***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-08-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-11-20-2019.252903/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-11-27-2019.253132/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-04-2019.253299/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-11-2019.253483/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/


Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-08-2020
With special guest Cy$
Presented by Geico: Save 15% on CyCash Insurance by switching to Geico


@VeloClone gets us started with a question regarding the use of the phrase “hot water heater”: If the water is already hot, why does it need to be heated?
Cy$: There’s a rumor that the University of Iowa named it the hot water heater. This question might be better for someone on HawkeyeNation.
Pants: Because it’s a heater that makes water hot. Come on guys, your command of the english language is embarrassing.
GTO: I guess because it makes more sense than “cold water heater”?

@SCyclone having separation anxiety from our announcement of being off for two weeks: And just what in the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime if we have questions? Come on, man, you can't just leave us in the lurch!
Pants: GTO, can you insert the gif of the Texas Tech dude aggressively ringing the bell?
GTO: Spend time with family and friends, watch some bowl games, go to a New Year’s Eve party?
Cy$: As this is a PG-13 website due to BDK, I can’t give you a lot of suggestions of things to do with your time off. As an Iowa State fan, I suggest watching this game again.
GTO: Which one?

@Doc laying the smack down on Cy$ for saying he would answer questions during our absence: Why are you answering questions over the holidays? Does your family hate you? Loser.
GTO: Oh, snap! (do people still say “oh, snap!”?)
Cy$: What a loaded question. As you might be aware of, I need a distraction from the rejection of a certain lady. This mailbag is my girlfriend for the time being. My family has always hated me so nothing new there. “Loser” is the nicest thing Doc’s said to me besides that I don’t have man boobs.
Pants: Wait, doesn’t everyone hate Cy$? I thought that was his schtick?
Cy$: I even got it copyrighted.

@Doc asks: @Cy$ let's say you're in a communal jail cell (drunk tank, whatever) that has the single toilet in the corner? What is the proper etiquette for when somebody takes a ****?
Cy$: As we are in a jail cell, the people in your jail cell could use some lessons in class. You have to lead by example and show dominance. I’d ask my cellmates “Gentlemen, I shall warn you of the deuce I need to deliver. May I use the shitter?” The cellmates will be caught off guard by the class displayed and will certainly let you go do your business without getting upset or causing trouble. Your cellmates will have no choice but to ask you in a similar fashion when they need to use the shitter next time.
Pants: Just take a dump, and if anyone makes eye contact, take a dump on whatever they’re sleeping on later that night. It’s dog eat dog in the clink.
GTO: remove your coat (or shirt, if you have no coat) and place over your lap when taking that dump. That would be my move.

@BCClone was feeling all seasonal: What are the top 3-4 Christmas cookies and/or desserts?
Pants: Gingersnaps, Snickerdoodles, sugar cookies with decoration, poinsettia.
GTO: Danish butter cookies, pecan wedding cookies, and ginger snaps. Not sure if all of those are Christmas cookies, but they feel like it.
Cy$: What is the definition of a christmas cookie/dessert? Isn’t it just a cookie/dessert with christmas decorations on them? I prefer sugar, gingerbread, and snickerdoodles but it’s not a law that I can’t eat them 24/7. Though if I did Doc would make fun of my man boobs.

@Cyched with one of his usual mindf*cks: How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live in them?
GTO: I’m going to base my answer on some scientific research I learned from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. There were several episodes where Spongebob got out of the water (including a whole movie) which resulted in no discernible change in ocean levels. At least none that my keen eyes could notice. So the answer is: no change.
Cy$: As GTO said, Spongebob is my source for this topic. There wouldn’t be any change unless Spongebob was cancelled. If Spongebob was cancelled then people would remove sponges in real life as a protest to Nickelodeon cancelling the beloved TV series. This is the reason Spongebob is still going after all this time.
Pants: About a sixteenth of an inch. You should know all about that measurement.

 

[GTO]

@Doc asks: @Cy$ how does blockchain work? I’m confused as hell on blockchain.
Cy$:When a block stores new data it is added to the blockchain. Blockchain, as its name suggests, consists of multiple blocks strung together. In order for a block to be added to the blockchain, however, four things must happen:

1. A transaction must occur. Let’s continue with the example of your impulsive Amazon purchase. After hastily clicking through multiple checkout prompt, you go against your better judgment and make a purchase.
2. That transaction must be verified. After making that purchase, your transaction must be verified. With other public records of information, like the Securities Exchange Commission, Wikipedia, or your local library, there’s someone in charge of vetting new data entries. With blockchain, however, that job is left up to a network of computers. When you make your purchase from Amazon, that network of computers rushes to check that your transaction happened in the way you said it did. That is, they confirm the details of the purchase, including the transaction’s time, dollar amount, and participants. (More on how this happens in a second.)
3. That transaction must be stored in a block. After your transaction has been verified as accurate, it gets the green light. The transaction’s dollar amount, your digital signature, and Amazon’s digital signature are all stored in a block. There, the transaction will likely join hundreds, or thousands, of others like it.
4. That block must be given a hash. Not unlike an angel earning its wings, once all of a block’s transactions have been verified, it must be given a unique, identifying code called a hash. The block is also given the hash of the most recent block added to the blockchain. Once hashed, the block can be added to the blockchain.
   When that new block is added to the blockchain, it becomes publicly available for anyone to view—even you. If you take a look at Bitcoin’s blockchain, you will see that you have access to transaction data, along with information about when (“Time”), where (“Height”), and by who (“Relayed By”) the block was added to the blockchain.

