***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-15-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-11-27-2019.253132/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-04-2019.253299/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-11-2019.253483/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-08-2020.254206/

Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-15-2020
With special guest Angie!

Presented by Blimpie’s Subs. Because sometimes you want your business named after something famously known for crashing and burning.


@Sigmapolis asks: Why do you all hate cats so much?
I love my fluffy kitty buddies so much.
Angie: Cats are just sort of dicks. Which I can respect in people, but not something that I am actively spending my money keeping alive - I should get SOMETHING out of the deal.
Pants: It’s not that I hate cats, as I love all of God’s creatures (minus humans), it’s just more that they suck as pets.
GTO: I appreciate that cats are low maintenance, independent, and clean. Wouldn’t say I love them, but also don’t hate them. I guess I’m indifferent to them.

@jsb observed: I figured by this time I’d be a permanent member of the staff.
of course, I’ve always figured I’m a logical moderator on this board (can you imagine ME with the power to ban people?!?), so what the hell do I know.
Pants: Honestly, I still can’t understand how I’m not a mod. I bring so much to the website yet am never rewarded for it, even with an honorary modship.
GTO: jsb with the power to ban people would make the website a dictatorship. JSBFanatic.com, where the only members would be jsb and the followers of jsb. All hail our new queen!
Angie: I only carry so much weight as far as that goes. But I carry other weight these days. Approaching middle age is rough. What was the question again?

@Dingus asks: Wtf is this thread about?
GTO: Work Time Fun (WTF) is exactly what this thread is about. Good job figuring it out!
Angie: Don’t look at me. I’m just a guest. Or a-ghast, depending on the day.
Pants: What is “is?” A thing? A thought? A moment in time? An abstract concept? I think the greater question is “what is isn’t.”

@Doc looking for fashion advice: what are your thoughts on the Untuckit brand?
Angie: I think that it can look really nice - but can’t you just ultimately wear any shirt untucked? Like, why does it have to be a special brand?
Pants: Hipster company trying to get people to spend money on something they don’t need and that nobody cares about.
GTO: Shirts for the rich douche demographic? Shirts for people who are too stupid to figure out which shirts should be tucked in and which ones should not be? Their stupid commercials remind me of TC Tuggers:

@GTO asks: Seeing the thread where someone found some strange medical device in their house, what is the weirdest thing you have stored in your basement (or just in your house in general, if you don't have a basement)? (non-sex toy, non-illegal)
Pants: I move so often that it becomes hard to keep weird things, either intentionally or unintentionally. While I no longer have it, I was doing a deep clean on this last move and in a suitcase found a pair of an ex girlfriend’s underwear from someone I haven’t dated in like 4 years. Does that count? I no longer possess them, but definitely wasn’t something I expected to find.
Angie: Where were they? That might make the difference in how weird it was.
Pants: Like in one of the front pockets of a suitcase. It was my bigger suitcase that I rarely use, though, so other than actually packing it when I move, I don’t think I’ve used it in 5 or so years.
GTO: Probably some arcade parts. A few of them for games I no longer own or projects I haven’t gotten around to completing. Nothing as interesting as you two.
Angie: A bust of a bantha that we are going to hang in my son’s room. (I understood that to be a Star Wars thing when I bought it.) Or a lamp that I made out of a doll’s body (minus the head) for Halloween. There’s probably weirder stuff down there, though; that’s just off the top of my head.

 

[GTO]

@Cyched with one of his usual hard-hitters: Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
GTO: It is a conspiracy perpetrated by the deli-bread establishment to force you to buy corner-shaped meat. Little do they know that GTO is not falling into their trap. I usually only have this issue with sliced salami and (sometimes) pastrami. My trick: fold it in half and put the flat long end on the left, another one on the right, and then a final unfolded piece in the middle. Maximum bread coverage achieved. You’re welcome.
Angie: Are you only eating baloney? (Spelling was intentional.) Are you getting any fruits and vegetables, sweetie? Let us help. Also, I love GTO fighting Big Bread.
Pants: What kind of gross ass processed meats are you eating? Also, what kind of cheap ass bread are you eating that’s a square? Wonder Bread?

@CoachHines3 asked: there is a pocket pu*sy that is passed around in my friend group as a wedding present. the idea is for them to open the present in front of all the family/friends without knowing what it is.
i had it for a little over a year before i had to pass the torch to another buddy who got married.
i wont say if i used it or not.
you guys dont do that?
Angie: I don’t personally have a pocket pu**y, no. But dude, get your freak on however you want. If it keeps people only doing solo or consensual activities, go for it. Just maybe don’t immediately USE it in front of all of the friends/family after you open it.
Pants: So real talk, why is it perfectly acceptable and okay that women have vibrators (and it’s absolutely okay that they do!) but men are ridiculed if they have a fleshlight? Like, man or woman, if you want to get a toy to help you relieve some stress, go on with your bad self. Just make sure you wash it afterward.
GTO: Pro-tip: never keep your fleshlight next to your real flashlight. It could make that power outage extra awkward.
Angie: Pants and GTO coming strong with practical fleshlight advice.
Pants: Can we discuss how adorable it is that Angie even self censored on this document, knowing as a mod it will censor when transferred over to CF?
Angie: I follow self-made rules exceptionally well.

