***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 02-19-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-01-15-2020.254348/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-22-2020.254482/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-29-2020.254609/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-05-2020.254733/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-12-2020.254868/

Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 02-19-2020
Presented by Motel 6. The official motel of the Tetris World Championships.
With special guest Doc


@jcyclonee getting us started this week: An African or Indian elephant?
Doc: I’m gonna go with Indian because the best things about elephants is the fable about all of the blind men touching it in different spots and thinking it’s different things and I think that came from Gandhi.
Pants: Jesus, did we have to start off with a racist one??
GTO: How about the Great American white elephant? Your mom!
Doc: Fanatics, I tried to bring some class to the mailbag this week, but I’m only one man.
Pants: Class has no place in this hellscape of misfits and dirtbags.

@Sigmapolis asks: What is your favorite cult and why?
Pants: When I was in elementary school, I tried to create a religion if worship of me and just had the name be mostly my last name with -ite after it. It didn’t take off like I hoped it would. So probably The Brethren, because they’re just a bunch of lazy trash monsters, like me.
Doc: Children of God. They’ve been through a rebrand or two and are now known as “The Family”. They gave us Joaquin Phoenix and Christopher Owens, the frontman of the band “Girls”. They also believe that, if you happen to be one of those people that pleasures themselves, that you should imagine a deity there with you, helping you, as they say, “make the axhead float”. If you are a man you are supposed to pretend you are a woman because Jesus remains a man all of the time. Which is kind of cool. I think it’s important that we listen to other perspectives and viewpoints such as these.
GTO: Heaven’s Gate - for real. If you’re going the crazy cult route, go all the way committing mass suicide thinking that a spaceship is coming on the tail of a comet to pick up your spirit. Their logo game was on point as well:

@jcyclonee again: We just booked our family spring break trip to Mexico. How many of us come back alive this year?
GTO: This sounds just like the Donner Party, except people are served with a side of tortillas and refried beans. I say just 3 come back: you, the wife, and favorite kid.
Doc: My heart says 5, but my head says 3.
Pants: There’s 5, right? So 4 come back. Your son will disappear after trying to box a cartel with Hulk boxing gloves. @boxster is a pro with Mexico though. He could probably do an excursion to find your son.

@Angie with the follow up: Relevant question: are you taking your own carbon monoxide tester?
Doc: Is this important when going to Mexico?
Pants: Is this like a breathalyzer?
GTO: No, not a breathalyzer. The carbon monoxide tester is the one that is used to determine who “dealt it”. A bit more scientific than just assigning blame to whoever smelled it.
Doc: If you light a fart on fire and it burns blue, it is clean. Orange means it has CO in it.
GTO: Are clean farts kind of like “clean coal”?
Pants: Kind of, but only because, like with dirty coal, you can clean dirty farts with soap and water.

@BCClone asks: Can you have too much of a good thing?
Pants: Only if you’re me, and feel like you have to be punished for when things go well.
Doc: Yes, you sure can. Everything in moderation is my rule. A man has to have a code.
GTO: Remember death by snu-snu?

 

[GTO]

@BCClone again: I’ve wondered for awhile, WTF is Xanadu?
Doc: I think pants is correct.
Pants: I think it’s a soul fusion restaurant.
GTO: I think that was a video game in the old NES:

@jcyclonee asks: Will he be consuming edibles while answering questions? #toohorny
Doc: No. I am at work, consuming precious resources and shitting them into the toilet of unlimited growth.
Pants: Wait. Either you don’t know what edibles are or you don’t know what horny means.
GTO: Wouldn’t anything you consume be considered “edible”?
Doc: *quietly repeats Ace mantra* there’s never been a horny me and never shall I horny be. There’s never been a horny me and never shall i horny be. There’s never...

@BCClone asks: Why does JC still get down with disco?
Pants: Big fan of tight pants and Afros.
GTO: Regular afros or “south-of-the-border” afros (the ones that spill out of underwear)?
Doc: I don’t know what’s going on here.

