A University of Iowa fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
What is your best Hawkeye joke of all time?
- Thread starter brinkch
- Start date
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Iowa win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."
On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along in the pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just offshore. A helpless man, wearing a black and gold Iowa Hawkeye jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 ft shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Iowa State jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious hawkeye from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat also.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Iowa and Iowa State fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, who was that?" It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know a thing about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up ok, or do we need to get another one?"
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Iowa State jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious hawkeye from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat also.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Iowa and Iowa State fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, who was that?" It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know a thing about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up ok, or do we need to get another one?"
A Cyclone fan had a habit of scaring Hawkeye pedestrians when he saw them by swerving his car toward them, then pulling away at the last moment.
One day the Cyclone picked up a hitchhiking priest. As they were driving along, the Cyclone spotted a Hawk fan by the side of the road and, without thinking, swerved toward him. He barely missed the hawkeye, and the sudden swerve caused the priest's door to swing open and he almost fell out.
"Good heavens, Father," said the horrified Cyclone fan. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry."
"Don't worry, my son," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
One day the Cyclone picked up a hitchhiking priest. As they were driving along, the Cyclone spotted a Hawk fan by the side of the road and, without thinking, swerved toward him. He barely missed the hawkeye, and the sudden swerve caused the priest's door to swing open and he almost fell out.
"Good heavens, Father," said the horrified Cyclone fan. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry."
"Don't worry, my son," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
Best Hawkeye joke i've ever heard cyjlt! Funny because it is so true. Definitely a keeper!
Q: How do you get a UI fan off your porch???
A: Pay him for the Pizza!
One day, an ISU fan, UNI fan, and Iowa fan all died and went to heaven. Upon reaching the gates, they met with St. Peter and he told them, "Now that you are in Heaven... you are free to do whatever you want and enjoy yourselves. We only have one rule, however, do NOT kick the chickens. That's it... have fun!"
Well... the ISU fan started to get curious and thought, "What's so special about these chickens?" So one day he lined up and just nailed one of the chickens like he was kicking a 50 yard field goal to beat Texas in OT. He looked around and nothing happened. The UNI fan, wanting to be just like the cool ISU grad decided he wanted to kick a chicken too. So he went up and tapped a chicken just slightly with his big toe. They both looked at the Iowa fan to see if he had the guts to kick a chicken... but the Iowa fan would not because St. Peter told them not to.
The next day, the ISU fan and UNI fan woke up chained to the two ugliest, fattest, most obnoxious women you could possibly imagine for the rest of eternity. The Iowa fan just laughed at them.
Two days later... the Iowa fan woke up chained to Jessica Alba for eternity. The ISU fan and UNI fan asked in disbelief... "How in the world did we get chained to the most annoying and hideous women in the world and you get chained to Jessica Alba?!?!?!?" To which Jessica quickly replied, "I kicked a chicken."
Well... the ISU fan started to get curious and thought, "What's so special about these chickens?" So one day he lined up and just nailed one of the chickens like he was kicking a 50 yard field goal to beat Texas in OT. He looked around and nothing happened. The UNI fan, wanting to be just like the cool ISU grad decided he wanted to kick a chicken too. So he went up and tapped a chicken just slightly with his big toe. They both looked at the Iowa fan to see if he had the guts to kick a chicken... but the Iowa fan would not because St. Peter told them not to.
The next day, the ISU fan and UNI fan woke up chained to the two ugliest, fattest, most obnoxious women you could possibly imagine for the rest of eternity. The Iowa fan just laughed at them.
Two days later... the Iowa fan woke up chained to Jessica Alba for eternity. The ISU fan and UNI fan asked in disbelief... "How in the world did we get chained to the most annoying and hideous women in the world and you get chained to Jessica Alba?!?!?!?" To which Jessica quickly replied, "I kicked a chicken."
PRESS RELEASE:
IOWA CITY, IA - The University of Iowa's Christmas pageant has been cancelled for this year due to casting problems. After an extensive search of the area, directors were unable to locate three wise men and a virgin.
IOWA CITY, IA - The University of Iowa's Christmas pageant has been cancelled for this year due to casting problems. After an extensive search of the area, directors were unable to locate three wise men and a virgin.
To be nice, here is a joke that mutually respects both schools:
Clone/Hawk Seeing Eye Dogs
Two football gal fans, an Cyclonite and a Hawkette, were out for a Saturday stroll. The Cyclone had a Doberman and the Hawkeye fan, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the Cyclone fan with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The Hawk lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got
dogs with us.":Confused:
The Cyclone fan with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the Cyclone fan with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The Cyclone woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The Cyclone fan said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The Hawkette with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a
Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but
thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.":Swirl:
The Hawkette said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?":Clown:
The Hawkette with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freakin' Chihuahua?!":8Ball:
Clone/Hawk Seeing Eye Dogs
Two football gal fans, an Cyclonite and a Hawkette, were out for a Saturday stroll. The Cyclone had a Doberman and the Hawkeye fan, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the Cyclone fan with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The Hawk lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got
dogs with us.":Confused:
The Cyclone fan with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the Cyclone fan with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The Cyclone woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The Cyclone fan said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The Hawkette with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a
Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but
thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.":Swirl:
The Hawkette said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?":Clown:
The Hawkette with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freakin' Chihuahua?!":8Ball:
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