Need Some Help

[stevefrench]

Hey guys, I am coming to you to ask for some help. I am sure that quite a few of you are married or at least dating, so I sure some of you have been through this before.

My girlfriend turns 30 next month and it is really bothering her. She is always upset about everything and never wants to talk about it with me. I have tried alot but it never works, and she still stays upset. Its nothing that she is upset with me over just a bunch of things piled on top of being 30 soon.

Any advice would help (I'm sure some of you guys have experienced this before) as I am about out of ideas and hate how she is always upset...

Thank you in advance.

 

[Trainer]

Well trainer, ill take your advice. She went home for a while to get away from it all. She insists its nothing the matter with me so I will take that from her and work with what I have. She has had a few things that have bothered her for a while and I have always been able to work with her to make her feel better about them. But the problem persists and now I am letting her go home and not holding her back. She wants to be around ones she loves and I want her to see that things are not that bad and to see that what she has is really good.

Ill just send her a text saying if you want to talk I will be here.

You have done what you can. If she does not want your help, then there is nothing you can do. Don't sit at home brewing, try to get your mind off of it. Don't send her a bunch of texts. The one will work. I wouldn't bring it up much, unless you can tell she is reaching out. Otherwise you have to let her decide what to do.

If she is the type of woman that expects you to read her mind, then we are dealing with a whole other issue, but from what you have said that is not the case.

 

[EYEoftheSTORM]

She does want that stuff (kids, house, ect) but we are in no position right now to do any of that financially and mentally. Im just going to let her have her space and and come to conclusions herself. I think that will be best for her, and if she wants to talk to me she can talk to me.

 

[CyBer]

Chocolate always works OP, ALWAYS.

 

[CyBer]

Get her a puppy, it should buy you a couple years.

This is what my brother did LOL.

 

[fatkid1974]

When you throw her party (no matter how much she says she don't want one, she does). Call it her 2nd annual 29th bday party, and carry the joke on year to year. Light humor has always helped me get through the times with my wife. Have signs made and everything, spare no cost.

 

[cloneluke80]

The solution lies with you friend, you just need to drink more. Upping the ante to hard liquor if you are a beer drinker should do the trick..

 

[CyBer]

When you throw her party (no matter how much she says she don't want one, she does). Call it her 2nd annual 29th bday party, and carry the joke on year to year. Light humor has always helped me get through the times with my wife. Have signs made and everything, spare no cost.

Unless she really doesn't want one and that pushes her over the edge.

 

[Chitowncy]

When you throw her party (no matter how much she says she don't want one, she does). Call it her 2nd annual 29th bday party, and carry the joke on year to year. Light humor has always helped me get through the times with my wife. Have signs made and everything, spare no cost.

That's funny. This kind of stuff works well with my wife too, and I did something fairly similar for a big event she was dreading.

Where I couldn't care less about my birthday, or getting anything for that matter, she loves birthdays, anniversarys, and other special moments! Women.

 

[cdekovic]

My advice - find a new girlfriend. Preferably one that doesn't stress over superficial ****.

Could always get back together with her after she turns 30. Kill two birds..no gift to buy too.

 

[cychhosis]

Try drawing a heart in her peanut butter.:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

[iowast8fan]

she a woman. they don't want you to fix everything.
you're a man. you always want to fix it.

Either stopping trying to fix things for her and just listen, or dump her and find someone who isn't such a whiney baby.

 

[cyowa]

Hey dude,
I, myself, am 30 and married. My wife also turns 30 this year. I also have a PhD in Psychology which is never a good thing when it comes to marriage! Anyhoo, take what I say with a huge grain of salt as I am a researcher and not a counselor.

Cumulative stress is a killer. It drains the body of resources and can dramatically impair your partner's mood, ability to process information, reaction time, sleep, and even immune functioning. If she is not wanting to talk to you, then definitely don't force her as this will add pressure or stress onto an already stressful time.

So...what can you do. Flat out tell her I'm here if you want to talk. Do "the little things" that show her you care and age doesn't matter. Hell...tell her she is as awesome as Iowa State! That one always works for me Anyhoo, patience is your friend right now. Guys, like you and me, want to fix things and women (well who the heck knows). Anyhoo, be patient, acknowledge to her that you know something is up and you will be there when she is ready. To affirm the unconditional love component is always the best option!

"Tell her she is as awesome AS Iowa State"...? I think I'd tell her she is even more awesome than ISU - and that's pretty darn awesome! Avoid anything that smacks as competition for her IN WINNING YOUR ATTENTION. I've played these games before.

 

[Rickybaby]

My EX went kind of bonkers every year on her birthday. About a week before, it started rearing its ugly head and I could recognize the signs. After the first few years we started going away on vacation the week of her birthday (to someplace warm). Seemed to work for awhile; problem was when she went bonkers on vacation it was usually some place like Playa del Carmen and she'd hit the Tequila when I wasn't looking. One year, she was acting kinda weird so to give her space I went snorkeling by myself from the dock at the resort. A few hours later I found her at the pool so drunk I had to practically carry her back to the room. (she was not normally a heavy drinker so that was very unusual)

Long story short is that women can be kinda funky sometimes and they are hard to figure out. Some are freaked out a birthday or holiday or some milestone and you just have to live with it. Valentines day and wedding anniversaries are a given; and sometimes its other stuff too. Doing something nice for her while this is going on would probably be a good start. And if you make thru the hard times hopefully your relationship will be all the stronger for it.