Pants: Blockchain is the thing that people had in the 90s that was a chain that connected your pocket to your wallet, right?
GTO: You’ve come to the right place. We’re about to introduce our own CF cryptocurrency called CyCash (or Cy$ for short). One Cy$ is worth about 0.33 Chizik Coins.
Cy$: Didn’t realize GTO held Chizek in such high regard.

@jcyclonee questioning our vacation policy: What makes you think you can take two weeks off for the holidays? This is no way to run a start-up.
Pants: *****, this is already a corporation. This ain’t know LLC.
GTO: The Insider Information Crew employee handbook indicates that we get 4 weeks off per year: Christmas Week, New Years Week, Arbor Day week, and Boxing Day (the sport, not the weird British holiday) week.
Cy$: I was ready to fill in but GTO and Pants are sticklers in negotiations. I wanted my own private jet but had to settle for relationship advice.
Cy$: It’s no, pants….don’t get me to start using a dictionary for the rest of the mailbag.
Pants: I said know and I stand by it.

@jcyclonee asks: Has anybody that's participated in the Tetris World Championships ever asked a girl out previously?
GTO: Only online, behind multiple firewalls and VPNs.
Cy$: I’m looking to make history in becoming the first to do so. I’ve been dedicating my craft to the sport of Tetris and can’t wait to prove the naysayers wrong. I will warn you to keep expectations low as once I win the TWC and ask the girl out, it’s pretty optimistic that she’ll say yes.
Pants: Successfully? Or just at all?

@SCyclone with a weirdly phrased question: Why are the Maldives?
Cy$: After I win the TWC, I will buy a small island off the Maldives and open up a basketball academy to send Iowa State basketball players. Prohm could use some 7 footers from the Maldives.
Pants: A type of olive you put in a martini.
GTO: Let me ask you this: why are they not?

@Gunnerclone asks: Two low maintenance nickels or one high maintenance dime?
Pants: Once again, two is too much work, low or high maintenance. Give me the dime.
GTO: Two low maintenance nickels. I hate high maintenance coins because they just don’t try hard enough. A low maintenance coin will actually put in the effort.
Cy$: One high maintenance dime. More options to either keep the dime or split it into two 2 low maintenance nickels, 1 nickel and 5 basic pennies, or 10 basic pennies. I’m glad we finally don’t have a question about girls or my girl struggles.

@CoachHines3 asks: i thought of a question but forgot it. do you know what my question was?
GTO: Easy. Your question was: “do you know what my question was?”
Cy$: Who do you kill first. Yamanashi or DeShazer?
Pants: “Is Pants as sexy in real life as I imagine.” And the answer is yes.

 

[GTO]

@Cyched again: If there's an exception to every rule, isn't there an exception to that rule?
Cy$: Of course. If my favorite movie Lion King taught me anything, it’s the circle of life.
Pants: That’s not a rule, that’s a colloquium.
GTO: When that happens, the exception becomes the norm. Therefore, you are left without any exceptions.

@CoachHines3 with an existential question: why am I the way I am?
Pants: This sounds like the ever long question of nature vs nurture. In reality there is no right or wrong answer there. Most likely it’s a combination of both. We can’t change the biological makeup of who we are, but we can change what we feel, how we feel it, and how we interpret the things around us.
GTO: That question is almost the same backwards as forwards. Let me try: Am I way the I am why? Not quite, I guess.
Cy$: I’m not a therapist but would like to sit down and chat for a minute. I’m sure the stress of your students and faculty has been an enormous burden for you to handle. Yamanashi not piping down, principal being too easy on the guys, the Oliver Twist play being a disaster can’t be easy to deal with. Not having a lady also has to be difficult (I would know). Someday the students will respect the badass that you are and a sweet senorita will appear in your life to make you happy.

@Blandboy feeling down after the bowl game: Just watched Bucky return a kick-off for a TD in the Rose Bowl. Any chance we’ll actually attempt a return in 2020?
GTO: Yes. But we will be flagged for a penalty when the ref notices that the punt returner had Gorilla Glue on his gloves.
Cy$: I heard Manning had some influence on special teams so I’ll go with yes.
Pants: Statistically speaking, you’re better off taking the ball on the 25 every time. I know people want to see the flash and splash, but the smarter bet is taking the touchback.

@ImJustKCClone testing the waters: Is it safe to venture into the basketball threads yet, or is everyone still over-the-top pissed off?
Cy$: You won’t like my posts over there. If you like ‘your mom’ jokes then you might like the TCU thread from the other night.
Pants: I’m not going to lie, I’m officially off the Prohm train. I don’t think he should be fired mid-season, but if we don’t see a drastic change, it might get ugly in the off season.
GTO: EVERYONE is still pissed. Including Steve Prohm at the gas station. Just imagine what it will be like after the KU game. People will break all the CF furniture.