@jcyclonee trying to get us to do some homework on some other thread: Is the video JM4CY posted in the "What Is Going On Here?" thread the creepiest thing you've ever seen that isn't a Hawkeye basketball player?
GTO: Nothing creepy in that thread. Just some turkey vultures, which happen to be the official Thanksgiving bird of West Texas.
Doc: That was pretty creepy. I got tailed by some green eyed creature when I was backpacking at night once. I think it was a mountain lion. That was creepy. But nothing is creepier than seeing Pants around women.
Pants: I haven’t set foot in the in state board since we lost to them, so I don’t know what this is in reference to. It’s not creepy, per se, but I saw a dude get shot and killed on MLK in Indianapolis. That was pretty traumatizing.
GTO: @Pants - if you ever watch the news in Spanish you’ll see that they do not shy away from showing all kinds of things like dead bodies laying on the ground from cartel violence in Mexico, or what I saw yesterday which was footage from a hospital in China where they were placing dead children’s bodies in body bags (ones who died from Coronavirus). I try to avoid watching Spanish news, but with my mom in town I’ve been watching sometimes.
GTO: @Doc - so you were terrified by a green-eyed cougar? You must not go to the bars very often.
Doc: Not nearly as much as I used to.

@jcyclonee again: Does it really matter who coaches basketball next year? A giant meteor is bound to hit prior to November 3 so we will probably only have a couple secret scrimmages and exhibition games in by that time.
Doc: It doesn’t matter. We’re gonna suck. We have to fight so hard at Iowa State just to be decent. Collegiate sports are such an uphill battle if you’re not a blue blood.
Pants: Coach Hoiberg will do a fine job here.
GTO: We’ll have our pick of CF super-coaches from the Capitol City League, secret scrimmage, and exhibition game threads. I say Pollard should hold off on hiring a new coach until he has a chance to see the takes in those threads.

@SCyclone asks: How would you re-cast famous movies using people from CF?
Pants: GTO as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park and all of the subsequent sequels. Doc as The Dude, but he has to grow out the hair and beard.
GTO: @ImJustKCClone alongside Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way but Loose, @wxman1 as Maverick in Top Gun, most of the Hawk trolls as either Harry or Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber, @Dandy as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
Doc: I like hero movies and there are no heroes on this website.
Pants: WOW, man. I’m like….right here.
Doc: okay, okay, Pants is the chubby guy in Hitch. I’m the cool guy.
Doc: I always picture cowgirl as Pippi Longstocking, and Angie as Maria in the The Sound of Music. Mitten1975 is the nun that sabotages the Nazi’s car. I’m the Rolf guy because he’s good looking. 3TrueFans is PeeWee Herman. Isuno1fan is the VP from Ford vs. Ferrari.
Pants: Oh man, I’ve got a picture of @cowgirl836 with weird bangs and a front curl that is just really something else.
[Insert weird looking CG picture here]

 

[GTO]

@SCyclone asks: Does getting my wife a heart-shaped pizza for Valentine's Day qualify me for legend status?
GTO: You’re doing it wrong. Here are the steps if you want legend status: Step 1 - Order pizza. Step 2 - eat whole pizza. Step 3 - cut hole in pizza box...
Doc: Step 4 - Write poem on some nice parchment, roll up, and put in hole in pizza box.
Pants: Did she have to cook it?
GTO: @Doc - not where I was going with Step 4, but whatever works.
Doc: I’m a romantic.

@SCyclone spending all his questions in one place: You have ten minutes to spend $1,000,000. What are you buying?
Doc: Well, I’m probably going to have an anxiety attack for nine minutes, and then try to buy gold online somehow.
Pants: 40,000 pocket pussies.
GTO: a million dollars worth of Blockbuster Video stock.
GTO: @Pants - wow, dude. You really don’t want to do the clean up afterwards. That’s actually pretty genius, use ‘em and toss ‘em.

@cyrocksmypants asks: Ever notice that the romanticized version of a heart is just a butt upside down?
Pants: I just read Doc’s answer and it made me depressed.
GTO: I heart hearts?
Doc: Looks like a symmetrical scrotum to me.
GTO: Good luck explaining to kids why the left side of that heart hangs lower than the right side.

