Why is life worth living?

KnappShack

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May 26, 2008
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I don’t mind Twitter that much actually. Find it’s easier to “curate” and I get the news/sports/etc content I want. Far less narcissistic “look at me!” posts than FB or Insta.

I just need to bite the bullet on Facebook. It’s not so much a mental health thing, more that it’s become far more useless to me. Rarely post and haven’t updated **** in years

Twitter tends to drop in content I absolutely do not want to see. I don't find it fascinating that a child was murdered or need videos of political stuff that is highly agenda driven.

Going in I know Twitter is the worst of humanity. The absolute scum of the world is on that platform. I try to keep that stuff at arm's length, but I know going in the platform will rarely be uplifting
 

State2015

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Been a long time since I've discussed this but thought I'd share a little update. The last few months have been miserable. Absolutely miserable. Tried making things work with my (soon to be) ex wife but it went nowhere. Went to couples therapy which was an absolute joke overall. We rarely talked about us, rather would only talk about how she felt in the moment. Lots of blame thrown my way and we never once even brought up the affair. I would've tried getting out sooner but every time there would be a bad day, it'd follow up with a good day in which she'd reel me right back in with "normalcy", flirting, kissing, I love you's, etc. The final straw was us having two solid weeks in a row where I thought things were making a turn and she ended up telling my therapist "I feel as if my life wouldn't change if he wasn't in it", to which I finally gave up. That killed me.

I asked for a divorce shortly after that and we're now in that process. House has been sold and I'm uprooting my life and starting over in a different spot. I move in shortly and am excited for this next chapter. Even though I'm excited I'm still deeply sad about losing "my person", although your "person" can't be someone that does something like that, right? Either way, I guess it's time to move on.

The one thing I have been extremely thankful for over the course of this miserable quarter of a year has been Iowa State and this website (outside of my friends and family). Iowa State will always be my home and engulfing all forms of content here and interacting with all you hooligans always is a bright spot for my days, even when they may be dark. And if there's one thing that being a Cyclone fan has taught me is heartbreak. Thank you all and even though I don't personally know any of you, I love you all.
Haven't read thru most of these replies but I'm sure this has been said. Feel awful for you and no one deserves this type of thing. This woman was not your "person" if she's been going around you WITH A CLOSE FRIEND and also gaslighting you and making you feel like you're the bad person in this situation. I can guarantee things will be better for you without this scumbag (in my opinion) in your life. Wishing you the best!
 
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Jer

CF Founder, Creator
Feb 28, 2006
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With the way that kid was conceived its no wonder he's a handful.

You know, you were there....
Typically when talking about those things, a "handful" would imply that you weren't with your wife and therefore not getting her pregnant... :)
 
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FriendlySpartan

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Jul 26, 2021
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As many know the last few days have been very trying on me with want I went through Sunday. I've informed my brothers at OTN that I'm going to a temporary hiatus from doing OTN. I'm still going to do my game threads, but after basketball season I maybe on less than usual. Just really struggling right now.

Even with new locks and secure doors when I was at work today all I could focus on was if the house is okay. My mom and I have isu wbb season tickets and tonight is a big one with KSU. But I think I will pass because I won't be able to focus I'll just be worrying if the house is safe.
As someone who had their house broken into in college (while I was there) I just wanted to say that there is no right or wrong way to process or move forward with what you experienced. You’re gonna get a lot of advice from people about what helped them get past similar experiences and you might try some of it but find it didn’t help. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you are in any way lesser than for it not working you are just processing things differently then they did.

It’s been a over a decade since it happened to me and I still check locks on the doors multiple times before I go to bed or sometimes freak out if I hear a strange noise when I’m by myself. It gets easier and you learn strategies that work for you but it takes time.

Always here to chat as plenty of others have offered and it does get better even if it might not feel like it right now.
 

AgronAlum

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Jul 12, 2014
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I've been super burned out lately. All I do is work and there's not enough to get anywhere after bills. I need a vacation really bad but I can't afford one let alone the time off. Sometimes I wonder how long I can do this? Not in a suicidal way just in a give a **** way.

Right there with ya. We were doing just fine 3-4 years ago, so we decided to have number 3. The combo of dog **** raises, increased work load and the increased cost of everything, it’s a ******* drain. It was 100 bucks for us to eat at the friggin Olive Garden last weekend with 0 booze. It was a good reminder of why we never eat out anymore.

We are starting to plan our first real family vacation this year and it keeps getting shorter and closer to home because of the cost. A bunch of the cost is being supplemented with plasma donation just so we can take the kids somewhere at least once.
 