@BCClone no longer bragging about his 45 minutes: Is it wrong if you are so tired and just want to sleep that you just fake it and go to sleep?
Pants: No one in any relationship should have to “fake it.” If you aren’t feeling it and just not up to it, let your partner know! It’s 2020, guys, this is the year we stop guilting our partners into sex. Again, man or woman.
GTO: I don’t even want to know how you fake it. Wouldn’t it be easier if you said you had a headache?
Angie: I think Pants could run for president on that policy. I wholeheartedly agree.
Pants: See, this is why Angie loves me.
Angie: Enlightenment is sexy.

@mdk2isu asks: The most important question of the week: What teams win the NFC and AFC championships this weekend?
GTO: As much as I would love for AL to make it to the Super Bowl, I’ll have to go with the Chiefs vs. 49ers. Can we all agree that 49ers is a dumb team name, though?
Pants: How DARE you.
Angie: Chiefs and 49ers. It will be a very red and gold Super Bowl. Also, maybe sorta racially insensitive-sounding.
Pants: 49ers vs Titans in the Super Bowl.

@SCyclone with a nice work of fiction: What is the likeliest path for the Cyclones' MBB team to the National Championship?
Had to, after some of the threads following Saturday's win.
Angie: On a plane, with seat tickets that were hopefully not gifted by a donor.
Pants: The top 6 teams in every conference have to suspend their programs for the rest of the season.
GTO: *Sigh* I’m afraid is going to be that kind of season. Every win will have CF thinking we can beat the original Dream Team and every loss will have CF thinking we would get blown out by the Washington Generals.

@cmjh10 asks: This site went from wanting to fire Prohm and saying to start bench warmers to trying to find a path to the Tourny. Are the people on this site okay?
Pants: Have they ever been? Is anyone ever? What is “okay?” Just a mindset? A societal conformity?
GTO: This site is bipolar and off its meds. Everything is a wild swing to the extremes.
Angie: I think “okay” is a very relative term on CycloneFanatic.com. It would be a very boring place if people were, right? “Not okay” gets good site traffic!

@cmjh10 asks: @Angie, who is your second favorite poster? (We both know I’m your favorite).
GTO: Pants 1, GTO 2, every other poster on CF, site robots, Janny (dead last). I’ve heard that on a good day Janny barely climbs past the robots.
Angie: I have yet to receive any diamonds or money, so I cannot adequately answer this question. Also, not looking to get divorced today, thanks, @GTO.
Pants: Pants is 1 and 2.

@cmjh10 laying down the guilt trip: @GTO and @cyrocksmypants, why you hardly visit RTT anymore?
Angie: They are obvi very busy getting insider information.
Pants: I wish I had a good reason. While I dearly love everyone in there, I just kind of got a little…..bored, I guess? I’ll wander back there at some point, after all, I AM the VIP of those threads. Maybe when @cowgirl836 has a slightly older kid so 70% of the talk isn’t about baby poop?
GTO: In all honesty, just not as much time as I used to have to keep up with it. Then when I jump back in, I have no idea what’s going on. Still love everyone there, but just too busy with a few other hobbies/life/family/etc.

 

[GTO]

@CoachHines3 asks: when u see @Angie does anyone else read it as if they are singing rolling stones, angie?
Ahh-aingayy just me? carry on..
@Cyched asks: Named after, or conceived to?
Pants: I don’t know what any of this is, but it’s the content we need here.
GTO: Never heard the song. Won’t look it up or it will ruin the way I see Angie (Mabel from Gravity Falls).
Angie: All I know is, whenever anyone says my name, I imagine them saying it with these lips:

GTO: His mouth looks like a pocket pu**y.
Angie: A heavily used one?
GTO: Most likely. @CoachHines3 - can you confirm?

@ImJustKCClone asks: @Angie - what does "tugboats and arson" refer to?
@GTO & @cyrocksmypants - give it your best guess as to what it means. Make it good!!!
Angie: It’s a quote from the show Scrubs. The janitor is asking his brain trust for ideas, and all they ever give him are crazy solutions that involve tugboats and arson. LINK. I feel like that’s a pretty accurate analogy to being a moderator on CF.
Pants: I was going to say I can’t be friends with KC for not knowing a scrubs quote, but then I remembered she IS a Boomer.
GTO: Is tugboat like the male version of motorboat? Probably not. Hope not. Arson is how Angie and Janny introduce their kid to people: “this is ar son”. I’ll see myself out.
Angie: OMG, GTO, that is absolutely terrible. Are you proud of yourself?
GTO: My poor wife has to hear my jokes all day every day. She finds none of them funny, at all.
Angie: This Christmas, skip giving her your heart, and give her some noise-cancelling headphones.

