Kindergarten Bullying

[AgronAlum]

I can’t believe I have to ask this but I’m at a loss. Some of you may remember my oldest (12) being threatened to be stabbed last year and nothing happening about it.

Well now my middle one is in KG and has been dealing with bullies since the first week. We found out last week when he came home with a full lunch and said he couldn’t eat. He said he was too upset about two other kids in his class punching him in the head during lunch. The lunch monitors did nothing. They do it in class and his teacher told him “tell them to stop”. He won’t bring his water bottle anymore because the kids made fun of him. A kid at recess told him he couldn’t play basketball or he’d “kick him in the nuts”.

I know kids were never immune to bullying but it seems the school system can’t do anything about it anymore. He’s a really gentle kid most of the time but he’s absolutely big and strong enough at his age that he could really hurt someone retaliating.

Where is the line between sticking up for himself and walking away? What can we pressure the school to do if this keeps happening? I don’t know what to tell him.

 

[CycloneWanderer]

Bullying in kindergarten? That's worrying for multiple reasons. The school needs to be putting effort into figuring out how to help the kids doing the bullying as well as your kid.

 

[NorthCyd]

I don't have any advice, just sorry you have to deal with that. I've been fortunate none of my kids have had to deal much with bullying. A little, but nothing to the extent your kids have gone through.

 

[AgronAlum]

Bullying in kindergarten? That's worrying for multiple reasons. The school needs to be putting effort into figuring out how to help the kids doing the bullying as well as your kid.

Yes, bullying in KG. It’s my current wife’s first (and favorite but don’t tell her that lol) and she’s been worried about this happening for years because of his demeanor and the state of the Ankeny school district. It took a week and a half for it to start.

I just don’t want him to lose his confidence because he lacks it to begin with. I also don’t want him to start retaliating because he’s bigger and stronger than most at this point. Bullies need put in their place eventually but IMO KG is too early for a kid to be the one to do it.

 

[cysmiley]

I'd try to make an appointment with the principal and relay to him/her what your child is telling you when they get home; without telling your son, as he might relay that info to the bullies, making things worse.

 

[pourcyne]

• Document by date (as best you can) every incident in writing as your child described it.

Then...

• Contact the teacher (the one who just told your child to tell the bullies "to stop it"). Show him/her the incidents. Document what is said at this meeting.

If this leads to no resolution or if the lunchroom & playground bullying continues:

• Contact the principal regarding the aides who are doing nothing. Document the meeting.

If this leads to no resolution:

• Contact a school board member about all of it. Go to a school board meeting and state the problem in public. Name names as to what action has not been taken by the district to protect your child.

Most importantly:

• Thank your child for telling you, tell him that it took courage for him to tell you, and that he himself has done nothing wrong.

And good on you for giving a damn and trying to help your kid. That is the most important part of it all. Odds are that the school bullies have a pretty sad home life.

 

[NWICY]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but if the teachers won't stop it and he is big enough to do it, let him bullies quit once they are stood up to (usually). He doesn't need to pound them into the ground but a good shoulder check into a wall or locker won't hurt anything.
I was mildly bullied in HS but it quit the day I threw the kid's book on the floor in chemistry class and snapped his pencil in half. Teacher was in the room and let it slide.

I hope this stops soon so your son can have a great school yr. Good luck resolving it.

 

[NWICY]

• Document by date (as best you can) every incident in writing as your child described it.

Then...

• Contact the teacher (the one who just told your child to tell the bullies "to stop it"). Show him/her the incidents. Document what is said at this meeting.

If this leads to no resolution or if the lunchroom & playground bullying continues:

• Contact the principal regarding the aides who are doing nothing. Document the meeting.

If this leads to no resolution:

• Contact a school board member about all of it. Go to a school board meeting and state the problem in public. Name names as to what action has not been taken by the district to protect your child.

Most importantly:

• Thank your child for telling you, tell him that it took courage for him to tell you, and that he himself has done nothing wrong.

And good on you for giving a damn and trying to help your kid. That is the most important part of it all. Odds are that the school bullies have a pretty sad home life.

I like and agree with everything you wrote except the last sentence my bully was just a mid tier jock who had to have someone to show up. Hell I'm pretty sure his family had a easier life than mine.

 

[jsb]

I can’t believe I have to ask this but I’m at a loss. Some of you may remember my oldest (12) being threatened to be stabbed last year and nothing happening about it.

Well now my middle one is in KG and has been dealing with bullies since the first week. We found out last week when he came home with a full lunch and said he couldn’t eat. He said he was too upset about two other kids in his class punching him in the head during lunch. The lunch monitors did nothing. They do it in class and his teacher told him “tell them to stop”. He won’t bring his water bottle anymore because the kids made fun of him. A kid at recess told him he couldn’t play basketball or he’d “kick him in the nuts”.