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t-noah

Well-Known Member
Feb 2, 2007
19,780
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As many know the last few days have been very trying on me with want I went through Sunday. I've informed my brothers at OTN that I'm going to a temporary hiatus from doing OTN. I'm still going to do my game threads, but after basketball season I maybe on less than usual. Just really struggling right now.

Even with new locks and secure doors when I was at work today all I could focus on was if the house is okay. My mom and I have isu wbb season tickets and tonight is a big one with KSU. But I think I will pass because I won't be able to focus I'll just be worrying if the house is safe.
We are always here for you. As I told you before, Cyclones are like family.

Don't let this women, and the wrong thing she did, control your life though. You've done what you can for your mom and your mom's house. Now time to go back to being you, and your mom too, and to not worrying too much about it. Let the police do their thing. The event will fade. And the woman will get caught in her own web soon enough.

With that said, seek some counseling help if needed. They are professionals who give very good opinions and advice, sometimes at just the right time.
 

t-noah

Well-Known Member
Feb 2, 2007
19,780
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Been a long time since I've discussed this but thought I'd share a little update. The last few months have been miserable. Absolutely miserable. Tried making things work with my (soon to be) ex wife but it went nowhere. Went to couples therapy which was an absolute joke overall. We rarely talked about us, rather would only talk about how she felt in the moment. Lots of blame thrown my way and we never once even brought up the affair. I would've tried getting out sooner but every time there would be a bad day, it'd follow up with a good day in which she'd reel me right back in with "normalcy", flirting, kissing, I love you's, etc. The final straw was us having two solid weeks in a row where I thought things were making a turn and she ended up telling my therapist "I feel as if my life wouldn't change if he wasn't in it", to which I finally gave up. That killed me.

I asked for a divorce shortly after that and we're now in that process. House has been sold and I'm uprooting my life and starting over in a different spot. I move in shortly and am excited for this next chapter. Even though I'm excited I'm still deeply sad about losing "my person", although your "person" can't be someone that does something like that, right? Either way, I guess it's time to move on.

The one thing I have been extremely thankful for over the course of this miserable quarter of a year has been Iowa State and this website (outside of my friends and family). Iowa State will always be my home and engulfing all forms of content here and interacting with all you hooligans always is a bright spot for my days, even when they may be dark. And if there's one thing that being a Cyclone fan has taught me is heartbreak. Thank you all and even though I don't personally know any of you, I love you all.
My heart goes out to you my Cyclone friend. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Hang in there. And we will always be here for support!
 
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Statefan10

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Haven't read thru most of these replies but I'm sure this has been said. Feel awful for you and no one deserves this type of thing. This woman was not your "person" if she's been going around you WITH A CLOSE FRIEND and also gaslighting you and making you feel like you're the bad person in this situation. I can guarantee things will be better for you without this scumbag (in my opinion) in your life. Wishing you the best!
I'm absolutely sure that I'll be better after this in the long run. I've been battling demons for a while now and never really talked about them before. Self doubt, self image, self love, etc. And to be honest, that probably did put a lot of pressure on my past partner, but man, her doing what she did reallllly messed me up. If there's a lesson out of this for me is that you can't put all of your happiness into one person, because when that person leaves, there's nothing left.

These last few months of being "alone" has taught me that I'm not actually alone. I thought her leaving me meant that I wouldn't have anyone anymore but I've actually connected with more friends and family than I have in a long long time. I'm booking trips to see friends that I neglected due to the relationship and re-kindling those sorts of flames. I've met more new people and created new friendships that never would've happened had this situation not, and those new friends really like me, which is so awesome.

I've also learned and am going to continue learning what it truly means to love yourself. It's going to be a long battle but I'm ready for it.
 

TitanClone

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Dec 21, 2008
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As someone who had their house broken into in college (while I was there) I just wanted to say that there is no right or wrong way to process or move forward with what you experienced. You’re gonna get a lot of advice from people about what helped them get past similar experiences and you might try some of it but find it didn’t help. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you are in any way lesser than for it not working you are just processing things differently then they did.

It’s been a over a decade since it happened to me and I still check locks on the doors multiple times before I go to bed or sometimes freak out if I hear a strange noise when I’m by myself. It gets easier and you learn strategies that work for you but it takes time.

Always here to chat as plenty of others have offered and it does get better even if it might not feel like it right now.
We never locked the doors at the house I lived in during my time at Iowa State besides when everyone was home for the night. That changed after a minor scuffle occurred at a party we hosted and the douchebags came back in the middle of the night and slashed some of our window screens and broke a couple taillights. Closest I or any my friends ever came into getting into a fist fight was a few weeks later when we saw 2 of them and they played dumb until they finally admitted it and gave me some money for the damage.
 

