Kindergarten Bullying

[Cyched]

The police chief? He gonna handcuff a six year old?

Might as well call Governor Reynolds and shoot an email to Jamie Pollard while you're at it.

We already tried that

Send emails to Jamie Pollard

About the performance in Saturday's game, please direct your emails to Jamie Pollard. He needs to get some pressure on getting his Football team disciplined. Coach Paul Rhoads is a guy with emotions - the kids will only do what the coaches' facial expressions justify. Rhoads took his hat off...

cyclonefanatic.com

 

[madguy30]

If the school just keeps ignoring you, you need to get their attention, you need to find a lawyer. I know it's easier said then done, but it sounds like you really need a lawyer who will add weight to your concerns to get the schools attention.

Doesn't sound like the school is ignoring, they just can't do anything about it.

There's all sorts of trickle down politics that may be involved that gives the parents of the bullies some form of power and they sue first. They might call those parents in to discuss consequences, etc. but they may throw a fit and make it worse.

Unfortunately this kind of bull**** isn't that uncommon.

 

[madguy30]

Thanks for the replies.

My wife exchanged emails with the teacher and she acknowledged the fact that there have been multiple reports of bullying by these two kids from other students and parents. The solution was changing desks but then incidents moved to the lunch room. Then to the playground. This specific child of our three is honest to the point he tells on himself if he does something wrong. I'd be a lot more hesitant if it was one of the other two.

These may get taken care of or they may escalate. I just have a bad taste in my mouth from the district in general based on how the "stabbing" incident was handled among other things over the years. Also hearing things from our two teacher neighbors about the state of the district and being handcuffed if things do escalate. It may just be a waiting game right now.

I was just hoping we'd at least make it though the first years of elementary before dealing with this crap again.

Yeah I don't know how transparent the teacher can be but this sounds like the deflective bull**** I see and it's possibly because the bullies' parents are awful in how they respond instead of holding their kid accountable.

 

[BillyClone]

Send them to the private schools - In our experience, behavioral expectations are higher and kids are held accountable.

 

[MJ29]

Send them to the private schools - In our experience, behavioral expectations are higher and kids are held accountable.

My husband went to a private school for part of his school years and faced more bullying there than at the public school. There are jerks/bullies everywhere.

 

[WooBadger18]

Send them to the private schools - In our experience, behavioral expectations are higher and kids are held accountable.

I’m not sure that’s a universal thing; I know of some kids that really got bullied in private school. And that’s also ignoring issues of cost, quality, and whether the parents want their child to receive religious instruction or that specific school’s religious instruction.

If the issue can’t be resolved any other way maybe you look at switching schools (whether to a private school, other public school, etc.) but suggesting the switch to private school right off the bat doesn’t seem like a great suggestion to me

 

[ISUTex]

I can’t believe I have to ask this but I’m at a loss. Some of you may remember my oldest (12) being threatened to be stabbed last year and nothing happening about it.

Well now my middle one is in KG and has been dealing with bullies since the first week. We found out last week when he came home with a full lunch and said he couldn’t eat. He said he was too upset about two other kids in his class punching him in the head during lunch. The lunch monitors did nothing. They do it in class and his teacher told him “tell them to stop”. He won’t bring his water bottle anymore because the kids made fun of him. A kid at recess told him he couldn’t play basketball or he’d “kick him in the nuts”.

I know kids were never immune to bullying but it seems the school system can’t do anything about it anymore. He’s a really gentle kid most of the time but he’s absolutely big and strong enough at his age that he could really hurt someone retaliating.

Where is the line between sticking up for himself and walking away? What can we pressure the school to do if this keeps happening? I don’t know what to tell him.

What do you want the school to do specifically? Do you know for sure they haven't done anything, or are you just going off what your kindergartner is telling you? What are school policies? Make sure those things are clear when you meet with them.

 

[CycloneErik]

The police chief? He gonna handcuff a six year old?

Might as well call Governor Reynolds and shoot an email to Jamie Pollard while you're at it.

No matter what, in all things, email Pollard.

 

[MeowingCows]

My husband went to a private school for part of his school years and faced more bullying there than at the public school. There are jerks/bullies everywhere.