@Sigmapolis getting us back on track: The basketball program made the NCAA tournament 7/10 times in the 2010s. How about you rank those seven teams and briefly why you chose their ranks?
GTO: Ranking them by how much fun I had watching their respective NCAA runs:
2014 - beating blue blood NC was awesome, but bittersweet due to Niang’s injury. Still loved Hogue’s amazing effort the next game.
2012 - terrible draw, but beating Jeremy Lamb and then starting hot against ‘Tucky was fun to watch.
2013 - Destroying Notre Dame was hella fun. **** Aaron Craft.
2017 - Fun game against Nevada.
2016 - Valiant effort by Georges. Everyone else choked.
2019 - Sorely missed Solo.
2015 - Rock bottom for Cyclone sports.
Doc: 2014: Maybe not the best by the numbers or the most talented, but the style was fresher back then and they had noticeable toughness between Ejim, Kane, and Hogue.
2017: Four seniors who have played in the league. Finished out the year really strong, but relied too much on conventional wisdom that cost them against Purdue.
2016: That win over A-LR is a little more impressive now that we’ve seen what Chris Beard can do.
2015: 10:00am game in an unfamiliar gym was a recipe for disaster. And Georges wasn’t fat enough.
2012: Royce could have carried them a long way, but they didn’t do enough work in the regular season to avoid the one seed. Got a little screwed on seeding due to the weakness of the bottom of the Big 12.
2019: Very talented, but was definitely missing something.
2013: This was a S16 team, but somebody has to be last.
Pants: 13/14-The was a Final 4 team had Georges not broken his foot. I’m 100% sure of it. We almost went to the Elite 8 with Edozie starting.
15/16-if there was anyone other than Georges going nuts, I think we come back and beat Virginia. Georges was the only one that could score in that game though.
12/13-I think this was a for sure Sweet 16 and maybe Elite 8 team. ******* Aaron Craft.
18/19-Hated the matchup against OSU. Disappointing post season, but still a fun (but frustrating) team to watch
16/17-Purdue was just a BAD matchup for us
11/12-Royce was a blast to watch
14/15-Ugh

@cyrocksmypants asks: This one is more specific to the special guest, but since everyone answers every question, have at:
Is your friend that looks like Shannon Woodward single yet? And follow up, can I get her number?
Doc: Unfortunately, she was the friend of a friend and I don’t even know which friend. She did seem to take to you. She did look like Shannon Woodward. Both kind of mousey looking.
Pants: ****. The only reason I didn’t try harder was because I didn’t want to impede on my guest! Did you end up hooking up with the foreign chick? She was into you.
Pants: I mean, you saw the similarities, right? Does she still look like her? Would she play Last of Us 2 with me? And watch Raising Hope and Westworld with me?
GTO: I had to look up who the **** is Shannon Woodward. Agree with Doc that she is mousey AF. Still very good looking, though.
Pants: Y’all just baggin’ on one of my top 5 girls over here…
GTO: Hey, I said she is good looking. Just don’t take her to Disney World unless you want a bunch of kids constantly coming up to her for pictures.

 

[GTO]

@cyrocksmypants stealing @Cyclones500’s thunder: What are the top 5 concerts you’ve attended and why are they on your list?
Pants: I posted this freshly coming off of a Fitz and the Tantrums concert, but:
The Killers - just remarkable showmen. I love their music anyway, but watching their concert was almost theatrical.
The Black Keys - I’ve seen them twice, but definitely the first time. It was before they got big, so it was a little outdoor concert at the White River Gardens in Indianapolis and they just killed it. Saw them again at whatever the Pacers stadium was called back then, and it just didn’t feel the same with the venue. Arctic Monkeys opened for them that time, and they were so awfully sound mixed that I couldn’t stand listening to them and had to walk outside until it was over. Still don’t like the Arctic Monkeys just because of that.
Todd Snider - Have seen him twice too. But the first time was at The Blue Bird in Bloomington. A tiny venue with like, 100, 150 people tops. In the middle of his set, his roadie had to come and pull him off for like 20 minutes to deal with something. Todd passed out slips of paper and said for people to give requests and he’d play every single one of them when he got back. Came back and he really did. Ended up playing for almost 3 hours.
Fitz and the Tantrums - Just total professionals. Know what they’re doing, know how to do it and Noelle Skaggs was absolutely mesmerizing as a performer.
Colin Hay - Saw him twice too. He’s just a fantastic storyteller. I would go just to listen to him tell stories about his time on tour almost as much as I’d go for his music.
GTO: Don’t usually go to concerts. Favorite I can remember was Ruben Blades live about 20 years ago. A mix of his latest album at the time plus some classics from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. Rest of the ones I’ve seen have been at music festivals or club shows, but nothing that stands out as memorable.
Doc:
Black Keys, Blues Traveler, and BassNectar in 12 hours at Wakarusa in Arkansas. Started that day navigating a tent maze to find essentially the hippie version of Common in Street Kings, then went to a gong room, then watched Black Keys and Blues Traveler, got a massage from a hot blonde hippie, then just danced it all out to BassNectar in the middle of the night. My eyesight has been a little ****** up ever since. Worth it.
Belle and Sebastian at Red Rocks: Awesome venue, and I just really enjoyed this one moreso than others I’ve seen there like My Morning Jacket, Wilco, and The National. Can’t really explain it. Just bouncy and fun.
The Mountain Goats at the Empty Bottle in Chicago: I was 21, was living outside of Iowa for the first time, and was scared as **** to even go somewhere as benign as the Ukranian Village. Seeing them in a smaller venue was incredible. Darnielle may be the Dylan of the 2000s. They make you realize the demons screaming in your head have friends.
Sigur Ros at the Uptown Theater in Kansas City.
Gil Mantera’s Party Dream at The Riot Room in Kansas City. So strange and danceable. I got kicked out that night for doing pullups on the rafters. If you’re going to brand yourself as “The Riot Room” you shouldn’t kick people out for stuff like that.