@mdk2isu checking in: Why did this 'weekly' mailbag disappear for 2 weeks? Slackers.
Pants: Time is money, and you haven’t paid your dues.
GTO: The mailbag did not disappear and these are not the droids you’re looking for.
Cy$: Pants and GTO haven’t accrued enough time to get two weeks of PTO. Someone contact authorities.

@CoKane asks: Favorite CF troll of all time?
GTO: YeahBuddy or BodeClone. Two of the dumbest posters to ever grace CF.
Cy$: Me. I love myself. Getting Cat banned on his cylove and Macloney accounts were enjoyable.
Pants: internetman/bannedman. I honestly don’t know how this is even a question. He’s ******* hilarious.

@Sigmapolis asks: What are the top five ways cats are better than dogs?
Cy$: They aren’t. Next question.
Pants: 1. Cats suck
2. They poop in your house. That’s gross.
3. Cats suck so much I’m only giving three answers.
GTO:1. They don’t have to be walked outside in sub-zero or triple digit temperatures.
2. Cleaner than dogs.
3. They don’t eat their own crap and then try to lick your face afterwards.
4. Can hunt down vermin (mice, rats, etc.)
5. Are not as loud as dogs.

@mdk2isu with the counterpoint: What are the top five ways dogs are better than cats?
Pants: 1. They’re not cats.
2. They unconditionally love you.
3. Chick magnets
4. Can take for walks
5. They’re not cats.
GTO: 1. They’re not constantly showing you their butthole.
2. Won’t tear your furniture to shreds.
3. Won’t scratch you.
4. Unconditional love.
5. Can protect you from intruders/attackers.
Cy$: 1) Girls dig cats. The sad thing is I have an adorable dog and still can’t get any.
2) Dogs can protect you better. If GTO or pants try to start anything I’ll get my dog to attack.
3) Dogs aren’t as stupid.
4) Dogs are able to help you stay fit and active.
5) When kids are exposed to dog dust at an early age, their chances of allergies and asthma decrease compared to cats.

 

[GTO]

@SCyclone asks: Who wins the battle of the college mascots (cage match rules)?
GTO: Nothing beats a Cyclone. A Cyclone can kill a Bear, Wildcat, Longhorn, Horned Frog, all the human mascots (Mountaineer, Sooner, RedRaider, and Cowboy), and even whatever the **** a Jayhawk is supposed to be.
Cy$: Nothing beats the Cyclones. Except Rattlers and Horned Frogs apparently.
Pants: The Stanford Tree. I mean, it’s a tree.
GTO: False. A Cyclone will uproot a tree or maybe break it in half.
Pants: But that tree will still exist. A Cyclone will disappear as soon as the atmosphere changes. Weak.

@cmjh10 asks: Should we even have an athletic department at this point?
Cy$: Probably not. We can donate the money to World War 3 or my bank account. Your choice.
Pants: This is the start of the e-sport takeover.
GTO: Take all the money and form a competitive drinking games team, Beerfest style.

@Cy$ observes: @GTO vs @cyrocksmypants at Wrestlemania with me as guest referee. Should be fun!
GTO: Everyone knows that Pants and I could not face each other, as we are members of the same tag team. We’re like Hawk and Animal. However, if anyone wants to face me at Wrestlemania, you best come prepared for anything and everything, because I fight dirty (eye rakes, low blows, brass knuckles, spitting mist, fat jokes, etc.).
Pants: GTO. I’m about 70% certain he’s actually a lucha libre.
Cy$: I promise to be a neutral referee with no bias. I can’t promise BodeClone doesn’t come out and hit someone with a steel chair however.
Cy$: Me and BodeClone vs. GTO and Pants for the Smackdown Tag Titles at Wrestlemania. Special guest referee is Rulzzz.
GTO: Please. I would tombstone piledrive that fool.

@Cy$ again: rate your guests in order from best to worst?
Pants: This is liking asking which kid is your favorite. I hate all of you equally.
GTO: All the guests we have had brought something good to the table. We haven’t had a bad one yet (except for maybe @Fitzy and possibly @Cy$). Wait until you see the guest lineup we have on deck for 2020! We have a full calendar of scheduled guests up to 1-15-2020.
Cy$: I’m the worst. Rulzzz is the best. If you ain’t first, you’re last so who cares about the rest.

@BCClone wanting to get the most intimate of mailbag details: Are the mailbags silky smooth or fuzzy like?
GTO: The mailbag is neatly trimmed and on Valentine's day it surprises us with a nice heart shaped pattern.
Cy$: Silky smooth during the day and fuzzy at night.
Pants: Fuzzy like. Silky smooth only works for newer mailbags, not seasoned ones like this one.

@ImJustKCClone asks @Cy$: I've always wondered what thread your signature came from - can you link it?
Cy$: Georges Niang’s mom used to be on CF back when Niang played. Somebody was talking badly about Fred and how Niang was the person that made Fred look great. Then she posted that. I kept it as a lot of people still hate Fred for him leaving and try to discredit his accomplishments here for various reasons. It’s a reminder that Niang wouldn’t have came here without Fred. The post has since been deleted so I can’t link the post but that is really Niang’s mom that posted that.
Pants: Mine was because I break a lot of news from my inside connections. My most recent one was Foster.
GTO: I knew that was George’s mom because of the username. We need more celebrity posters on CF. Someone like Steve Prohm or Prentiss Nixon would be good to have posting on here.
Cy$: At least we have Rashon Clark and BVDV.