I'm in that category too -- left one that wouldn't do anything about what was going on. Covered up any and all incidents without punishment for anyone involved. I made my fair share of bad choices, but still largely walked from those also.

That said, the change of scenery I made after did a lot of good for me. That's not to say bullying didn't exist at the next school, but it was largely resolved for me. Gave me a nice reset to get back in control of my interactions with other people. Granted, for me, this was in high school -- not kindergarten. Much different animal there.

 

[madguy30]

No matter what, in all things, email Pollard.

I emailed him about this recent little heat waveish deal because my walks to my car in the afternoon have been uncomfortable and I haven't heard back.

Fingers crossed.

 

[Dirt Boy 2]

My advice is for outside of school. My wife and I are pretty introverted. Don’t really want that for our kids, doesn’t mean it won’t though. My wife was bullied quite a bit growing up, myself not as much. What we try and do for our kids is give be them as much positive interactions with others as possible in multiple situations. I have a 6 year old in kindergarten and a 3 year old. I make both of my kids do the interaction around town like ordering at a restaurant so they gain confidence in speaking for themselves. It has done wonders for the 3 year old who was late talker. We rehearse what they are going to say so no surprises. Most find it cute. We also belong to a church small group so they see us interacting positively with others. Doesn’t have to be church just somewhere they see us interacting on a regular basis.
One other thing we do is make our kids responsible for things at home. They do quite a few chores that are age appropriate. I think it proves they are capable and builds confidence. I don’t let them get away with not doing something they can do for themselves. It is a process but we slowly add to their skills. Folding clothes, setting the table and clearing it afterward, and tying their shoe. Takes time but it is great time saver when they get the hang of it. Make your own sammich, get your own snack.
The 6 year old we waited a year before starting school. Hopefully he will be one of the older more mature kids in his class. So he is the one setting the example vs learning bad habits from others. He also did transitional kindergarten. Small class size was great. There were a few behavioral kids in the class but the teacher spent a lot of time on emotional intelligence. So he a plenty of practice dealing with situations and the teacher had the class size to do it. The TK program was great but our school district is wanting to get rid of it. I don’t think they really promote it either or utilize it.
I would like my kids to do martial arts because they are both on the small side. Sounds bad but I think there is confidence in walking in a room and knowing you can kick someone‘s ass. Just not ready for the time commitment. I want them to learn to swim first.

 

[CYdTracked]

Sorry to hear you are going through this especially at a young age. I went through it myself but was more when I was junior high/early HS age and there wasn't nearly the attention to it back in the 90's as there is today. Both my daughters (5th and 2nd grade now) have had some minor/isolated incidents at school that we've coached them through pretty successfully so far. The main thing we've had them do is if it's mostly something going on in the classroom then have your kid find a time during the day when they can approach the teacher without other kids around if possible, such as right before or after school or maybe be the last one out for recess and tell their teacher they need to stay behind to tell them something. That's worked pretty well for the situations we were dealing with because most of it was just 1 or 2 kids that were disturbing them during class and when the teacher has 20 or so kids to pay attention to at once they don't always notice it. After they talked with the teacher alone the teacher then paid more attention to what the kid(s) in question were doing and then were able to notice it and address the behavior and move them to a different part of the room away from them and curb the behavior. We tell both our girls that our last resort is for us to have to start communicating with the teacher about it if possible because once we do that it could possibly make the situation worse if the kids know we went to the teacher so the ideal thing is for them to appropriately make their teacher aware of what is going on while not doing it in a manner that looks like they are being a tattletale or crying wolf.

Had one of these small situations just last week with my oldest at soccer practice. Apparently 1 of the girls was spitting water at her when they were on the sideline and 1 time when my daughter was on the field and this girl was on the sideline she was shaking up her water bottle and attempted to put grass in it before another girl stepped in and told her not to then told my daughter when she came to the sideline what the girl tried to do (I am hoping to run into 1 of her parents sometime to let them know they should be proud of what she did!) My daughter said she tried to tell her coach about it but he didn't say anything but when he has a dozen or so kids to pay attention to while practice is going on he's probably not paying much attention to the sideline. Told her the easiest way to avoid the situation is when she is not on the field during a scrimmage or game to have her water bottle with her and stand closer to the coach instead of down the sideline where he is not near them as the girls tend to socialize or mess around when they are not on the field. No one is going to spit at or mess with her bottle if you are standing with coach and it also shows him she is engaged in practice too.