Biggest concert regret: I had a ticket to go see Arcade Fire at Starlight Theater in Kansas City, but wasn’t feeling well, and didn’t go. I heard it was incredible. Maybe @Entropy was there?
Pants: Oh, Belle and Sebastian seem like they’d be an interesting one! Also love the Mountain Goats. I’ve got tickets to see Die Antwoord in April and that will probably be wild.

@cmjh10 stealing @Cyched’s thunder as well: Since humans cant see air, can fish not see water?
GTO: Hold on, let me finish restringing my air guitar before answering. Is this question related to stealth fighter plane technology? Because those are impossible to see.
Doc: Humans can see air. Come visit me in Colorado and I will show you. Fish can’t see water because they haven’t learned how to use tools, such as levers, wheels, inclined planes and dab rigs.
Pants: Technically, it’s the oxygen that can’t be seen.

@Angie regarding her daughter making a butt out of an upside down heart and her teacher not noticing: I think she got away with it! Maybe not everyone sees butts in everything like our family? :shrug:
Doc: Freud made some valid points.
Pants: Apparently all I can see is symmetrical scrotums now and forevermore.
GTO: better than my kids who are obsessed with talking about dumps. Actually, @Angie and I should get everyone together to talk about butt-dumps non-stop.

@Cyched asking easier questions this week: What are you going to do with all that junk inside your trunk?
Pants: Been thinking about putting some of it in a Roth IRA.
GTO: I'ma get-get-get-get you drunk Get you love drunk of my hump.
Doc: Not really quite sure. Baseball coach in high school was always trying to figure out how to turn my giant ass into pure, raw, power, but we never really figured it out. Still had enough to hang dong on one of Brent Blum’s Waukee buddies though.
GTO: Pure, raw, ass power...

@Angie doing her best Ken Jennings: Let me Jeopardy this **** - do you see butts in everything like our family?
GTO: This is how I envision this in Jeopardy: The category would have been “Potent Pootables” for $500 and this would be the Daily (Juicy) Double. Angie bets all her money and then Sir Mix-a-Lot comes out to read the clue which is simply “Butts” and then Angie answers “What is something that my family sees in everything?” Then Alex Trebek says that is incorrect. The correct answer was “What is something that my anaconda don’t want none unless it’s got some of this?”
Doc: Fun fact. One of my roommates was on Jeopardy, and he did really well, but he dropped a “you better check yourself before you Trebek yourself”, and it was so cringe.
Pants: I prefer to see my family in all butts.
GTO: @Pants - Is this like when you see an image of Jesus on a piece of toast?

 

[GTO]

@BCClone asks: Speaking of back, why is it when men age their butts seem to disappear whereas as women go more the route of JLo or Nicki Minaj?
Doc: It’s largely natural selection. Eons ago, the women would stay home and do all the work, while the men would go out and hunt for food in order to get away from cavechildren. This, unfortunately, left the women and children open to attacks from roving bands of neanderthugs. As they were running from the marauders, the women with the ample posteriors were able to better defend their children by absorbing club blows, arrows, and shivs with their giant bums and thus the genes were passed on more frequently.
I think men’s butts get smaller because we’re lazy, sit in cubicles most of the time, and only work out our glamour muscles. At least, that’s what’s going with mine.
Pants: Well, Nicki Minaj has butt implants. Are you saying all old women get butt implants?
GTO: Many years of people saying to do something or it was my ass finally caught up with me. That’s the only explanation I can find for my shrinking derriere.
GTO: Butt implants remind me of that episode of King of the Hill where Hank needed some butt implant bags on his butt to compete in the riding lawn mower (or was it tractors?) races.