@jcyclonee asks: How did you pull off the coup of getting Angie? She's like a real celebrity.
And you get her the week after the possible Tetris Champion of the World.
Unless you get someone like Chris Pratt or Jennifer Lawrence it only goes downhill from here.
Angie: You had me at “Pants.”
Pants: Not everyone is aware of this, but Angie is madly in love with me. It would almost be embarrassing if it wasn’t mutual.
GTO: It wasn’t cheap. And we had to have Janny watch the kids while we worked on the mailbag.
Angie: Dude. Are you an “I’m going to babysit my kids” guy?!

@ImJustKCClone asks: So, @jcyclonee is up next, right?
Pants: No, but the next one has already been chosen! And they’re not allowed to spoil it!
GTO: All I can say is that it is someone close to the program.
Angie: I am not given juicy tidbits of insider information, unfortunately. This job comes with no perks, apparently.
Pants: Angie, your perk is that now you know my name and while you still don’t know GTO’s, you DO know his weird ass email address.
Angie: Can I please get an origin story there?! WTH?
Pants: To my name? It’s included in the last question.
Angie: Sorry, no, GTO’s weird a** email address. It has to have a reason.
GTO: The email address itself or the username? The username was picked by my oldest son since we all use the same Google account. Sounds like some super cheesy gamer tag. Email is simpler: first 3 letters of my name, wife’s name, and son’s name put together.
Angie: Yes, the username - but that helps on both! I wondered if it was, like, an Xbox-generated username. Or maybe the name of your fleshlight.
Pants: I don’t own a fleshlight, but if I did, I would definitely name it.

@SpokaneCY asks: You didn't say ethical...
If I hosted a foreign exchange student to take care of my house, chop wood and shovel snow, do I have to pay her?
GTO: Well, doesn’t the “exchange” part implies that you have to give something in return?
Angie: I mean, isn’t the mediocre American education she is getting enough?
Pants: If I understand the rules of foreign exchange students properly, only in sex.

@coolerifyoudid playing CarFox: What is the worst thing you've ever done to a vehicle you owned?
Angie: I still think there is no way this question ends well. (In before “tailpipe.”)
Pants: I’m generally really good to my cars. So probably boning in the hood?
GTO: Tailpipe? I would think gas tank would be easier (not that I would know). Actually, remember that scene at the end of Back to the Future where the car now ran on trash? I’ll let you figure out the rest. And @cyrocksmypants - boning on the hood? What is this? A Whitesnake video?
Pants: Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Angie: I wasn’t wrong with my original assessment, and I’m so proud of my boys.

 

[CoachHines3]

@CoachHines3 asks: when u see @Angie does anyone else read it as if they are singing rolling stones, angie?
Ahh-aingayy just me? carry on..
@Cyched asks: Named after, or conceived to?
Pants: I don’t know what any of this is, but it’s the content we need here.
GTO: Never heard the song. Won’t look it up or it will ruin the way I see Angie (Mabel from Gravity Falls).
Angie: All I know is, whenever anyone says my name, I imagine them saying it with these lips:

GTO: His mouth looks like a pocket pu**y.
Angie: A heavily used one?
GTO: Most likely. @CoachHines3 - can you confirm?

i cannot confirm nor deny that his mouth is in fact a pocket pus*y maybe back in the 70s and 80's it was

 

[GTO]

@Fitzy with a great question: The highly publicized 2020 CF Mod elections are coming up. What three primary platforms are you running on to get elected (GTO, Pants) and re-elected (Angie)?
Pants: 1. Open polls for who will get banned. 2. Bringing Coupons back. 3. User sacrifices.
GTO: Ad-free for all, random Mod for a Day wheel, CW dunk tank.
Angie: No page limit on threads, pandering to the masses, and invading the Middle East. It seems foolproof.

@jcyclonee asks: I know somebody that's looking into opening a Taco Tico in the Des Moines area. What would be the best place for it?
GTO: Why do you need Taco Tico if you already have Tasty Tacos with their amazing flour tacos and flour nachos? Anyway, what is a Taco Tico? Don’t think I’ve ever seen one.
Angie: Could you please have them just put one in each quadrant of town? I gotsta get my crusto on. (I like the way you work it, Fort Diggity.)
Pants: The dumpster.
Angie: GTO - Are you s****ing me? Have you never been to Ft. Dodge? Or I think the one in Mason City is still open. They taste like nostalgia. And maybe a little bit of earthworm.
Pants: I’m FROM Mason City (it’s still open). Tico is totally overrated. Bell is even better. Fight me.
Angie: Admittedly, I don’t get a chance to have it very often, but it’s an institution. It may suck now, but you still go.