Hope you find resolution to your situation, every one is different so there is no perfect way to handle them. If something physical is happening document it, take photos if needed as that is the point I'd probably engage the school. Verbal bullying especially at a young age is a little more difficult to document because unless there are other witnesses willing to verify what is happening with your kid then it's basically a game of he/she said where 1 side is going to deny it. Tactfully having your kid make their teacher aware of what is happening in a 1 on 1 setting so they hopefully will make a point to pay closer attention to what is going on around your child is my preferred way to start the process. Also coach your kid to remove themselves from situations when the bullying happens too. They don't necessarily have to retaliate but if it's recess just walk away and head in the direction of a teacher or someone supervising recess as the bully likely is not going to follow and try something in sight where they would be caught.

 

[clone4life82]

Yes, bullying in KG. It’s my current wife’s first (and favorite but don’t tell her that lol) and she’s been worried about this happening for years because of his demeanor and the state of the Ankeny school district. It took a week and a half for it to start.

I just don’t want him to lose his confidence because he lacks it to begin with. I also don’t want him to start retaliating because he’s bigger and stronger than most at this point. Bullies need put in their place eventually but IMO KG is too early for a kid to be the one to do it.

I almost hate to ask but do you mind telling me which Ankeny schools your kids go to? I’m curious if it’s the same ones my kids do and if so, I wouldn’t mind asking mine if they’ve seen/heard any of this. I was talking with one of the HS sports coaches last night and they mentioned something they’ve seen recently. Doubt it’s the same that you’re dealing with. If you don’t feel comfortable telling me which schools specifically (either here or through PM), that’s fine with me.

 

[ScottyP]

Sorry to hear you are going through this especially at a young age. I went through it myself but was more when I was junior high/early HS age and there wasn't nearly the attention to it back in the 90's as there is today. Both my daughters (5th and 2nd grade now) have had some minor/isolated incidents at school that we've coached them through pretty successfully so far. The main thing we've had them do is if it's mostly something going on in the classroom then have your kid find a time during the day when they can approach the teacher without other kids around if possible, such as right before or after school or maybe be the last one out for recess and tell their teacher they need to stay behind to tell them something. That's worked pretty well for the situations we were dealing with because most of it was just 1 or 2 kids that were disturbing them during class and when the teacher has 20 or so kids to pay attention to at once they don't always notice it. After they talked with the teacher alone the teacher then paid more attention to what the kid(s) in question were doing and then were able to notice it and address the behavior and move them to a different part of the room away from them and curb the behavior. We tell both our girls that our last resort is for us to have to start communicating with the teacher about it if possible because once we do that it could possibly make the situation worse if the kids know we went to the teacher so the ideal thing is for them to appropriately make their teacher aware of what is going on while not doing it in a manner that looks like they are being a tattletale or crying wolf.

Had one of these small situations just last week with my oldest at soccer practice. Apparently 1 of the girls was spitting water at her when they were on the sideline and 1 time when my daughter was on the field and this girl was on the sideline she was shaking up her water bottle and attempted to put grass in it before another girl stepped in and told her not to then told my daughter when she came to the sideline what the girl tried to do (I am hoping to run into 1 of her parents sometime to let them know they should be proud of what she did!) My daughter said she tried to tell her coach about it but he didn't say anything but when he has a dozen or so kids to pay attention to while practice is going on he's probably not paying much attention to the sideline. Told her the easiest way to avoid the situation is when she is not on the field during a scrimmage or game to have her water bottle with her and stand closer to the coach instead of down the sideline where he is not near them as the girls tend to socialize or mess around when they are not on the field. No one is going to spit at or mess with her bottle if you are standing with coach and it also shows him she is engaged in practice too.