@Angie asks: What is your favorite type of bread for toast?
GTO: 1. Brioche 2. Texas Toast 3. Cinnamon Swirl Raisin 4. Sourdough. In that order.
Pants: Depends on what the toast is for. Toasted Hawaiian sweet bread to make a grilled cheese sandwich with brie cheese is a freaking treat.
Cy$: Garlic bread

@Doc asks: How many years before we're back in the NCAA tourney? I'm thinking 6.
@VegasCy also asks: When is the next year we will be in the NCAA tournament?
Pants: We’re getting rid of basketball this year to bring back baseball.

And e-sports.
Cy$: I think we’ll get back in 2023. Whether the coach is the same or not then is the question.
GTO: This year. As long as we buy tickets early to one of the sessions.

@SCyclone with a King Solomon type of choice: As Iowa State's athletic director, you have to hire a basketball coach. You have two choices - Steve Alford, or Fran McCaffery. Who do you hire?
No answering this with a question, or conditions. Just answer it!
Cy$: Alford. I couldn’t stand listening to Fran’s sons the whole time.
GTO: Alford is the only reasonable choice. Then again, McCaffery would be great so that we could see all the mental gymnastics from CF die-hards to justify his behavior.
Pants: Easy. Alford. Dude was a piece of ****, but so is Fran, just in a different way. Steve at least won games and wasn’t an every game embarrassment to the program, just an overall embarrassment.

 

[GTO]

@jcyclonee asks: I was paging through my cable company's online programming guide and noticed that some Tetris event was showing on some channel. If I'd have stopped to watch this, would I have seen @Cy$? Maybe this was some other Tetris event.
Assuming this gal of yours said yes (what woman can resist Tetris), what would she wear to the Tetris championships? A fancy gown? A cheerleader outfit? Maybe this:

GTO: It doesn’t matter. Just being a woman at the Tetris Tournament means that she will instantly be in the minds of every nerd in attendance for the next few days. IYKWIM
Pants: Honestly, I still don’t even know if this tournament is real.
Cy$: You wouldn’t. I’m still in my training phase.
Funny you say cheerleader outfit….but anyways I’d say this would be the outfit

Cy$: Well pants, Iowa State is 1-0 and got their best win of the season when Tetris was shown after the game. Iowa State is 1-3 losing to Iowa, FA&M, and TCU since. The Tetris curse is real everyone.

@Gunnerclone asks: What is your champagne of choice? Do you like sweeter varieties or the dryer stuff?
@Ms3r4ISU with the internet spell check: I’d ask “sweeter or drier?” Because laundry bubbly sounds awful.
Pants: For champagne, sweeter. I’m not much of a bubbly drinker, but dry champagne makes me gag. Sweet I can only handle one glass, or flute or whatever, because it’s so sweet, but at least I can finish it. Also, I feel like most single ladies in their 20s and 30s are more prone to sweet champagne, and that’s ultimately who I’d want to be drinking it with.
Cy$: I’m not much of a drinker (yeah, I know I suck). I’ll drink some red wine on the holidays. Besides, I have to make sure Doc can’t make fun of my man boobs.
GTO: Sweet. I despise all dry wines and champagnes, but also all the ultra-sweet ones. I do like them with some crisp like maybe a nice Riesling.

@jcyclonee wanting to get a peek into our closets: And what's your favorite dress to wear when you go out to the club?
Cy$: Funny story. When me and BodeClone were dating, he wanted me to wear this to a bar.

It resulted in a breakup and besides CF never spoke to him again.
GTO: Nothing too revealing. I’m a lady in the streets but a freak in between the sheets.
Pants: A good maxi dress that’s low cut to show off my cleavage.

@NWICY asks: If we lose in MBB to TCU and KU, will there be people burning Prohm effigies in front of the doors at Hilton Coliseum?
On a lighter note hope you both had a good holiday season.
GTO: They better get their fire sprinklers tested Wednesday morning...
Pants: Get the lighter fluid ready…..
Cy$: The easiest one is out of the way. At this point I’d rather have that happen then nobody caring.

 

[GTO]

@NWICY asks: Was the guy who threatened everybody that weekend over stuff in a Des Moines bar a troll or just crazy? He went on for hours about videos and fights that didn't happen.
Pants: Definitely crazy. I know he tried to pretend eventually like he was messing around, but he was definitely crazy. He screen shot my location in my profile and said he was calling the cops on me for saying I was going to break into @3TrueFans house to molest him.
Cy$: Crazy. I’ve done some creepy/weird **** but even he was going off the rails. Maybe that’s why that girl rejected me
GTO: What thread was this and how did I miss it? Is this like that other dude a couple of years ago who was challenging everyone to a fight and asking people’s real name and location? He then put his real name and location on his signature. Last name Chapman (or something like that), if I remember correctly.