@cmjh10 asks: @Angie, how does it feel to have the life of every poster on CF in the palm of your hands? How do I get that power?
Angie: I mean, I’m not going to lie. It’s pretty incredible. But with great power comes great responsibility. Or a whole lot of petty crap. One of those. I would recommend filling out an electoral petition like anyone running for office.
Pants: In reality, I don’t even need to be a mod because Angie will do my bidding via PM.
Angie: Do our secrets mean nothing to you?
Pants: I’ll never reveal WHAT is discussed. But guys, she definitely names names.
GTO: Mod level is an unlockable achievement like in XBox Live. Sounds like you’re not there yet.

@GTO asked: God is left handed???
Pants: Trick question. She doesn’t need to use her hands.
GTO: Actually Cthulhu has no hands, only tentacles.
Angie: Yes, She is. And the other one’s giving a peace sign.

@mdk2isu asks: **** Why's it gotta be Cleveland? (in response to @coolerifyoudid’s comment: “They never tell you that at church. After you die, bad people go to hell, good left-handed people go to heaven and good right-handed people end up in Cleveland.”)
GTO: I don’t know about Cleveland, but if it is anything like Cincinnati I will have to agree.
Angie: Paul Simon is left-handed, and in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The Hall of Fame is in Cleveland. Ergo, left-handed heaven is in Cleveland. (I’m sorry, that was a crap answer. Give me something to work with here.)
Pants: Paul Simon is still on my bucket list of musicians to see before they and/or I die.
Angie: Same here. With or sans Garfunkel, either is fine.

@VegasCy asks: Wait, what is this? Can you make an Org Chart for CF and their primary function?
Angie: Like, all 60k members of CF? Is this an existential question - the meaning of CF life? I think our hardcoded primary function is to procreate and continue the Cyclone fanbase.
Pants: It starts with me and nothing else matters.
GTO: At the top: ESPN+, next CW, then Mods, then VIPs (like myself), then regular folk.

@VegasCy asks: So I’m losing PS Vue at the end of the month, the consensus on here seems to be a switch to YTTV. Just three personal quirks, I really only need 5 channels (ESPN family of networks and FS1), I get locals through Dish Network so I don’t need them, and I hate commercials and watch everything taped, so it needs to have a good DVR. What should I get?
Angie: Herpes.
Pants: I had a legit response, but Angie’s was so good that I’m abstaining from answering this one.
Angie: That’s how you avoid the herpes.
GTO: Someone else’s credentials to YTTV.

 

[BCClone]

Man I thought there were more questions.

 

[GTO]

@VegasCy again: I had an issue with streaming the game on Saturday night, when I never have streaming issues. Do you think my internet just got confused on who was playing? Vegas Cy in his best robot voice, “Iowa State making shots and playing defense, does not compute. Skynet is real, come with me if you want to live?”
Angie: What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell.
Pants: Being that the computer was created at Iowa State (not many people know that) I don’t think there was any confusion at all. It’s probably a Trojan virus from the questionable websites you visit.
Angie: Good point. I bet Atanasoff programmed computers to all be Cyclones.
GTO: Sure, but what about Berry? You think he was a Cyclone through-and-through, or could he possibly have been a Hawkeye in disguise? Maybe he put in an anti-Cyclone algorithm to override Atanasoff’s programming and have all Cyclone systems collapse on 2/22/22, kickstarting Judgement Day.
Angie: Have you guys earmarked this for revisiting if/when you ever have Angie Insider 2.0? Needs more data; does not yet compute.

@Gunnerclone being suspiciously narc-y: What is your favorite classic cannabis strain?
cheese?
AK 47?
White Widow?
Sour Diesel?
Amnesia Haze?
OG Kush?
Northern Lights?
Skunk #1?
Chem Dog?
Something else? (Tell is in the comments)
Angie: I can only handle, like, ¼ of a gummy before feeling like my stomach is going to fall out of my butt or something insane like that, but I always thought “cheese” sounded fun.
Pants: Probably Purple Haze, though you can’t go wrong with Sour Diesel. Never heard of White Widow, though I’m intrigued.
GTO: Weed? The only weed I know are the ones I pull from my yard. In all seriousness, I’ve never done any drugs. I’m high on life. Pure, uncut, Colombian kilos of life.

@Doc asks: You all are funny people. Is there a type of humor that just doesn't do it for you? Like people are laughing at the joke, and you're just like shut the **** up.
Pants: I don’t know if I’d consider myself funny. I have a dry/sometimes bordering on dark humor, I guess. In person, I typically have an incredibly straight faced and serious delivery, so I feel like half of my jokes go unnoticed. I think I’m kind of over dumb humor though. Like, Dumb and Dumber or Family Guy type of stuff. Maybe slapstick as well. There was a time and place where that was my jam, but I think I’ve moved on from that at this point. I’m increasingly starting to appreciate satire more and more though.
GTO: I don’t find prank humor funny. Especially when people play mean practical jokes on others. Never found that funny. Some people think I’m funny, others don’t. My wife says I’m good for at least one laugh-out loud comment a day. I think I get my humor from my mom. We’ll sometimes sit and watch a movie and we’re talking non-stop making fun of everything. Pretty much MST3K.
Angie: What I love about @Doc is knowing that he could be: a) legitimately earnest here, b) being sarcastic by saying that any of us are remotely funny (probably 100% true in my case), or c) gathering data to screw with us later. And I respect each of those. To answer the question - I don’t like people who are dumb. That sounds crappy - let me rephrase. I don’t like dumb people. If I purposely don’t fully deliver the punchline of a joke, the implication is supposed to be there for people who are smart to come up to the joke and meet me - we’re both then engaged, and it’s funnier that way. It annoys the crap out of me when someone comes in and tells the already-implied punchline and thinks they’re clever. (You’re not, Sharon.) Also, people who only go for the low-hanging fruit jokes - we get it, “That’s what she said” and cat memes were hilarious to you in 2005. Work on your act.