I know kids were never immune to bullying but it seems the school system can’t do anything about it anymore. He’s a really gentle kid most of the time but he’s absolutely big and strong enough at his age that he could really hurt someone retaliating.

Where is the line between sticking up for himself and walking away? What can we pressure the school to do if this keeps happening? I don’t know what to tell him.

Kindergarteners like to tell stories. And they like to overstate what happens. I wouldn’t put it past a kid to bully your son. But I think even the most incompetent kindergarten teacher would put a stop to it.

Talk to the teacher. See if she knows what’s happening. See if you can observe the class. Talk to the principal and have the lunch monitor watch your kid closely.

Certainly don’t tell your kid to fight back.

I’m m not saying this isn’t happening to your kid. But the truth might not be exactly what he says. Especially if he knows he can get his parents worked up about it.

 

[jsb]

Kindergarteners like to tell stories. And they like to overstate what happens. I wouldn’t put it past a kid to bully your son. But I think even the most incompetent kindergarten teacher would put a stop to it.

Talk to the teacher. See if she knows what’s happening. See if you can observe the class. Talk to the principal and have the lunch monitor watch your kid closely.

Certainly don’t tell your kid to fight back.

I’m m not saying this isn’t happening to your kid. But the truth might not be exactly what he says. Especially if he knows he can get his parents worked up about it.

Also does he still like going to school?

 

[IcSyU]

You can't encourage to kid to start it...

But you don't have to be upset if they finish it.

 

[pourcyne]

I like and agree with everything you wrote except the last sentence my bully was just a mid tier jock who had to have someone to show up. Hell I'm pretty sure his family had a easier life than mine.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life, I know, but I don't think you can both pity and fear someone. Even so, pity doesn't mean you have to take their crap.

 

[SCNCY]

If the school just keeps ignoring you, you need to get their attention, you need to find a lawyer. I know it's easier said then done, but it sounds like you really need a lawyer who will add weight to your concerns to get the schools attention.

 

[KnappShack]

I have one this age.

Our teacher seems to have decent control of the class, but he's told us that he's been pushed a few times. He's still happy to go to school. So I'm not overly worried about it yet.

The other teacher has no control of the room. If he was in there I'd be in conversation with the principal. The school did the teachers no favor by having large classes this year. But they have to manage the class.

I'm from a different generation. My advice to the boy was to punch the next kid who does this. Right in the throat. Mom doesn't like that advice, but I'm 100% cool with retaliation.

We're starting martial arts classes after teeball season. It's a ******* jungle. Any boy seen as weak will have a rough time.

- Signed 70s river town dad

 

[CyDegen]

Got to have your kid stand up for himself next time it happens. Bullies always want to pick on the perceived weaker kids. You have to break him out of that stereotype and it doesn't take much esp in Kindergarten.

 

[3TrueFans]

I can’t believe I have to ask this but I’m at a loss. Some of you may remember my oldest (12) being threatened to be stabbed last year and nothing happening about it.

Well now my middle one is in KG and has been dealing with bullies since the first week. We found out last week when he came home with a full lunch and said he couldn’t eat. He said he was too upset about two other kids in his class punching him in the head during lunch. The lunch monitors did nothing. They do it in class and his teacher told him “tell them to stop”. He won’t bring his water bottle anymore because the kids made fun of him. A kid at recess told him he couldn’t play basketball or he’d “kick him in the nuts”.

I know kids were never immune to bullying but it seems the school system can’t do anything about it anymore. He’s a really gentle kid most of the time but he’s absolutely big and strong enough at his age that he could really hurt someone retaliating.

Where is the line between sticking up for himself and walking away? What can we pressure the school to do if this keeps happening? I don’t know what to tell him.

Have you talked to his teacher yet? That seems like the first place to start. If you don't get satisfaction from the teacher move onto the principal.

 

[Pitt_Clone]

Kindergarteners like to tell stories. And they like to overstate what happens. I wouldn’t put it past a kid to bully your son. But I think even the most incompetent kindergarten teacher would put a stop to it.

Talk to the teacher. See if she knows what’s happening. See if you can observe the class. Talk to the principal and have the lunch monitor watch your kid closely.

Certainly don’t tell your kid to fight back.

I’m m not saying this isn’t happening to your kid. But the truth might not be exactly what he says. Especially if he knows he can get his parents worked up about it.

This has been the best answer so far. My kid was in kindergarten last year and we had some issues with bullying, and the best course of action was to get the school's side of what is going on first to see if what they're seeing matches what the kid is saying. Things were happening but it wasn't as severe as he described and the teacher's responses didn't always match his version of events.

