Friday OT - Am I the A-Hole?

AllInForISU

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As long as it doesn’t affect me, I would let it go. The second I would have to find someone to get their packages to them (on vacation or whatever) I’m out. They can figure out those logistics.
 

kirk89gt

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you could add on the "gift card" something along the lines of "Congratulations on being added to the UPS/FedEx/Amazon delivery route". Sign it UPS/FedEx/Amazon Logistics team.
100% genius

Now you just need to hope that they wouldn’t think it was junk mail.
 
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BoxsterCy

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My in-laws grew up in and around Town A. My wife was raised either in town or just on the outskirts. My MIL worked right in town her entire career.

When my wife was in college, they moved to an acreage about 10 miles out of town, where they still live. This acreage’s 911 address is in Town B, where they didn’t work.

After making the move, my MIL kept a PO Box in Town A, and had everything shipped there. Now that she’s retired, she doesn’t go to town everyday so it’s less convenient to have the PO box. My MIL is convinced because her physical address is in Town B, but the PO Box is in Town, if she puts her address down for delivery, things won’t get delivered to her actual address.

My wife and I live 45 miles away, but my wife works in Town A. My in-laws now have all of their parcel packages delivered to OUR house. My wife throws them in her car, and my MIL drives into Town A to get them from my wife’s car.

I personally think this is absolutely certifiably insane. Once when we were on vacation in the winter, one of their packages was delivered to our house with freezable contents. I had to call a buddy to come by and drag it into our garage. On a Saturday. It just creates another layer of things for my wife to take care of that she doesn’t need. To me, this is pointless and crazy.

There’s no god damn way that the various delivery services won’t go to their house. They live directly on a large Federal Highway (US 63).

I want to order a package and have it delivered to their home, just to demonstrate that it’s possible. My wife got pissed and said I was only doing it to a prove a point and shame her parents for their irrational behavior (she acknowledges to me that this is insane). At this point I just really want to know if there IS some crazy reason that packages don’t get delivered there. There’s a slight chance my MIL is right, and I legitimately don’t want to judge her behavior as neurotic if it isn’t.

I’ve decided to order them a gift online and have it shipped. I’ll do it so they’re the recipient, and it’s anonymous. When they get it, I guarantee they will say something to my wife about the anonymous gift they got out of the blue. Since my name won’t be attached, they won’t know it’s me, and won’t assume I’m trying to make fun of them. I will know whether this whole crazy thing is legitimate. Theoretically everyone should win. But my wife will know it’s me, and she’ll be pissed off as all hell.

Am I an ******* for wanting to get to the bottom of this once and for all?

Yup. You're crazy because it is not worth getting your wife pissed over this. It's her problem to solve and seems mostly her inconvenience. You are, of course, correct in that almost everyone will deliver to their home address.

And you are also crazy being up and posting at 5ish in the AM. ;)

Have you thought about asking them if it would be okay to ship something to their address, say a cheap item, to see if it could be done? Maybe pose it as a way to show maybe they are right rather than a means to should you are right? "Hey, maybe you guys are right. Can I ship something to you to see if maybe I really am wrong on this?"

It did give me a flashback to my childhood. Parents had mail delivered to home and also had a P.O. Box 38 in the local town for most of my dad's biz mail. It was a mixed bag as to what went to which, just depended on whatever address my dad gave to whoever. He had the box for years after he retired. The old key was almost worn smooth from 50 years or so of use and beginning on a big key chain.
 

HOTDON

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She does. She acknowledges privately that this is ridiculous, but doesn't want to create drama with her parents.
I get that. It's a risk vs reward decision. I do agree that inconveniencing your friend puts you firmly into a position where you're allowed to have an opinion. I'm sure they are good people who just have this weird thing they do or you would have led with that. They are entitled to settle into an arrangement as they see fit. I know my parents wouldn't ask me to do anything like that. I also wouldn't do that to my kids, and frankly, when I order stuff I want that **** NOW. I'm not waiting for someone else to pass it to me.

Fun little thought exercise for a Friday.
 

ImJustKCClone

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My in-laws grew up in and around Town A. My wife was raised either in town or just on the outskirts. My MIL worked right in town her entire career.

When my wife was in college, they moved to an acreage about 10 miles out of town, where they still live. This acreage’s 911 address is in Town B, where they didn’t work.

After making the move, my MIL kept a PO Box in Town A, and had everything shipped there. Now that she’s retired, she doesn’t go to town everyday so it’s less convenient to have the PO box. My MIL is convinced because her physical address is in Town B, but the PO Box is in Town, if she puts her address down for delivery, things won’t get delivered to her actual address.