@BCClone asks: What is the best way to tell someone that you aren’t interested in anything but a purely physical relationship?
GTO: “Let’s not use our real names.”
Angie: “Hello, my name is Pants.” If that doesn’t work, “I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I’m not looking for a relationship, just to have some fun. I wanted to make sure you were okay with that.” (Just kidding on the first part, Pants - I know you’re not a ****. Love you.)
Pants: “I’m not interested in anything but a purely physical relationship.”

@VegasCy with this week’s War and Peace award: ISU’s 3 pt defense is real bad (329 out of 350 teams). Despite that, their path to victory has been pretty simple against P6 opponents (3-6 record):
1. Come close to the other team in 3 pt % - ISU is 2-0 when they shoot over 35% from 3 against P6 opponents.
2. Win the rebound battle - ISU is 2-0 when they have more rebounds than their P6 opponent.
3. Be +6 in turnover differential - ISU is 2-1 when they have a +6 turnover differential against P6 opponent.
When they get all 3 categories, you blowout Oklahoma, when you lose all 3 categories, you get the Iowa and Kansas games.
Where are you on this team?
Can they be consistent enough to win 10 more games this season?
Angie: That was a lot of words! I think this team has to gel together better - I think we’ve had a lot of people in and out, and I don’t think that we’re consistent enough yet. We’ve lost some big talent the past couple of years, and that’s always rough - I’m guessing we don’t see 10 more wins. But Prohm knows what he’s doing and is working on it.
Pants: No. This is a talented team, but not a well coached team and not a team that has learned how to play together as a team instead of a bunch of individuals. And they’re not THAT talented that they can ignore that and still be successful like Hoiberg’s final team here, for example.
GTO: If there is one word to describe this team would be: inconsistent. The league is top heavy with KU and BU (and maybe WV and TT), but pretty much up for grabs past those teams. However, that will require Prohm to get his head out of his ***, swallow his pride, and play the best lineups.

@VegasCy asks: Where did you land on The Rise of Skywalker? Critics loved TLJ, but every time I watch it I die a little inside. Critics hated TROS, but at first watch, I found it, if nothing else entertaining.
Pants: This is a Star Wars question, right?
Angie: I actually don’t watch Star Wars stuff, I’m so sorry. Is this the origin of Baby Yoda? I also don’t know what a TLJ is. I know what TMJ is - according to all of the husbands I know, it’s how their partners get out of certain activities.
GTO: I knew Pants knows nothing about Star Wars, but now Angie as well? Goodness! As the resident (and only) Insider Crew expert on Star Wars, I agree with you that I liked TROS better than TLJ. I thought The Last Jedi was all over the place and took a lot of liberties with force powers and side quests that seem to have nothing to do with the story. TROS was an easier watch, but did have some unexplainable story holes (most of that has been cleared up if you’ve read how Disney butchered JJ Abrams’ cut).

 

[Doc]

i cannot confirm nor deny that his mouth is in fact a pocket pus*y maybe back in the 70s and 80's it was

You’re thinking of Rod Stewart coach.

 

[Angie]

i cannot confirm nor deny that his mouth is in fact a pocket pus*y maybe back in the 70s and 80's it was

Riiiiiight, the Bowie rumors.

 

[GTO]

@BCClone asks: Are there any comedies’ sequels that are even close to as good as the original?
Angie: Man, that’s tough. Probably the best one I can think of is Ghostbusters 2 (I love Vigo the Carpathian, #noregrets). And Christmas Vacation is technically a sequel, right?
Pants: Ghostbusters was actually the first one that I thought of. Not as good as the original, but pretty close to it.
Angie: Bill makes anything amazing. And Peter MacNicol is awesome. I have a longstanding love of Ally McBeal that is mostly due to him.
GTO: Better than the original: Toy Story 3. Just as good as the original: Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear. Different but good: Ghostbusters II and Gremlins 2. Speaking of Gremlins 2, this is pure gold (NSFW):


@BCClone again: Why does the blimp fly around games when it is in a dome?
Angie: I prefer to call them “dirigibles.”
GTO: Dirigibles? Do you say that while having tea and crumpets?
Angie: Crumpets are better than nasty-ass scones, which are just dry crumbs. Pinkies up, b****es!
Pants: Did you know there’s only a total of like, 13 active blimps in the entire world?
Angie: That probably makes sense. It seems their only practical application is inefficient advertisement?
GTO: Because it gives a good look at the parking lot. That way, if you’re inside the stadium you know when it is a good time to leave and beat traffic. Side note: do any of you remember Blimpie’s Subs? I know I’ve been to one like 20 years ago, but can’t remember if I liked it.
Pants: Quiznos was better. So were their commercials.
Angie: I think Ames had two? The SwiftStop down on South Duff had a Blimpie’s, as did the other half of The Keg Stand. This was when I was in middle/high school. I liked their bread, but yes, Quiznos was unilaterally better (other than their business model).

