The SEC College Football Season comes to a climax this weekend in the
Florida v Alabama championship game in Atlanta. The son of Chuck Norris,
Tim Tebow will face an Alabama team aching for revenge after last year's
SEC championship loss to the same unholy lord of college football. Face
it folks, even though Tebow spends his free time preaching to the
incarcerated, curing cancer (we assume), trimming the foreskin of the
impoverished, and keeping the planets properly aligned by toting the
earth around the sun to keep it in its proper orbit; on the field he's
not nearly so generous. On the field he dominates. Just ask him. He'll
tell you over and over again.
In honor of Tebow's sheer awesomeness (gag), we give you the Tebow SEC
Championship Drinking Game!
* Drink every time Tebow is called "a warrior." Bonus chug if any of
your friends sing the first two hours lines of Scandal's opus "I am a
warrior"
and change the lyrics to "Tebow is..." Dance, Tebow, you magnificent
*******.
* Drink every time Tebow's called "a leader," then salute.
* Drink every time Tebow's called a "special athlete," then yell
"Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!"
* Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should win the
Heisman again this year.
* Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only reason
the sky hasn't fallen is the strength of his pointing.
* Drink every time Tebow references God. Or himself. Tom-A-to.
Tom-ah-to.
* Drink every time he's shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like a
bird (or an idiot) to pump up the crowd.
* If (when) Tebow actually takes flight, finish your drink and do a
shot.
* Drink every time Tebow's on camera for no reason when the Florida
defense is on the field.
* Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.
* Drink every time they show a "I Heart Tebow" sign in the stands.
* Drink every time you see a Florida fan in jorts. (Small sips on this
one.
Otherwise it could kill you).
* Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.
* If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines while
he was a missionary - Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron.
**When Alabama wins and Tebow gives a tearful speech in the post-game
press conference, give the television the bird, turn up your bottle of
Jim Beam, and don't stop drinking OR flipping off the TV till Tebow runs
out of tears.
(This may take several bottles of Jim) Then throw the empty bottle(s)
through the television and quote the good book by saying "the Terrence
Cody falls upon the just and the unjust alike!" Club a baby seal and
start prepping for Texas.
(Disclaimer: Playing the Tebow drinking game may well result in death.
So don't do it. Ever. Not even in jest. The content above this
disclaimer is a joke, not a suggestion. If you're dumb enough to do it,
just pray Tebow is nearby. Only he can save you. Him or a local hospital
with a stomach pump.)
Florida v Alabama championship game in Atlanta. The son of Chuck Norris,
Tim Tebow will face an Alabama team aching for revenge after last year's
SEC championship loss to the same unholy lord of college football. Face
it folks, even though Tebow spends his free time preaching to the
incarcerated, curing cancer (we assume), trimming the foreskin of the
impoverished, and keeping the planets properly aligned by toting the
earth around the sun to keep it in its proper orbit; on the field he's
not nearly so generous. On the field he dominates. Just ask him. He'll
tell you over and over again.
In honor of Tebow's sheer awesomeness (gag), we give you the Tebow SEC
Championship Drinking Game!
* Drink every time Tebow is called "a warrior." Bonus chug if any of
your friends sing the first two hours lines of Scandal's opus "I am a
warrior"
and change the lyrics to "Tebow is..." Dance, Tebow, you magnificent
*******.
* Drink every time Tebow's called "a leader," then salute.
* Drink every time Tebow's called a "special athlete," then yell
"Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!"
* Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should win the
Heisman again this year.
* Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only reason
the sky hasn't fallen is the strength of his pointing.
* Drink every time Tebow references God. Or himself. Tom-A-to.
Tom-ah-to.
* Drink every time he's shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like a
bird (or an idiot) to pump up the crowd.
* If (when) Tebow actually takes flight, finish your drink and do a
shot.
* Drink every time Tebow's on camera for no reason when the Florida
defense is on the field.
* Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.
* Drink every time they show a "I Heart Tebow" sign in the stands.
* Drink every time you see a Florida fan in jorts. (Small sips on this
one.
Otherwise it could kill you).
* Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.
* If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines while
he was a missionary - Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron.
**When Alabama wins and Tebow gives a tearful speech in the post-game
press conference, give the television the bird, turn up your bottle of
Jim Beam, and don't stop drinking OR flipping off the TV till Tebow runs
out of tears.
(This may take several bottles of Jim) Then throw the empty bottle(s)
through the television and quote the good book by saying "the Terrence
Cody falls upon the just and the unjust alike!" Club a baby seal and
start prepping for Texas.
(Disclaimer: Playing the Tebow drinking game may well result in death.
So don't do it. Ever. Not even in jest. The content above this
disclaimer is a joke, not a suggestion. If you're dumb enough to do it,
just pray Tebow is nearby. Only he can save you. Him or a local hospital
with a stomach pump.)
