having it.
It becomes fun when your kid transitions from that stage where they need to be parented to the stage where they become young adults and your friend. You get to see that you did your job as a parent and reap the benefits with lots of laughter.
I enjoyed them when they were home. I read to them when they were younger and went to nearly all their band concerts and sporting events. I still help them move. They have their lives to live. I do wish they'd visit more like "The Cat's in the Cradle" but that's not the same thing as getting all sentimental about the leaving home.
We just remodeled our basement. Got a dumpster a few months ago and just started to get rid of stuff. Never batted an eye on some stuff. We literally filled a 20’ roll off with demo stuff and junk from around the house. We are not horders by any stretch of the imagination, but around 30 years of stuff we decided to purge. We had quite a few people ask us if we were moving and they applauded us for getting rid of stuff. They all said they need to do the same thing. I can’t imagine what some people’s houses look like inside. Namely those that have a garage and don’t even put a car in it.
I can relate to this, when we moved to Ames after 33 years in our old place, we rented a 40 foot dumpster, we filled it 2.5 times, just getting rid of stuff that we did not want to move. For years, the practice was, just take it to the basement we may need it in the future. Just boxes of crap that we had accumulated over three decades, TVs, kids toys and other stuff. Even after we moved we filled up an unused bedroom downstairs with stuff that was left over after the move. Need to go down there an organize it, and get is squared away.
My son has nit been home more than 2 weeks any one Summer since going to school.
Summer before College Started - marched DCI all summer
1st Summer- Did a 4 credit summer school course in Montana - was home for two weeks.
2nd Summer - worked for Auburn University and counted birds all over Alabama
3rd Summer - working for Emporia University counting Bird nest in middle Kansas all summer
They don't always come home at summer time unfortunately.
Sounds like I need to introduce my birder to your birder. She'll be a senior at ISU this fall.