@coolerifyoudid with a question that should be discussed with his primary health care practitioner: What is the worst present you ever received from your wife/girlfriend for Christmas?
...tickets to New Kids on the Block concert, membership to wine cooler of the month club, chlamydia
Cy$: a rejection and a restraining order...kidding on the restraining order…
Pants: Hey Cy$......is everything okay?
Cy$: What a silly question.
GTO: We don’t usually exchange Christmas presents anymore, just buy things for the kids. Sometimes we do buy some stuff we need during the Christmas sales and call that our own gift.
Pants: Probably divorce paperwork.

@Cy$ asks: Besides Cy$, who is the worst poster on cyclonefanatic.com?
GTO: Any of the Hok fans who pretend to be Cyclone fans. I just don’t get it.
Pants: CNE. I can’t remember the full username, but definitely him. He tries really hard to troll, but is REALLY bad at it. It’s sad to watch.
Cy$: My alt account, BodeClone. Anybody that thinks I am a good poster needs to seek help.

@cyrocksmypants after the TCU game trying to stir **** up: Anything happen today?
Cy$: Besides debating my failures at life, I started a new job Monday. Found the person they call jordanj. Now if he plays mafia again I can tell if he’s mafia or not.
GTO: We’d be unbeaten and ranked top 5 in the nation if we played Terrence Lewis more.
Pants: Was this after the TCU game? Or the A&M game? Either way, we’re not very good at basketball right now.

@jcyclonee asks: How was y'all's holidays? Have the Tetris championships happened yet? Besides @Cy$ and I, who is the worst poster on CF? No trolls allowed as answers. Bode and BDK don't count either.
GTO: Holidays were great! Thanks for asking. Damn, no trolls allowed as an answer? I’ll agree with Pants that some posters in the Cave can be straight up pieces of ****.
Pants: Relaxing! Also, the worst without trolling? There’s some totally racist ones that post in the cave. I won’t name them here, but if you spend time in the cave, you know who they are.
Cy$: Well since I can’t say the two obvious candidates, I’ll say Cat Stevens. He has the most alt accounts on the board including the Hawk trolls. I respect him defending the coaches but not the language or the way he acted towards people. I’m surprised he didn’t get banned sooner. I’m wondering how long until he gets a new account.

@jcyclonee forgot to include a table of contents to this question: On Monday, December 30, we went to Jordan Creek Town Center in the afternoon and evening. There were people everywhere. On the rare occasions that I go to the malls in the TCs, they seem to always be pretty empty. Again, this was a Monday evening (admittedly, when school was out) when we visited. Seeing all these people hanging out at a mall reminded me of my glory days of the 80s and early 90s. I know that this time period is becoming trendy again (hello hair scrunchies). The only thing that seemed to be missing was an Orange Julius stand selling a drink with a raw egg added.
This leads me to my question.
Does this mean that Des Moines is hopelessly stuck in the past or is it on the cutting edge of the new (or possibly recycled) pop culture movement? Has Des Moines become the new Beverly Hills or whatever neighborhood in Brooklyn is currently fashionable?
Pants: I checked out mentally about halfway through this novel, but I think I get the gist of what the question probably was going to be. Auntie Anne’s is the best normal mall joint. When Birdsalls was in Southbridge Mall in Mason City, it was that, though.
Cy$: There’s lots of other business around Jordan Creek to keep it being profitable. I’ll use Merle Hay as an example. Besides BrewFlix and Target, the place is a ghost town. I don’t think it’s a Des Moines thing but Jordan Creek is in a good location with lots of other shopping options around.
I grew up near Council Bluffs. The Mall of the Bluffs was packed back in the late 90’s. I went there 2 years ago to get something at Target and the place was empty. It’s said what’s happened to malls.
GTO: I hate to say it, but Des Moines (and Iowa in general) is stuck in the past. But that is also part of its charm.

@VeloClone asks: Who would you trust more to get the facts right: Dwight Schrute, Lucy Van Pelt, or Cliff Clavin?
Cy$: I watched way too much Lucy since my mom is a huge fan so I’ll say her so I don’t get my ass kicked when I visit over the holidays.
GTO: Dwight Schrute. Just because he is confident when he makes a statement.
Pants: I don’t know what any of this is. Did I just have a stroke?

@CoachHines3 asks: why r people on this site the way they are?
GTO: Lack of proactive modding.
Pants: Meth.
Cy$: Drugs.
GTO: Guys, I think he meant more than just @Gunnerclone.

 

[GTO]

@Gunnerclone asks: What is your favorite t shirt you’ve ever owned?
Pants: This one:

Cy$:

GTO: Something like this?

@SCyclone with the tanker trailer of Kool-Aid: What are the odds that Uncle Randy breaks something after the Cyclones win Wednesday night?
Cy$: I’ll break my other ankle if Iowa State wins Wednesday. Top that Randy.
GTO: @Cy$ *cankle
Pants: One can only hope.

@SCyclone asks: Now that Kirk Cousins has finally won a playoff/prime time/big stage game, does this mean we have to quit giving him $hit about his big, guaranteed contract?
GTO: Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.
Pants: I’ve never said anything positive or negative about Cousins. Unless they’re hot cousins.
Cy$: You like that?