My wife and I live 45 miles away, but my wife works in Town A. My in-laws now have all of their parcel packages delivered to OUR house. My wife throws them in her car, and my MIL drives into Town A to get them from my wife’s car.

I personally think this is absolutely certifiably insane. Once when we were on vacation in the winter, one of their packages was delivered to our house with freezable contents. I had to call a buddy to come by and drag it into our garage. On a Saturday. It just creates another layer of things for my wife to take care of that she doesn’t need. To me, this is pointless and crazy.

There’s no god damn way that the various delivery services won’t go to their house. They live directly on a large Federal Highway (US 63).

I want to order a package and have it delivered to their home, just to demonstrate that it’s possible. My wife got pissed and said I was only doing it to a prove a point and shame her parents for their irrational behavior (she acknowledges to me that this is insane). At this point I just really want to know if there IS some crazy reason that packages don’t get delivered there. There’s a slight chance my MIL is right, and I legitimately don’t want to judge her behavior as neurotic if it isn’t.

I’ve decided to order them a gift online and have it shipped. I’ll do it so they’re the recipient, and it’s anonymous. When they get it, I guarantee they will say something to my wife about the anonymous gift they got out of the blue. Since my name won’t be attached, they won’t know it’s me, and won’t assume I’m trying to make fun of them. I will know whether this whole crazy thing is legitimate. Theoretically everyone should win. But my wife will know it’s me, and she’ll be pissed off as all hell.

Am I an ******* for wanting to get to the bottom of this once and for all?
Once or twice is one thing (example - they are going to be out of town). Routinely making your wife deliver packages is a bit too much. As for the Saturday packages, I would tell them "I'll bring them to town on Monday.,,or you can drive over here if you need them sooner."

Being older is not an excuse for demanding unnecessary services, especially since she's not alone in the house.

I'm curious - iirc you are about the same age as my kids (43 to 50). How old is your MIL? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, but if she was considerably older when your wife was born, I might change my opinion.

Edit - I didn't read any other responses before posting this so my questions may have already been answered. And I'm going to add that if it doesn't bother your wife to do it, then let it go. But if something is delivered that can't sit outside if you're gone, it should be her making the arrangements to protect the package not you.
 
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Al_4_State

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I get that. It's a risk vs reward decision. I do agree that inconveniencing your friend puts you firmly into a position where you're allowed to have an opinion. I'm sure they are good people who just have this weird thing they do or you would have led with that. They are entitled to settle into an arrangement as they see fit. I know my parents wouldn't ask me to do anything like that. I also wouldn't do that to my kids, and frankly, when I order stuff I want that **** NOW. I'm not waiting for someone else to pass it to me.

Fun little thought exercise for a Friday.
Yes. I like them and they are absolutely good people. They just have a history of taking absurd stances on trivial things, and it's my nature to push back on that. I realize that's a fairly off-putting side of my nature, and this is a case where it really doesn't matter, so why make a scene?

But it still eats me alive.
 

DSMCy

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Yes. I like them and they are absolutely good people. They just have a history of taking absurd stances on trivial things, and it's my nature to push back on that. I realize that's a fairly off-putting side of my nature, and this is a case where it really doesn't matter, so why make a scene?

But it still eats me alive.
I like the idea of sending an anonymous gift.

You should track it and just happen to be visiting them when it's delivered.. haha
 

Al_4_State

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Once or twice is one thing (example - they are going to be out of town). Routinely making your wife deliver packages is a bit too much. As for the Saturday packages, I would tell them "I'll bring them to town on Monday.,,or you can drive over here if you need them sooner."

Being older is not an excuse for demanding unnecessary services, especially since she's not alone in the house.

I'm curious - iirc you are about the same age as my kids (43 to 50). How old is your MIL? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, but if she was considerably older when your wife was born, I might change my opinion.

Edit - I didn't read any other responses before posting this so my questions may have already been answered. And I'm going to add that if it doesn't bother your wife to do it, then let it go. But if something is delivered that can't sit outside if you're gone, it should be her making the arrangements to protect the package not you.
I guess I didn't make it clear - my wife does not deliver these to their home. My wife works in the town where she grew up, which is where my in-laws have their PO box. My wife only brings the packages on days where she's at work. My MIL then drives into town to get them out of my wife's car.

My wife isn't making special trips. It's just that these packages take up space in our home, and are one more thing for her to remember in the morning when she's loading up our 20 month old daughter to go to daycare. And I've had to enlist my friends to move the packages inside of our home during winter, when we were gone.
 
