I agree with this. Destroy their friendship. Seems like it would solve some problems for you.
relationship advice
- Thread starter Mtowncyclone13
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I agree with this. Destroy their friendship. Seems like it would solve some problems for you.
really cool people, that are "good" people, sometimes need to let their hair down, so to speak. I'm a very tightly wound person, but once a year I get together with friends that makes my wife skin crawl, just so I can let loose.
Best to trust her and encourage her to have a good time (being bitchy about it will only make her want to do something bad). (had a similar situation with my wife doing trips with her single friends to Chicago), but set some ground rules about checking in (couched in "worry" about safety) call/text me when you get there, get other phone numbers, hotel, house, whatever in case of emergency, and set a time for her to call the kids/you. Also, some cute texts of the kids around bed time reminding her of her family won't hurt before "bar time." Also, a little gift for her for the trip, a favorite treat for the road, or book, or something before she goes would also reinforce your love for her.
The most important thing is to not let the negativity of this person enter your marriage.
Then, I think long-term, your wife will either tire of her, and you need to find alternatives to make new friends. My personal beliefs would be to encourage church of some kind. If you both religious, active church goers? If so, I would encourage a chat with the pastor about this friend.
Also, I hate to pull this card, but a talk with her parents about it might also be an option. Seek their council, and they may do the dirty work for you, or at least provide insight on what they motivation is/how to handle it.
Best to trust her and encourage her to have a good time (being bitchy about it will only make her want to do something bad). (had a similar situation with my wife doing trips with her single friends to Chicago), but set some ground rules about checking in (couched in "worry" about safety) call/text me when you get there, get other phone numbers, hotel, house, whatever in case of emergency, and set a time for her to call the kids/you. Also, some cute texts of the kids around bed time reminding her of her family won't hurt before "bar time." Also, a little gift for her for the trip, a favorite treat for the road, or book, or something before she goes would also reinforce your love for her.
The most important thing is to not let the negativity of this person enter your marriage.
Then, I think long-term, your wife will either tire of her, and you need to find alternatives to make new friends. My personal beliefs would be to encourage church of some kind. If you both religious, active church goers? If so, I would encourage a chat with the pastor about this friend.
Also, I hate to pull this card, but a talk with her parents about it might also be an option. Seek their council, and they may do the dirty work for you, or at least provide insight on what they motivation is/how to handle it.
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but it sounds like your wife's friend is a lot like a lot of guy friends I've had throughout my life (cheating on their wives or girlfriends, drinking heavily, etc) If I ever asked my wife if she'd be ok with me going to Vegas with some of these guys, she'd have trusted me to make the right choices in spite of everything else.
I realize that the issue isn't you trusting your wife and I also know that it's only natural to feel the need to be the protector at all times, but the situation isn't THAT much different than what a lot of women go through on a daily basis unfortunately.
Your wife may just like the release of being around someone uninhibited. Her asking you is a formality. She likely knows what she's gonna do already. Express concern about the MAIN issue (her friend bringing her along on some debaucherous manhunt) and ask her what she'll do if her friend tries to bring guys home with them from a bar. Given her friend's past, I'd say that's a fair question without putting your trust in your wife in question.
Also, hide a little note in her suitcase before she leaves. Something personal that means something to her. It'll serve notice that she's on your mind even while she's away and hopefully vice versa.
I realize that the issue isn't you trusting your wife and I also know that it's only natural to feel the need to be the protector at all times, but the situation isn't THAT much different than what a lot of women go through on a daily basis unfortunately.
Your wife may just like the release of being around someone uninhibited. Her asking you is a formality. She likely knows what she's gonna do already. Express concern about the MAIN issue (her friend bringing her along on some debaucherous manhunt) and ask her what she'll do if her friend tries to bring guys home with them from a bar. Given her friend's past, I'd say that's a fair question without putting your trust in your wife in question.
Also, hide a little note in her suitcase before she leaves. Something personal that means something to her. It'll serve notice that she's on your mind even while she's away and hopefully vice versa.
All of this. My wife and I talk when one of us is making plans and I let her know that I don't think something is a good idea but in the end she has to make her own decision. It looks like this trip could turn out bad or at least no fun and I wouldn't think she would want to spend her time and money that way.