@VegasCy asks: What is your best post of all time?
Pants: I’m a mobile poster and don’t want to try to dig it up on my laptop, but probably the one where I started the thread about Hoiberg buying out Prohm’s contract with his buyout from the Bulls. I’m really proud of that whole thing. Shoutout to @CycloneErik for actually giving me the idea to do it.
Cy$: Everyone of them has heart and passion behind it. They are all so great that I can’t pick between them.
GTO: Probably the thread I started about Hawkeyes in the NBA. That first post had close to a hundred likes/winners. I really didn’t expect that.

@Cy$ asks of @CoachHines3: Who do you like more? Me or yamanashi?
Cy$: Yamanashi. That dude pulls girls like no other.
GTO: Hines all the way. Or is it Hanes her way?
Pants: Is that the hot dog eating guy?
GTO: No, that’s Tamagotchi.

 

[GTO]

@VegasCy asks: What are your thoughts on the George Conditt Twitter fiasco? I mean it’s the Internet, aren’t there reasonable expectations of D baggery when you are a well-known person with a public account? I guess I see it both ways, as a nineteen year-old this is definitely a learning experience for him, but as a supporter of ISU athletics, if feels like there has been a blanket indictment of all ISU fans based on the actions of a few.
GTO: Players are off limits. However, I do believe paid coaches should be fair game for scrutiny (to a point).
Pants: It seemed like fans weren’t actually @ing players, which it initially seemed was the case. So that’s good. Because people that do that are the absolute scum of the earth. But in a grander scheme, I hate all of this whole thing. We, as a fan base, pride ourselves on how great we are, and always mock Hawks for being a ****** fan base. But in reality, this year has really shown me that we’ve become what we hate. A fan base full of entitled ******** expecting greatness from a team that’s never achieved it before. It makes me really sad to see.
Cy$: An athlete has two options. Deactivate the account or keep it up. I believe that it goes both ways. A player has to be able to take criticism if he wants admiration. There are boundaries (racism, threats, etc.) that are never tolerated. If I played, I’d deactivate it during the season and keep it open during the off-season.

@Cy$ asks: What is your favorite gif?
Pants: I don’t know why, but I love this one:

Cy$:

GTO:

@VegasCy with a sequel to @jcyclonee’s novel: Time to vent...It seemed like the CWB was a microcosm of our issues we’ve had all year, at least lately.
1. Can’t stop the run
2. Porous pass defense, especially against above average skill players
3. Special teams mistakes
4. Inability to run the ball when needed, short yardage, or inside the opponents 40
5. Inability to pressure the QB/collapse the pocket
I felt like we made a mediocre ND team look really good. Kansas, K St, and ND were games that we did not look good in and I think we quit in the last two games. In fact, the last two years (2018: K St, Drake, Wash St, 2019: KU, K St, ND) I feel we regressed going down the stretch.
How shocked were you at the outcome in the bowl and why have we struggled to end our season the last two years?
Cy$: Kansas St. always gives us trouble. We split 1-1 so not the worst. The Drake game was hard to get up for last year. Washington St. was a very good team with a QB starting in the NFL.
This year the Kansas game was similar to the Drake game. The Notre Dame game similar to Washington St. except Notre Dame was a better overall team.
GTO: I wasn’t shocked just because we have choked on every major bowl game or regular season finale in the last few years.
Pants: Not shocked at all. I’m more shocked that you think Notre Dame was a mediocre team. That team was a good team, far from mediocre. The last two bowl games haven’t been shocking. We’ve played two teams ranked significantly better than us. KSU is always a tough game, so I don’t consider that an alarming issue. And the Drake game was crazy weather where we were just trying to not get hurt. The only red flag game in that whole bunch of 6 is KU, and they just torched our defense on offense.

 

[GTO]

@CycloneRulzzz asks: I know Pants team is still alive so I know one of answers to question 1. 8 teams are left in the NFL playoffs. Q1 who would you like to see in the Super Bowl and Q2 what Super Bowl matchup you make you want to vomit family guy style?
GTO: Cowboys vs. Packers. Jason Garret will take the ‘Boys to the Super Bowl! What? Not in the playoffs? Garrett gone? JFC...
Pants: 49ers vs. Baltimore rematch. Worst matchup probably Green Bay vs. Houston. A team I hate against a team I don’t care at all about.
Cy$: I’m a Broncos fan for anyone curious. I’d like to see a Titans vs. Packers Super Bowl. I don’t hate the Packers that much. My friend is a Titans fan so it’d be fun to watch the game. The Titans also need revenge for losing by a yard to Kurt Warner.
My nightmare is Vikings vs. Chiefs….I’d take a trip to Europe if that happens.