@VegasCy asks: As a family, we pulled names out of a hat for the CFP, and the winner gets whatever they want. My wife has LSU (she wants a $1000 miniature schnauzer), my son has Clemson (he wants a $100 NYG’s LT Jersey). I feel like I’m in a no win situation, if LSU wins I’m out a grand and if Clemson wins my son wants a jersey of a well-known drug abuser. If Clemson does win, would you buy the jersey, and if not what do I sell my son?
Pants: Honestly, there’s worse people that have played the game than LT. but either way, do you need help housebreaking the dog?
Angie: What are you going to name the dog? Can you name it LT and nobody wins?
GTO: A dog with a substance abuse problem?

@cyclones500 asks: Updating my question from last week: NFL conference title games are Sunday. Of the 4 possible Super Bowl matchups, which would you (1) most want to see (2) least want to see.
Angie: I want to see 49ers vs Chiefs (although I’m far more of a college fan than of the NFL). I vehemently dislike the Packers and think that Aaron Rodgers looks like his eyes are dead. I don’t particularly care about the Titans one way or another, other than that I didn’t care for Pacman Jones.
GTO: You know what? I do agree with that. I always thought Rogers looks like he is heavily sedated. I think Olivia Munn sucked the life out of him. I guess there’s worse ways to have the life sucked out of you. But I digress. I guess 49ers vs. Chiefs is the sexiest matchup so that we can have Mahomes in a thousand more TV commercials.
Pants: Most: 49ers vs Chiefs. My team is the Niners, but also a great offense vs defense game. Least Packers vs Chiefs. Being from northern Iowa, I know way too many fans of both teams that are annoying as ****.

@cyclones500 aks: At the conclusion of last week’s mailbag, there was this exchange:
Cy$: Wow guys, not very many questions this time around.
GTO: You shut your mouth, Cy$! Can't do too many more mailbags like this one.
What is the meaning of GTO’s response?
(1) We prefer not to have mailbags with an extremely low number of inquiries.
(2) We’re unable to sustain the mailbag in the present format/arrangement.
(3) If these small mailbags continue, CF will ban the series.
Angie: I would never dare read between GTO’s words. He seems to be a man who means what he says.
Pants: 4. We prefer to have no more mailbags with @Cy$
GTO: Cy$ was actually being sarcastic. Last week was one of the longest mailbags we have done. There were a ridiculous amount of questions. And, no, CW doesn’t have the power to ban the series. Pants and I will decide when the series will come to an end or go on hiatus. We run this town!

 

[GTO]

@BCCloneasks: If you were to become an animal, what would you choose? And of course why?
Pants: Despite me ragging on them earlier, probably a house cat. They can be total ********, but their owners still adore them, and even though they **** in a box in the house, a quarter of the time they don’t even make it in the box.
Angie: A gloster canary. They look magnificent. And everyone would take me seriously. Like a member of the early-era Beatles.

GTO: Does that canary have a hairpiece? Looks like the bird version of Sam Sheepdog. I’ve watched enough nature documentaries to know it is ****ing terrifying out there. The only way to be safe is to be an apex predator. Preferably one that’s protected by law. So I would go with a bald eagle. I would have no animals looking to eat me and (hopefully) no humans hunting me.
Angie: I would absolutely love to meet a person who makes hairpieces for birds. There is an artist in Oregon who fashions waistcoats for taxidermy mice, and I can imagine he/she would be fascinating.

@Cyched asks: So we can expect the Harlem Globetrotters of the mailbag the next few weeks after being subjected to the Washington Generals (@Cy$ )? Just making sure I can raise my expectations again.
GTO: Yes, keep your expectations sky high and the IIC will surely deliver.
Angie: I do not think I performed any better than @Cy$. Sorry, guys, for delivering nothing.
Pants: 100% better than @Cy$ because you didn’t talk about man boobs once.
Angie: “Man boobs” is an insanely low bar.
GTO: Told you we should have gone with BodeClone instead.