Hope you find resolution to your situation, every one is different so there is no perfect way to handle them. If something physical is happening document it, take photos if needed as that is the point I'd probably engage the school. Verbal bullying especially at a young age is a little more difficult to document because unless there are other witnesses willing to verify what is happening with your kid then it's basically a game of he/she said where 1 side is going to deny it. Tactfully having your kid make their teacher aware of what is happening in a 1 on 1 setting so they hopefully will make a point to pay closer attention to what is going on around your child is my preferred way to start the process. Also coach your kid to remove themselves from situations when the bullying happens too. They don't necessarily have to retaliate but if it's recess just walk away and head in the direction of a teacher or someone supervising recess as the bully likely is not going to follow and try something in sight where they would be caught.

If you confront the parents about this, please don’t say something like this. Be kind. They might not even realize their child is doing this.

 

[Clark]

If you confront the parents about this, please don’t say something like this. Be kind. They might not even realize their child is doing this.

I think he is talking about the parents of the child that was looking out for his daughter

 

[CYdTracked]

If you confront the parents about this, please don’t say something like this. Be kind. They might not even realize their child is doing this.

I may need to elaborate on what I mean by that as I probably didn't write it clearly. I don't want to nor do I plan to say something to the parents of the girl that was spitting water at my child. I want to compliment the parents of the girl that told my daughter that the other girl was trying to put grass in her water bottle and told my daughter about it because she was playing on the field when it happened. I think her parents should be proud that their daughter did the right thing and was looking out for my daughter. Too often acts of kindness go unnoticed and I told my daughter I hope she thanks that girl for doing the right thing and looking out for her like she did.

 

[Bipolarcy]

I can’t believe I have to ask this but I’m at a loss. Some of you may remember my oldest (12) being threatened to be stabbed last year and nothing happening about it.

Well now my middle one is in KG and has been dealing with bullies since the first week. We found out last week when he came home with a full lunch and said he couldn’t eat. He said he was too upset about two other kids in his class punching him in the head during lunch. The lunch monitors did nothing. They do it in class and his teacher told him “tell them to stop”. He won’t bring his water bottle anymore because the kids made fun of him. A kid at recess told him he couldn’t play basketball or he’d “kick him in the nuts”.

I know kids were never immune to bullying but it seems the school system can’t do anything about it anymore. He’s a really gentle kid most of the time but he’s absolutely big and strong enough at his age that he could really hurt someone retaliating.

Where is the line between sticking up for himself and walking away? What can we pressure the school to do if this keeps happening? I don’t know what to tell him.

Sounds to me like you need to go to a school board meeting and read them the riot act to let everyone know what's going on.

 

[ScottyP]

I may need to elaborate on what I mean by that as I probably didn't write it clearly. I don't want to nor do I plan to say something to the parents of the girl that was spitting water at my child. I want to compliment the parents of the girl that told my daughter that the other girl was trying to put grass in her water bottle and told my daughter about it because she was playing on the field when it happened. I think her parents should be proud that their daughter did the right thing and was looking out for my daughter. Too often acts of kindness go unnoticed and I told my daughter I hope she thanks that girl for doing the right thing and looking out for her like she did.

Got it. Thanks.

 

[Tre4ISU]

Kindergarteners like to tell stories. And they like to overstate what happens. I wouldn’t put it past a kid to bully your son. But I think even the most incompetent kindergarten teacher would put a stop to it.

Talk to the teacher. See if she knows what’s happening. See if you can observe the class. Talk to the principal and have the lunch monitor watch your kid closely.

Certainly don’t tell your kid to fight back.

I’m m not saying this isn’t happening to your kid. But the truth might not be exactly what he says. Especially if he knows he can get his parents worked up about it.

Clearly they're not. The kid couldn't eat and won't take his water bottle to school. This blind defense of teachers/the school system is maddening.

Also, to hell with this "Oh, you can't fight back" ********. That's why this is an issue with every age group in society. There are way too many people that have become way to comfortable thinking they can do or say whatever they please without consequence. I'm not saying you just clock everyone around but if my kid's getting hit in the head and nothing is being done about it, there is zero chance I'm going to condemn them for fighting back. Everyone wants to stop bullying without anything really happening to the bullies. That's just not reality at this point.

 

[carvers4math]

My husband went to a private school for part of his school years and faced more bullying there than at the public school. There are jerks/bullies everywhere.

My husband went to private school too. He was not bullied but felt horrible for not standing up for those who were.

When oldest son started kindergarten, we looked into it, but went to a meeting for future kindergarten families and did not feel comfortable around the other parents.