@VegasCy asks: Any regrets? (related to the post that kickstarted the whole mailbag deal: “Man, **** that noise! @cyrocksmypants and I will put out a weekly mailbag column going forward. I'll post a thread for questions on Monday.”)
Pants: Every single day.
Cy$: I should be in this as a regular. Ratings would skyrocket.
GTO: Just wait until my contract with CW is up. I’m renegotiating not having to do this mailbag anymore.
GTO: Yes, they would skyrocket just like this:

@VegasCy trying to show he’s qualified for the assistant coach position: I thought we played well at TCU, especially considering they had won four straight in the series and it was on the road. I felt Tim Floyd would have won that game by ten points because he would put Samuel on the line 10 plus times in the second half. On the last second shot, I didn’t have an issue with it other than you have to stop the ball and make him pass to someone else. Maybe guarding 94 feet in that situation is not ideal when the 3 point line needs to be locked down? What were your thoughts on this?
Cy$: I’m a fan of fouling in the situation. Way more has to go right for the other team then if you defend.
In the situation of playing defense, the offense has a chance to run a set play. If it’s not a set play, they can catch the defense scrambling.
If you foul, the offense has to miss on purpose, tap it back to a player and make a quick shot. There’s more work necessary for the opponents if you foul.
GTO: I was actually at the game this past Saturday. Right before the play, I turned around to my wife and said: “this is going to overtime the way TCU is shooting threes. This 3-point lead is not enough to get us the win”. Sure enough. Luckily I was already mentally prepared for the nut-shot, so it didn’t hurt as much as it could have. Next time, we should foul them as soon as they inbound the ball. Why risk it?
Pants: Statistically speaking, you’re more likely to win the game letting them shoot than you are fouling.

@VegasCy trying to meet the word count requirement on his paper: I find this fascinating, maybe you don’t, but you still have to answer my question. Almost all successful coaches have had an elite season in building a program, and most are by year 4 or year 5. Here are some examples: (I measured elite as winning 10 games or winning 70% of their games due to ties and less games back in the day)
Mike Gundy: took over after Les Miles resurrected the program, Les averaged 7 wins in in his 4 years in Stillwater
First Elite Season: Year 6, won 78 games the next 8 seasons

Bill Snyder: took over a program that won a TOTAL of 2 games in 3 years prior to his arrival
First Elite Season: Year 5, won 81 games the next 8 years

Hayden Fry: took over a program that averaged less than 3 wins per year the 8 years prior to his arrival.
First Elite Season: Year 5, averaged 9 wins a season the next 5 years

Kirk Ferentz: took over a team that had 3 wins the year prior
First Elite Season: Year 4, won 31 games the next 3 years

Nick Saban: (Michigan St) Nick was a 6 win coach per year in his first 4 years
First Elite Season: Year 5, bolted for LSU after the regular season was over

PJ Fleck: Minnesota averaged 5.6 wins per year the 10 years before his arrival.
First Elite Season: Year 3

Dabo Sweeney: Clemson averaged 7.5 wins per year the 10 years prior to his arrival.
First Elite Season: Year 4, Clemson actual had a losing record in his third year as coach.

Can you think of a coach who had a decent program (7-8 wins) for say 5-6 years and became elite after year 6 or longer?
ISU has hired you as a civilian consultant, your only job is to win 10 games NEXT season. You cannot break NCAA rules or state or federal laws. What changes are you making to win 10 games next year?
GTO: TL;DR. My plan would be to recruit players from the correctional system and form a “Longest Yard” type of team. Then watch them intimidate every opponent causing them to make multiple mistakes. Ten wins easy.
Cy$: Recruit as many grad transfers and JUCO’s as possible. Drop the non-contributing underclassmen to make the room. I’d break the bank on hiring an OC with a similar system to Manning’s so the verbiage is similar but the OC is a better coach.
Pants: Pump the breaks before you call PJ Fleck successful. He had a good year. Matt Campbell. 5 years of 1-9 wins, 11 wins in year 6 at Toledo.

 

[GTO]

@BCClone asks: Am I doing this mailbag question thing wrong? Seems like I am supposed to write a manifesto or something before my question. Am I doing this wrong by being fairly succinct?
Cy$: You need to complain about the poor customer service. This way the writer will feel obligated to write a longer answer.
Pants: Definitely doing it wrong.
GTO: You just wanted an excuse to use the word “succinct”. Well done. By the way, there is no wrong way to mailbag.

@CycloneRulzzz asks: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Pants: 3. Three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
GTO: That truly depends on the ratio of sucking vs. licking. Straight licking, I would guess 672 licks. If sucking, less licks required, but hard to accurately tell. We’re still talking about Tootsie Pops, right?
Cy$: I performed this experiment as an 11 year old. My sample was a standard issue, red Tootsie Pop. This occurred during the summer, and the temperature was roughly 75 degrees, humidity at 13%. Windspeed was 0 mph, as I conducted my experiment in the hall bathroom. I do not recall the barometric pressure. My Tootsie Pop appeared to be of average shape and size, as they were formed in a mold to minimize the standard deviation in physical dimensions.

I noted that a tiny sliver of the outer candy shell, approximately 3-4 milligrams in mass, remained in the wrapper. I then spotted the area on the Tootsie from which the loose debris appeared to have fallen, so I elected not to lick from that area, as not to knowingly compromise my findings. Tootsie Pops are bivertically divided by a prominent ridge, reminiscent of Saturn's moon, Pan. Knowing that I did not want to needlessly prolong this science experiment, I opted to not lick along the ridge.

I had only drank a few sips of Tahitian Treat soda, that day, but had brushed my teeth and gargled with mouthwash afterwards, so my mouths acidity levels would not be inflated beyond the normal levels. I then proceeded to lick the Tootsie Pop along one side, holding the treat as close to a 90 degree angle as possible, using uniform licks of equal speed and distance across the surface. I also resisted temptation to suck on the candy, which would certainly have skewed my results. After 344 licks, I had finally worn down a spot and finally saw the center of the Tootsie Pop. It presented with a dark but glossy sheen, due to my salivary excretions.