@VeloClone to wrap up this week: I was supposed to be known by one name when I was born but by a twist of fate I am known by something else. My wife says that if I had the original name she never would have gone out with me. Is this shallow or just good judgement? Also, is there a name or names that are on your list of non-starters? If so, what are they and why?
Angie: Any time I hear a particularly bad name, I’ll ask my husband if he still would have dated me if that had been my name. Results vary. I have an acquaintance who lives on the west coast who named her son Thurston. It’s a fine, sturdy name, but I’ll predict now - that kid is either never getting laid, or he goes by a nickname. I don’t know that anyone has ever yelled “Oh Thurston” in the height of passion, regardless of how solid it is.
Pants: My mom was (still is?) a hippie and didn’t want to know what she was having. She was dead set that I was going to be a girl and I was going to be named Abigail Pearl. In the case I was a boy, my dad wanted to name me either Sterling or Maxwell Silverhammer. Instead they went with literally the most common boy name for the year I was born. Great name though, still. GTO will agree, I’m sure.
GTO: Thurston? There is a Chinese kid at my kid’s daycare named Thornton. Both parents are Chinese and he has a Chinese last name. Poor kid. Back to the original question, I can’t imagine any name being a non-starter as you can always use a nickname. I guess names of an ex are somewhat cringy? Can’t think of anything outside of that.
Pants: I could see names shared with like a childhood pet being strange. Or maybe the same name as a parent or sibling? But also, Greg. Could you imagine a woman being able to passionately, in the midst of lovemaking pant “oh Greg yes!” and not have it just be an immediate mood killer?
Angie: Piggybacking on both of your responses… Have either of you said the wrong name mid-coitus? How did that go for you?
GTO: Never have called someone the wrong name. I would hope that my performance would make the wife not care what I call her. Then again...
Pants: I’m genuinely struggling to think if I’ve ever actually said someone’s name, even their own, in coitus. Usually it’s like, pet names or like (already approved) kind of sexually degrading names, if they’re into that sort of thing. There was one time where I was having some good old fashioned at-work sex and my boss called me. We kept going but she kept making noises so I clamped my hand over her mouth but apparently covered her nose so it was hard for her to breathe and she almost passed out. But that’s also the same moment when she realized she had found a new kink, so she wasn’t mad about that.
Angie: What a majestic and pure silver lining.
Pants: Sometimes you’ve got to find the little victories in almost accidentally murdering someone mid-bone.

 

[GTO]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone for participating this week with your questions and to our CF celebrity guest @Angie for putting up with our nonsense. She did an amazing job, we had a ton of fun with her, and I hope that Janny still lets her hang out with us after this.

As usual, also thanks to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for his usual half-*** effort.

Until next week!

 

[Angie]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone for participating this week with your questions and to our CF celebrity guest @Angie for putting up with our nonsense. She did an amazing job, we had a ton of fun with her, and I hope that Janny still lets her hang out with us after this.

As usual, also thanks to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for his usual half-*** effort.

Until next week!

"More nonsense, please" is one of my life mottos. Thank you so much for letting me take part in this CF institution - I had a blast!

 

[BCClone]

@BCCloneasks: If you were to become an animal, what would you choose? And of course why?
Pants: Despite me ragging on them earlier, probably a house cat. They can be total ********, but their owners still adore them, and even though they **** in a box in the house, a quarter of the time they don’t even make it in the box.
Angie: A gloster canary. They look magnificent. And everyone would take me seriously. Like a member of the early-era Beatles.

GTO: Does that canary have a hairpiece? Looks like the bird version of Sam Sheepdog. I’ve watched enough nature documentaries to know it is ****ing terrifying out there. The only way to be safe is to be an apex predator. Preferably one that’s protected by law. So I would go with a bald eagle. I would have no animals looking to eat me and (hopefully) no humans hunting me.
Angie: I would absolutely love to meet a person who makes hairpieces for birds. There is an artist in Oregon who fashions waistcoats for taxidermy mice, and I can imagine he/she would be fascinating.

@Cyched asks: So we can expect the Harlem Globetrotters of the mailbag the next few weeks after being subjected to the Washington Generals (@Cy$ )? Just making sure I can raise my expectations again.
GTO: Yes, keep your expectations sky high and the IIC will surely deliver.
Angie: I do not think I performed any better than @Cy$. Sorry, guys, for delivering nothing.
Pants: 100% better than @Cy$ because you didn’t talk about man boobs once.
Angie: “Man boobs” is an insanely low bar.
GTO: Told you we should have gone with BodeClone instead.