Also she needs a new friend(s). Any decent couples from work, church or community activities that the two of you could get to know better.
I don't know that anyone is saying that Mtown should "put his foot down" and forbid her from going. I just think that some are being more vocal on discussing the bad idea part of it, and some are being more vocal on the 'ultimately it's her call' side.
I agree with the others about needing to work hard on finding your wife some new friends.
I would just talk to my wife about it if it's not something I don't like. A marriage should be strong enough that if something bothers one spouse enough, the other won't do it. If I was going to do something, and my wife didn't like the idea and had a good reason why, I wouldn't go and same the other way around. Both husband and wife have to be completely 100% bought in to putting their marriage first, especially ahead of some trip with a person with poor morals and a drug addict.
I would just talk to my wife about it if it's not something I don't like. A marriage should be strong enough that if something bothers one spouse enough, the other won't do it. If I was going to do something, and my wife didn't like the idea and had a good reason why, I wouldn't go and same the other way around. Both husband and wife have to be completely 100% bought in to putting their marriage first, especially ahead of some trip with a person with poor morals and a drug addict.
Same here. Read her his first post to see what her opinion on the situation was. All she said was "I would never hang out with anyow like that". Was not where I was going with that but okay...
Dude, if your wife is going to **** around, she's going to **** around. Trust her or get a divorce.
In the meantime, your wife is out of town!!!!
In the meantime, your wife is out of town!!!!
I'm glad you trust your wife the way you do. I know if it were me, I'd be going crazy if my wife was coming home at all hours of the morning after being out with friends and ignoring my texts. Unless of course you two are in your early 20's, when most young adults still go out with their friends quite a bit. Even then, and maybe I'm just old-fashioned, married women who hang out in bars until 1, 2, 3, or 4 in the morning without their husbands should probably be watched a little more closely.
And now she wants to go on a girls trip to see a drug addict who aborted another man's baby and encourages infidelity? Good luck, buddy.
And now she wants to go on a girls trip to see a drug addict who aborted another man's baby and encourages infidelity? Good luck, buddy.
My wife and I have both distanced ourselves from friends (even close friends) who didn't share the same values that we do. That just seemed to make sense to us and our marriage is much better for it. The consistency and values we teach our kids also were a huge consideration.
I think you just tell your wife the way you feel and ask her not to go because the way you feel. If she truly loves you, she will respect your opinion and stay home. Offer to take her on a trip to offset it.....maybe a cyclone sweet 16 game????
In this day in age, if you don't feel comfortable you probably have a reason, and you should let her know how you feel and the stress it's putting on your marriage and she should decide what's more important, hanging with a bad person or your family.
In this day in age, if you don't feel comfortable you probably have a reason, and you should let her know how you feel and the stress it's putting on your marriage and she should decide what's more important, hanging with a bad person or your family.
I'd just say beat your side to the punch and **** a stripper before she has the chance to **** a bro in Tennessee.
To me it wouldn't be about trust, it would be about making good decisions. Staying with a drug user and a loose cannon just stinks of disaster. I would question your wife why putting herself in that position is so important to her.
I sympathize to a degree. My wife is from Cincinnatti and all her close friends live in other states so lack of friends can suck. But the second someone she hangs out with starts goin off the rails, you gotta cut them loose. Can't let them drag you down with them when you are planning a family.
I sympathize to a degree. My wife is from Cincinnatti and all her close friends live in other states so lack of friends can suck. But the second someone she hangs out with starts goin off the rails, you gotta cut them loose. Can't let them drag you down with them when you are planning a family.
Sometimes people aren't nearly as bad as they are made out (nashville), and somethimes people are smarter and have more character then you think (your wife).
If you think her friend will talk your wife into cheating, you DON'T trust your wife and you start off on shaky ground in the relationship from the get-go. And the abortion - while morally wrong for my atheist brain - is a personal decision made based on information you may not be able to fully understand.
People mature at different ages and for ME, I found my friends that were stuck in those old ways fell by the wayside as I was living forward while they were stuck in past ruts.
Trust your wife. Trust her to understand the situation. Trust her to make decisions in the best interests of you as a couple.
And oh yeah - the 3some thing someone else mentioned.