@cyrevkah joining us this week: We've been watching the Teen Titians and Teen Titans Go Marathon. Which is better?
Pants: I don’t know what any of these things mean. But I found out in the Ninja Turtle remakes, they like, shortened all of the names? So now it’s like, Mike, Leo Ralphie and Don? What the ****?!
GTO: Ralphie? Don? That is dumb as hell.
GTO: Teen Titans Go is actually a pretty fun show and both movies they’ve made for Teen Titans Go are pretty funny. I don’t see the appeal of the serious Teen Titans cartoon. It seems you can just watch any of the other DC cartoons and get the same drab, boring type of show.
Doc: A quick google search nets me this:
Teen Titans: 96% on Rotten Tomatoes and 93% of people on google like it.
Teen Titans Go: 5.2/10 on IMdb and 3.9/10 on tee vee dot com.
So I’m going to say Teen Titans ******* sucks and Teen Titans Go is a burgeoning cult classic whose genius will not be fully recognized for decades.
GTO: wait a minute… I just realized that the question said Teen Titians. If that is the case, teen Titian is better than Teen Titans Go, as Titian is considered one of the best Renaissance painters.

@Cy$ asks: How many tickets do I need to buy for everyone for the Tetris Championships?
GTO: All of them. As long as you have the couple of hundred dollars required to sell out the local Motel 6 Ballroom where the tournament takes place.
Doc: 7. 1 for me, 2 for girls that will be begging for this hot ticket, and 4 to sell on the open market for a profit. I am on board with this being entertaining. 100% onboard.
Pants: You shouldn’t have to front for everyone here. We’re all adults here. I’d say all you should pay for is your own plus the girl you’re going with. So 1 total.

@Doc trying to barter for some goods: @cyrocksmypants what would I get in return for providing you with contact info for Shannon Woodward lookalike? I'm a libertarian everything is strictly transactional.
Pants: I hear Libertarians like MDMA?
GTO: MDMA? Is that like the UFC?
Doc: I’d take some MDMA. I just want to take this time to say to the kids out there...drugs are fun, BUT they can be harmful, and it may be better for society if you DO NOT do them. Nancy Reagan had a point. You may end up a burnout like me.

But they are fun.

@BCClone closing us out with one of the many mysteries of mankind: Why do women do that?
GTO: Easier question is: why do men do that? Answer: because we’re stupid.
Doc: Because they are crafty and know things.
Pants: Because they’re smarter than us.

@BCClone with the last one for this week: What’s the point?
Doc: We all just got to do our part to try to level up in this simulation.
Pants: A fever dream cartoon from the 1970s. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067595/
GTO: The narrow, piercing end of an object.

 

[GTO]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone whom contributed questions this week and to our special guest @Doc who absolutely killed it. Also as usual, thanks to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for not totally sucking.

Until next week!

 

[Angie]

Dude, did none of you hear about the family that traveled to Mexico and got CO poisoned?

https://6abc.com/4797381/

@GTO - my kids are also ALL ******* IN on talking about dumps, so I feel like they'd have a lot in common. Let's make this happen.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

****! I forgot to add the @cowgirl836 bangs picture to the document!

we’ll see how the poll does, if enough people want to see it, I’ll put it in the thread.

 

[GTO]

Dude, did none of you hear about the family that traveled to Mexico and got CO poisoned?

https://6abc.com/4797381/

@GTO - my kids are also ALL ******* IN on talking about dumps, so I feel like they'd have a lot in common. Let's make this happen.

It all started when my oldest one showed my little one a video called "Barney takes a dump". All downhill from there.

 

[NWICY]

Well boys pretty good job figuring the quality of the product you had to work with.

Looking forward to next week.

 

[CloniesForLife]

Nice work guys! Bummed I miss asking Doc a mailbag question

 

[Angie]

It all started when my oldest one showed my little one a video called "Barney takes a dump". All downhill from there.

I totally get it. When our princess-loving, dainty two year old daughter started singing "Poop poop poop poop..." to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," I knew we were screwed.

One of @Mr Janny's proudest days as a dad occurred when that same daughter was about 3.5, and learning how to spell/write. The two of them walked around our entire cul-de-sac identifying any instance of bird poop on the pavement, and then identifying it by practicing her new-found writing skills - I'm sure our mailman was amused:

 

[VeloClone]

It all started when my oldest one showed my little one a video called "Barney takes a dump". All downhill from there.

