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What is your best Hawkeye joke of all time?

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brinkch

Member
Mar 25, 2006
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I don't know about the rest of you, but as the lone Cyclone fan in my group of friends in Cedar Rapids, I've already started getting a rash of anti-Cyclone propaganda in my email box in the form of jokes and trash talk. I could use a little ammunition to return.

Could you please respond with your all-time best Hawkeye jokes. It's time to put the women and children to bed and go huntin' for dinner!!!
 
zdorr40

zdorr40

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Apr 3, 2006
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Des Moines
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A UNI student, an ISU student, and an Iowa student are leaving a frat party when they notice a co-ed passed out buck naked in the bushes by the house. Being the gentlemen they are, the UNI student places his hat over the woman's left boob, the ISU student places his hat over the right boob, and the Iowa fan places his hat over the crotch. They then proceed to call the police.

The cops show up and the detective lifts up the UNI hat and jots down some notes on his notepad. The detective then lifts up the ISU hat and jots down some more notes.

Finally, the detective lifts up the Iowa hat, stares for a while and puts it back down. Then he picks it up again, thinks for a while, scratches his head and puts the hat back down again. He does this a third time and the ISU student asks the detective, "Are you some kind of pervert? What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry. I'm a little confused." the detective says. "The only times I've seen an Iowa hat, there's been an a$$hole under it."
 
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Cyclonesrule91

Cyclonesrule91

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Apr 10, 2006
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You know your a hawkeye because you think you have a personalized license plate because your Father made it.....
 
ISUFan22

ISUFan22

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Apr 11, 2006
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Oh...how 'bout the year Iowa had all the pre-season accolades and went on to win the national championship? Wasn't that coo-....







Wait....never mind...
 
ISU_phoria

ISU_phoria

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Apr 10, 2006
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Andover, MN
An ISU student, a UNI student, & an Iowa student were all working together one summer for the DOT building a new bridge over the Mississippi. At lunch time the three of them sat down to eat. The ISU student opened his cooler and said: "Ham Sandwich again, if I have to eat ham one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge." The UNI student opened his cooler, saw a turkey sandwich and said: "If I have to eat turkey one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge too." Finally the Iowa student opened his cooler, found a PB&J sandwich and he too declared he would jump off the bridge if he had to eat one more PB&J sandwich.

The next day the three guys sat down for lunch on the bridge deck, the ISU student opened his cooler, found the ham sandwich, which pushed him over the edge and he then jumped off the bridge, falling to his death. Similarily, the UNI and Iowa students found the turkey & PB&J sandwiches respectively and both jumped to their deaths.

Later that week, the three mothers of the students were discussing the demise of their children when the ISU student's mother asked: "Why didn't he just ask for a different kind of sandwich, I would have gladly made it for him?" The UNI student's mother chimed in with the same comment.

Lastly, the Iowa student's mother said while weeping: "I just don't get it, he packed his own lunch every morning!"

GO CLONES!
 
monkeybrow

monkeybrow

Member
May 19, 2006
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what does Drew Tate and a mental from London like me have in common?

neither of us will even sniff a heisman
 
ISU_phoria

ISU_phoria

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Apr 10, 2006
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Too Much fun, I can't help myself...

A guy walks into a bar in Iowa City and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Ames."

The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Ames?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"

The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
 
flander1649

flander1649

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Apr 20, 2006
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Kansas City
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A man enters a bar & orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail & then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "162" & the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics & spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology & sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed & thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around & comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink & asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns & women's body parts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar & decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out & returns; the robot serves him & asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

The robot says... real slowly, "So.. how.. bout.. them.. Hawkeyes?"
 
kentkel

kentkel

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Apr 12, 2006
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Top 3 uses for a University of Iowa Diploma

3. Hang it in the windshield in order to legally park in handicap zones.
2. Set it next to the Charmin - just in case you run out.
1. Bury it in the ground. When it gets dug up in a couple hundred years, it just might be worth something.
 
jay moe

jay moe

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Apr 10, 2006
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southern iowa
A good one:

Unprecedented Child Custody Ruling

A 7 year old boy was at the center of a courtroon controversy. Apparently he had been beaten for years by his parents. The court was trying to decide who could gain custody of the child. The court ruled out his uncle, grandparents, and some of his cousins, because the boy said they had all beaten him at one point or another. Finally the boy said," I would like to be put into the custody of the Iowa Hawkeye football team." Hearing this the court when into immediate deliberation. Nothing like this had ever been arranged before, there was no precedence. Finally, after hours of deliberation, the court granted custody to the Iowa Hawkeye football team because they are clearly not capable of beating anybody.
 
Cyclonesrule91

Cyclonesrule91

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Apr 10, 2006
5,405
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Waukee
Q. Do you know why EIU cheerleaders wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from dragging.

Q. Did you hear they had to replace the grass field and replace it with astroturf?
A. They had to do it to keep the cheerleaders from grazing during the game.

Q. Do you know how you can tell that a EIU cheerleader has 1 more brain cell than a dairy cow?
A. Because they won't crap on the ground when you are playing with their b*#bs.
 
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