@VeloClone to wrap up this week: I was supposed to be known by one name when I was born but by a twist of fate I am known by something else. My wife says that if I had the original name she never would have gone out with me. Is this shallow or just good judgement? Also, is there a name or names that are on your list of non-starters? If so, what are they and why?
Angie: Any time I hear a particularly bad name, I’ll ask my husband if he still would have dated me if that had been my name. Results vary. I have an acquaintance who lives on the west coast who named her son Thurston. It’s a fine, sturdy name, but I’ll predict now - that kid is either never getting laid, or he goes by a nickname. I don’t know that anyone has ever yelled “Oh Thurston” in the height of passion, regardless of how solid it is.
Pants: My mom was (still is?) a hippie and didn’t want to know what she was having. She was dead set that I was going to be a girl and I was going to be named Abigail Pearl. In the case I was a boy, my dad wanted to name me either Sterling or Maxwell Silverhammer. Instead they went with literally the most common boy name for the year I was born. Great name though, still. GTO will agree, I’m sure.
GTO: Thurston? There is a Chinese kid at my kid’s daycare named Thornton. Both parents are Chinese and he has a Chinese last name. Poor kid. Back to the original question, I can’t imagine any name being a non-starter as you can always use a nickname. I guess names of an ex are somewhat cringy? Can’t think of anything outside of that.
Pants: I could see names shared with like a childhood pet being strange. Or maybe the same name as a parent or sibling? But also, Greg. Could you imagine a woman being able to passionately, in the midst of lovemaking pant “oh Greg yes!” and not have it just be an immediate mood killer?
Angie: Piggybacking on both of your responses… Have either of you said the wrong name mid-coitus? How did that go for you?
GTO: Never have called someone the wrong name. I would hope that my performance would make the wife not care what I call her. Then again...
Pants: I’m genuinely struggling to think if I’ve ever actually said someone’s name, even their own, in coitus. Usually it’s like, pet names or like (already approved) kind of sexually degrading names, if they’re into that sort of thing. There was one time where I was having some good old fashioned at-work sex and my boss called me. We kept going but she kept making noises so I clamped my hand over her mouth but apparently covered her nose so it was hard for her to breathe and she almost passed out. But that’s also the same moment when she realized she had found a new kink, so she wasn’t mad about that.
Angie: What a majestic and pure silver lining.
Pants: Sometimes you’ve got to find the little victories in almost accidentally murdering someone mid-bone.

In regards to the Thurston comment. I’ve never yelled a name at the height of anything. Unless I am God or Christ, never had my name yelled either. Is this something people actually do?

 

[CoachHines3]

stand up ahh-ainggayy (@Angie) take a bow

 

[coolerifyoudid]

@VeloClone to wrap up this week: I was supposed to be known by one name when I was born but by a twist of fate I am known by something else. My wife says that if I had the original name she never would have gone out with me. Is this shallow or just good judgement? Also, is there a name or names that are on your list of non-starters? If so, what are they and why?
Angie: Any time I hear a particularly bad name, I’ll ask my husband if he still would have dated me if that had been my name. Results vary. I have an acquaintance who lives on the west coast who named her son Thurston. It’s a fine, sturdy name, but I’ll predict now - that kid is either never getting laid, or he goes by a nickname. I don’t know that anyone has ever yelled “Oh Thurston” in the height of passion, regardless of how solid it is.
Pants: My mom was (still is?) a hippie and didn’t want to know what she was having. She was dead set that I was going to be a girl and I was going to be named Abigail Pearl. In the case I was a boy, my dad wanted to name me either Sterling or Maxwell Silverhammer. Instead they went with literally the most common boy name for the year I was born. Great name though, still. GTO will agree, I’m sure.
GTO: Thurston? There is a Chinese kid at my kid’s daycare named Thornton. Both parents are Chinese and he has a Chinese last name. Poor kid. Back to the original question, I can’t imagine any name being a non-starter as you can always use a nickname. I guess names of an ex are somewhat cringy? Can’t think of anything outside of that.
Pants: I could see names shared with like a childhood pet being strange. Or maybe the same name as a parent or sibling? But also, Greg. Could you imagine a woman being able to passionately, in the midst of lovemaking pant “oh Greg yes!” and not have it just be an immediate mood killer?
Angie: Piggybacking on both of your responses… Have either of you said the wrong name mid-coitus? How did that go for you?
GTO: Never have called someone the wrong name. I would hope that my performance would make the wife not care what I call her. Then again...
Pants: I’m genuinely struggling to think if I’ve ever actually said someone’s name, even their own, in coitus. Usually it’s like, pet names or like (already approved) kind of sexually degrading names, if they’re into that sort of thing. There was one time where I was having some good old fashioned at-work sex and my boss called me. We kept going but she kept making noises so I clamped my hand over her mouth but apparently covered her nose so it was hard for her to breathe and she almost passed out. But that’s also the same moment when she realized she had found a new kink, so she wasn’t mad about that.
Angie: What a majestic and pure silver lining.
Pants: Sometimes you’ve got to find the little victories in almost accidentally murdering someone mid-bone.

I yell my own name. It's good for morale.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone for participating this week with your questions and to our CF celebrity guest @Angie for putting up with our nonsense. She did an amazing job, we had a ton of fun with her, and I hope that Janny still lets her hang out with us after this.

As usual, also thanks to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for his usual half-*** effort.

Until next week!

To be fair, half assed is still more effort than I put into most things.

 

[Angie]

I yell my own name. It's good for morale.

You should make up a cheer. Complete with a floor routine.

 

[coolerifyoudid]

You should make up a cheer. Complete with a floor routine.

Is a balloon-drop overdoing it?