 

[jcyclonee]

@Angie with the follow up: Relevant question: are you taking your own carbon monoxide tester?
Doc: Is this important when going to Mexico?
Pants: Is this like a breathalyzer?
GTO: No, not a breathalyzer. The carbon monoxide tester is the one that is used to determine who “dealt it”. A bit more scientific than just assigning blame to whoever smelled it.
Doc: If you light a fart on fire and it burns blue, it is clean. Orange means it has CO in it.
GTO: Are clean farts kind of like “clean coal”?
Pants: Kind of, but only because, like with dirty coal, you can clean dirty farts with soap and water.

This is why I read this mailbag. So educational.

@SCyclone asks: Does getting my wife a heart-shaped pizza for Valentine's Day qualify me for legend status?
GTO: You’re doing it wrong. Here are the steps if you want legend status: Step 1 - Order pizza. Step 2 - eat whole pizza. Step 3 - cut hole in pizza box...
Doc: Step 4 - Write poem on some nice parchment, roll up, and put in hole in pizza box.
Pants: Did she have to cook it?
GTO: @Doc - not where I was going with Step 4, but whatever works.
Doc: I’m a romantic.

Doc's never been married (at least I don't think so). He doesn't yet realize that as soon as you light that unity candle, romance dies and all that you have left is a pizza box with a hole in it that fits kind of funny on your asymmetrical scrotum.

@Angie doing her best Ken Jennings: Let me Jeopardy this **** - do you see butts in everything like our family?
GTO: This is how I envision this in Jeopardy: The category would have been “Potent Pootables” for $500 and this would be the Daily (Juicy) Double. Angie bets all her money and then Sir Mix-a-Lot comes out to read the clue which is simply “Butts” and then Angie answers “What is something that my family sees in everything?” Then Alex Trebek says that is incorrect. The correct answer was “What is something that my anaconda don’t want none unless it’s got some of this?”
Doc: Fun fact. One of my roommates was on Jeopardy, and he did really well, but he dropped a “you better check yourself before you Trebek yourself”, and it was so cringe.
Pants: I prefer to see my family in all butts.
GTO: @Pants - Is this like when you see an image of Jesus on a piece of toast?

Can this please be printed on some of that leftover parchment, rolled up into a scroll and passed down to future generations so as to impart this wisdom unto our children's children.

@BCClone asks: Speaking of back, why is it when men age their butts seem to disappear whereas as women go more the route of JLo or Nicki Minaj?
Doc: It’s largely natural selection. Eons ago, the women would stay home and do all the work, while the men would go out and hunt for food in order to get away from cavechildren. This, unfortunately, left the women and children open to attacks from roving bands of neanderthugs. As they were running from the marauders, the women with the ample posteriors were able to better defend their children by absorbing club blows, arrows, and shivs with their giant bums and thus the genes were passed on more frequently.
I think men’s butts get smaller because we’re lazy, sit in cubicles most of the time, and only work out our glamour muscles. At least, that’s what’s going with mine.
Pants: Well, Nicki Minaj has butt implants. Are you saying all old women get butt implants?
GTO: Many years of people saying to do something or it was my ass finally caught up with me. That’s the only explanation I can find for my shrinking derriere.
GTO: Butt implants remind me of that episode of King of the Hill where Hank needed some butt implant bags on his butt to compete in the riding lawn mower (or was it tractors?) races.

This is why I read this mailbag. So educational.

GTO: wait a minute… I just realized that the question said Teen Titians. If that is the case, teen Titian is better than Teen Titans Go, as Titian is considered one of the best Renaissance painters.

Everything I know about Titian I learned from E. Buzz Miller

 

[cowgirl836]

****! I forgot to add the @cowgirl836 bangs picture to the document!

we’ll see how the poll does, if enough people want to see it, I’ll put it in the thread.

Dislike.

 

[Angie]

This was easily the classiest Mailbag ever. Despite mentioning butts and balls. Well done!

 

[Sigmapolis]

Heaven's Gate is a very solid choice there, @GTO.

Their leader Do, the alien embodiment of Jesus Christ on Earth (sometimes known by the name given to his vehicle, Marshall Applewhite), has to be on the Mt. Rushmore of all-time crazy looking cult leaders, too. Seriously, look at him --

 

[VeloClone]

Dislike.

I have to admit doing a doubletake when I read the phrase "CG bangs picture". NSFW. I was really thinking this thread had taken a turn.

 

[VeloClone]

Heaven's Gate is a very solid choice there, @GTO.

Their leader Do, the alien embodiment of Jesus Christ on Earth (sometimes known by the name given to his vehicle, Marshall Applewhite), has to be on the Mt. Rushmore of all-time crazy looking cult leaders, too. Seriously, look at him --

Marshall Applewhite? Didn't he play for Texas?