Jer

CF Founder, Creator
Feb 28, 2006
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Take the time to read this article, it's one of the most depressing examples of the thing nobody wants to talk about.

Heartbreaking and no different from what I, and others that I know, have gone through. My attempt a year ago was after desperately looking 2 months for options that I was "eligible" for. I understand insurance, I've spent my entire career in building IT solutions for insurance companies. I understand the reasons for the desperate shortage of providers, to minimal insurance benefits, to why providers would or wouldn't want to be in an insurance network. What I needed wasn't normal therapy - that's been tried for 25 years, along with dozens of meds, constant medicine trials, physical approaches - but it falls under mental healthcare providers. But people can't find any help anywhere.

Not a single network on a single plan in a single state has more than the bare minimum coverages, if that, for mental health care. And what little coverage is provided has on average the fewest number of network practitioners per square mile than any other licensed profession. The shortage and huge demand diminish enticements to be in insurance networks that limit their fees. Pay is low and everybody knows it's an overwhelming industry. It's like wanting to be a teacher.

In the Des Moines metro area, you can find dozens of therapists and clinics... but most don't take any insurance because the demand is so much greater than the supply of doctors so they don't need the referral traffic (same thing happens in Dental). Out of the 75-ish providers I called looking for any that were in network, roughly 5 worked with my medical carrier (1 of top 2 in state), and none were in the specific network. Several laughed at me. Even trying out of pocket, most places have waiting lists of new patients well over 1-2 years long.

I'm not even going to start on my rant about the state of healthcare services and options for youth. My apples (kids) not only didn't fall far from the tree (me), they inherited all of my issues. Trying desperately to get them help is the worst experience you can go through that doesn't involve violence or death. We only skipped the 1-3 year waiting lists by knowing an amazing provider that happened to recognize my name from CF. That's maddening.

We need to reset priorities in this country from giving a **** about bathrooms, bedrooms, books, guns, and other things when one of the most important epidemics ever is taking place right in front of our eyes.

 
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CycloneRulzzz

Gameday Guru
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Jul 13, 2008
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
 

RagingCloner

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Dec 2, 2022
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
Rulzzz, sorry that you are dealing with this. Hoping it gets better for you. We all appreciate everything you do for CF, and for us
 

JP4CY

Lord, beer me strength.
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
You are loved.
 

Gonzo

Well-Known Member
Mar 10, 2009
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Behind you
Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
Sorry to hear.
 

CYEATHAWK

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2007
7,439
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.


Not trying to diminish anything...............but had many a tough time in my life and it seemed I would always see a commercial for those kids at shiner's or the Cancer Center. Always seemed well timed. And no matter where I was in life it made me realize......I don't have problems. I just don't.

Head up. No need to even think about being depressed if at the minimum your life is just making people on CF have some fun every game day. Very few can do that. I'm sure however it's more, and for every door that closes.......a new one opens. Keep rolling and don't let your shadow get the best of you.
 
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Des Moines Clone

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Jul 24, 2021
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
Hang in there. Going through stuff like this really sucks, but there are people in this world who care about you. You will be able to find another job, and once you work through that you'll come out on the other side ok.

I've been through a couple short term depression situations (2-3 months), so I feel you. Try not to get too down on yourself, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep grinding forward. Much easier said than done sometimes, I realize, but you'll come through things ok.
 

CyCrazy

Well-Known Member
Dec 17, 2008
27,073
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Ames
Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'e.

Its life and I am not diminishing your thoughts, stay positive brother. My year has sucked as well. Broke all my ribs on my left side, had emergency appendectomy, got laid off from a job, and other struggles. Its been a *****. You can message me or we can meet up to release emotion. But in the end it will all work out. I promise you.
 

simply1

Rec Center HOF
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Jun 10, 2009
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Decided to bring discussion I brought in gameday thread here so that thread can focus on the game.

For who haven't seen on here I found out on Thursday the restaurant I've worked at for the entire 19 year run is closing end of the month and I'll be out of a job. Oh and my birthday is the 27th to boot.

I so appreciate all the kinds words on here. This is a great community but in times like this it's truly special.

From coming home to a break in at my house to this news 2024 from a personal aspect has been one to forget.

Combine this with my history of depression and it's a recipe for disaster.

If it wasn't for this community I'm not sure where I'd be.
Hang in there, a lot of people on here for you to reach out to. Many you don’t probably know that well even, but do care.