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CYdTracked

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Women. Can't live with 'em.... Pass the Beer nuts - NORM - quickmeme't live with 'em.... Pass the Beer nuts - NORM - quickmeme
 
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BirdOfWar

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If it comes from my wife, I think they'd be receptive. They have completely different standards for their children than they do for others. The problem is getting my wife to do it.
This is the frustration with my wife for some minor things as well with her parents. She just will not address them in any way and it drives me nuts.
 

ImJustKCClone

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Isn’t marriage great? Situation I am in right now (and somewhat ignoring to see what they say) I had ankle surgery a month ago and got a temporary handicap tag for the car. Now my MIL had a knee replaced the other day and texted me yesterday to see how I got it and if she could borrow it.

Obviously I would assume this is fairly illegal but as far as I can tell there is no identifable info so it would work. More of the principle to me, if you want it do what’s needed to get it legally.
Those should not be shared. They should also not be used if the spouse runs an errand without the person to whom the tag is assigned. People who have a legitimate need for those parking spaces should be the ones parking there.

If she has a legitimate need, it's fairly easy to obtain a temporary pass. I talked to my doc pre-surgery and my tag was ready from the git-go. Even now, post surgery, it should still be fairly easy for her to obtain a legitimate one.
 
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ImJustKCClone

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this would drive me insanse

old peoples inability to learn new things is outstanding.

if they took the time to stop bitchin' about it and actually learn it
, they'd save so much time.

i live in the country and UPS, FedEx, USPS, Amazon find my house just fine every day. lol
I'm going to jump in on this a bit. 30 years ago my sisters & I bought our retired father his first PC for Christmas. We (and our spouses) set it up for him, including splitting his phone line so that the computer would go in the room he chose and still have a modem. It was a HUGE struggle trying to teach him how to boot it up (fortunately we were past the stage of boot disks), how set up and open email and browsers and other things. Keep in mind that this man was literally a rocket scientist...an AE that worked at the Cape during the Apollo missions. I thought he was just being stubborn (he was 70, the same age I am now).

Now, I'm not so sure. I spent my career working with a computer on my desk...started with decwriters and graduated to keypunch, to PCs. Now, I find it tough to figure out new things. I'm very grateful for the help I received on this site when ISU switched to e-tickets (I printed them out at first), and finally to forced scanning. I'm really good with tickemaster now. But then I get hit with AXS, or with Eventbrite, and I'm back at square one.

Point is, it's not always refusing to learn. Sometimes my brain just doesn't wrap itself around things like it used to, and sometimes I forget from one game to the next how to work an app. Patience, padawan - at some point you may be lucky enough to get old too. :)
 

Bestaluckcy

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Maybe start with do you want to be the A-Hole? Life is short. Sounds like a triangle to me. Those things always have at least one sharp point and most times three different points. Guess whose side it will be on when it is left standing. Typically it ends two against one. So I will ask again, do you want to be the A-Hole?
 

cyfanatic13

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this would drive me insanse

old peoples inability to learn new things is outstanding.

if they took the time to stop bitchin' about it and actually learn it, they'd save so much time.

i live in the country and UPS, FedEx, USPS, Amazon find my house just fine every day. lol
My dad with ESPN+ fits this to a T. Instead of learning how to do it, he mostly just complains about not being able to watch. Luckily they’re moving very soon and I’m in charge of internet/TV for the new place. I’m switching them from DISH to YouTube TV and making sure they’ll have easy access to ESPN+. I’ll spend as long as it takes to teach them how to use all of it, and will print out instructions. But I’m still expecting a phone call the first time something doesn’t work perfectly
 
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CoachHines3

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I'm going to jump in on this a bit. 30 years ago my sisters & I bought our retired father his first PC for Christmas. We (and our spouses) set it up for him, including splitting his phone line so that the computer would go in the room he chose and still have a modem. It was a HUGE struggle trying to teach him how to boot it up (fortunately we were past the stage of boot disks), how set up and open email and browsers and other things. Keep in mind that this man was literally a rocket scientist...an AE that worked at the Cape during the Apollo missions. I thought he was just being stubborn (he was 70, the same age I am now).

Now, I'm not so sure. I spent my career working with a computer on my desk...started with decwriters and graduated to keypunch, to PCs. Now, I find it tough to figure out new things. I'm very grateful for the help I received on this site when ISU switched to e-tickets (I printed them out at first), and finally to forced scanning. I'm really good with tickemaster now. But then I get hit with AXS, or with Eventbrite, and I'm back at square one.

Point is, it's not always refusing to learn. Sometimes my brain just doesn't wrap itself around things like it used to, and sometimes I forget from one game to the next how to work an app. Patience, padawan - at some point you may be lucky enough to get old too. :)
im just jaded.

my boss at works absolutely refuses to adapt to technology and it drives me up the wall and makes my job 100x harder