My kid wasn't intentionally trying to mislead us, but kids that age don't always see all the context surrounding events, and in addition to that he has issues with anxiety which leads him to not always interpret what other people are doing correctly when he's dysregulated.

So @AgronAlum, if you haven't already I would recommend meeting with the school to get their version of events and force them lay out their policy as far as how teachers are supposed to respond when a kid physically hits another kid. If they truly say that the teachers are supposed to "do nothing" like what you describe with the lunch monitors then there's a real problem with the administration at that school. I kind of doubt that's the case, but make them lay out what they have their teachers do in that situation. And if teachers aren't responding that way ask them why. I can't stress enough, get documentation of what their official policies are so you can point to them if there is difficulty getting things resolved down the line.

The last thing I'll say is that kindergarten is way too young to tell him to punch back to prove he's not the weak one like it's a freaking prison yard. Adults need to be involved when there are physical altercations at that age. Honestly, telling him to "ask them to stop" is a reasonable first step, but it needs to be followed up with telling him that if they don't stop he needs to let a teacher know so adults can get involved. Good luck with all of this. I know it's not easy, but hopefully the school has a supportive administration that will work with you on this.

 

[jsb]

This has been the best answer so far. My kid was in kindergarten last year and we had some issues with bullying, and the best course of action was to get the school's side of what is going on first to see if what they're seeing matches what the kid is saying. Things were happening but it wasn't as severe as he described and the teacher's responses didn't always match his version of events.

My kid wasn't intentionally trying to mislead us, but kids that age don't always see all the context surrounding events, and in addition to that he has issues with anxiety which leads him to not always interpret what other people are doing correctly when he's dysregulated.

So @AgronAlum, if you haven't already I would recommend meeting with the school to get their version of events and force them lay out their policy as far as how teachers are supposed to respond when a kid physically hits another kid. If they truly say that the teachers are supposed to "do nothing" like what you describe with the lunch monitors then there's a real problem with the administration at that school. I kind of doubt that's the case, but make them lay out what they have their teachers do in that situation. And if teachers aren't responding that way ask them why. I can't stress enough, get documentation of what their official policies are so you can point to them if there is difficulty getting things resolved down the line.

The last thing I'll say is that kindergarten is way too young to tell him to punch back to prove he's not the weak one like it's a freaking prison yard. Adults need to be involved when there are physical altercations at that age. Honestly, telling him to "ask them to stop" is a reasonable first step, but it needs to be followed up with telling him that if they don't stop he needs to let a teacher know so adults can get involved. Good luck with all of this. I know it's not easy, but hopefully the school has a supportive administration that will work with you on this.

My kindergarten nephew said he was punched in the face 10 times. When asked if his glasses were broke, he said the kid that punched him took off his glasses before doing it. That was perhaps the cutest story I’ve ever heard.

People should tell their kids to tell the teacher when someone bullies them. Frankly, I’d find it a little weird if a kid being punched at age 5 didn’t cry. If you think you kid is actually being bullied talk to the teacher.

The most important thing is to see if your kid still wants to go to school. If he’s sad about school or doesn’t like it, that deserves investigation (especially if they did before).

 

[NWICY]

My kindergarten nephew said he was punched in the face 10 times. When asked if his glasses were broke, he said the kid that punched him took off his glasses before doing it. That was perhaps the cutest story I’ve ever heard.

People should tell their kids to tell the teacher when someone bullies them. Frankly, I’d find it a little weird if a kid being punched at age 5 didn’t cry. If you think you kid is actually being bullied talk to the teacher.

The most important thing is to see if your kid still wants to go to school. If he’s sad about school or doesn’t like it, that deserves investigation (especially if they did before).

My youngest niece created a story about getting a black eye not from being punched but a accident some how (about 3rd grade) she then used her older sister's and mom's make up to make it look real. The real hell to pay was when her parents figured out she was faking it for attention. LOL.

 

[Saul_T]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but if the teachers won't stop it and he is big enough to do it, let him bullies quit once they are stood up to (usually). He doesn't need to pound them into the ground but a good shoulder check into a wall or locker won't hurt anything.
I was mildly bullied in HS but it quit the day I threw the kid's book on the floor in chemistry class and snapped his pencil in half. Teacher was in the room and let it slide.

I hope this stops soon so your son can have a great school yr. Good luck resolving it.

I don't mind this answer, but I would make sure there's documentation on the parent and teacher side before I went down this route. Just like in sports, the second swing is the one who gets caught.

In high school I was pretty good at track. Upperclassmen didn't like that. One thrower who thought he was super tough liked to pick on me and push me around. I had just qualified for Drake as a Junior and he had never placed in any sort of event. He smacked my head as he was going to sit down at lunch, me being quicker, stood up and flipped his tray before pushing him down since he was off balance already. Got my only discipline visit to the principals office and was never touched again.