I hope this long winded answer satisfies you. Unless you're a kid with nothing better to do, I recommend you take my word for it. It's incredibly mind-numbing, and nobody is going to pay you for unlocking the long standing secret of the mysterious Tootsie Pop.

@cyclones500 asks: NFL: It's Divisional Playoff week. Among the possible conference championship matchups that will come from it, which would interest you the least? (include both AFC and NFC title games). Include your reasons.
And no, you're not allowed to match an AFC vs. NFC team as your "most dreaded" scenario.
GTO: Packers vs. 49ers would be my favorite potential matchup. Would love for Lazard and the Packers to end Kittle’s season. That guy seems like a total tool. Least interest? I'll second Texans vs. Ravens.
Cy$: Texans vs. Ravens interests me the least. For some reason neither team excites me. I have a rooting interest for the Titans. I hate the Chiefs but I’d care about what happens if they played in it.
NFC I’d say Packers vs. 49ers. 49ers are similar to the Ravens in that I don’t care. Seahawks are former rivals and would make the game interesting since they are rivals with the 49ers.
Pants: Least? NFC, Seahawks vs. Vikings. I hate the Packers, but would at least pay attention because of Lazard. AFC, Houston vs. Tennessee. I just don’t care about any players on either of those teams.

@BCClone observes: You being overly optimistic that you can make 45 minutes.
@cyrocksmypants responds: No one wants that. 20-25 tops.
@BCClone asks: Minutes or seconds?
Pants: If it takes you 45 minutes to get your lady off, you’re doing something wrong.
GTO: 45 minutes?! Does that include a break for the leg cramp, nap afterwards, and a shower?
Cy$: My sex life is none of your business.

@cyclones500 asks: What will you miss most about the 2010s? What'll you miss the least? Your answer may involve personal, cultural, whatever-al.
GTO: Won’t miss dabbing, planking, or internet challenges. I’ll miss Game of Thrones.
Cy$: I’ll miss PokemonGo. I won’t miss Vine. I’ve explained why in the past.
Pants: Time is a human construct.

@BCClone at the buzzer: If you could choose to go back to an age in your life nd relive it, what age and why? Anything you would do differently?
Cy$: High school. I was in bad shape for sports and didn’t take academics seriously. I think if I took things more seriously, my life would be vastly different. I can’t change the past, no matter how much I would like to.
Pants: Like 25ish to 30ish? I was a pretty awful person to a lot of people I cared about in my life back then. I’d like to do things a little differently in regards to them.
GTO: Probably 15-21, as I was kind of an angry person and did some stupid stuff. Probably try to be less of an a-hole. Also 21-40 so I could spend more time with my brother and would have gotten him the help he needed. Sorry to end the mailbag on a sad note!
Cy$: Wow guys, not very many questions this time around.
GTO: You shut your mouth, Cy$! Can't do too many more mailbags like this one.

 

[Doc]

Just want to point out that I knew @Cy$ was a total ******* **** poster and pretty much the dregs of online society before it was cool.

 

[Cy$]

Worst mailbag ever

 

[GTO]

The end.

Thanks again to everyone for contributing with your questions. Special thanks to my partner in crime @cyrocksmypants as usual (braving the biggest snowstorm in history to get these questions answered). Also thanks to our special guest @Cy$ for being so bad at this to make us look good! (J/K - he did a great job*)




* getting us coffee and picking up our lunch while we answered all these questions.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback. Now back to my real job.

 

[CoachHines3]

@CoachHines3 with an existential question: why am I the way I am?
Pants: This sounds like the ever long question of nature vs nurture. In reality there is no right or wrong answer there. Most likely it’s a combination of both. We can’t change the biological makeup of who we are, but we can change what we feel, how we feel it, and how we interpret the things around us.
GTO: That question is almost the same backwards as forwards. Let me try: Am I way the I am why? Not quite, I guess.
Cy$: I’m not a therapist but would like to sit down and chat for a minute. I’m sure the stress of your students and faculty has been an enormous burden for you to handle. Yamanashi not piping down, principal being too easy on the guys, the Oliver Twist play being a disaster can’t be easy to deal with. Not having a lady also has to be difficult (I would know). Someday the students will respect the badass that you are and a sweet senorita will appear in your life to make you happy.

pants went too deep and confused me. although i can relate on what we feel. its rhymes with hore knee.

GTFO you can be whatever you want to be

cy dollar sign coming in with nothing but facts.

 

[Angie]

Dude, that's a lot of words. Well done!

 

[Cyched]

Pants: About a sixteenth of an inch. You should know all about that measurement.

Accuracy is important

 

[Cyched]

Pants: Pump the breaks before you call PJ Fleck successful. He had a good year. Matt Campbell. 5 years of 1-9 wins, 11 wins in year 6 at Toledo.

Brakes

 

[Cy$]

when i look back at life 5 years from now, doing this mailbag will be something im not proud of.

 

[CloniesForLife]

Well done gents. That was a nice time waster at work