Hey Rev...have you read any of the "Five Love Languages" books? Just finishing the one for parents about children. Have read and applied the one for marriages, but am learning some new strategies with the boys. Well, mainly the oldest, since he's just starting to show his primary love language, the youngest still likes them all equally...so Z's probably not near developing at that level, but it's a good read, and definitely fits in with a topic I think I've heard resonate in some of your comments, how 'discipline' can cause more harm than good, especially in certain forms with certain kids.
For example, although he's a little young (theory being that a true primary language doesn't form until about 5 or so) we're seeing the 4 YO (well, 4.5 if you say it in front of him, he's very insistent onnat) show tendencies of 'quality time' as his primary love language.
Two things we've changed:
First, he's not a morning-happy person, so school mornings have tended to be rush jobs of prodding him to keep moving to be ready to go while Mrs is rushing to get ready as well, and I'm just getting going with my late schedule and just trying to function/help. Obviously there's good mornings and bad mornings, but it seems that if it starts out bad, it gets worse. Well, on Monday, when I could go to bed at a decent time, I got up earlier and had my dressing, etc. done before he got up, so I could just sit with him while he ate and not just pass by and say "keep going, gotta go". It went pretty darn well, so if I can figure out a way to get up earlier, I am going to try that, but the math just don't work out as it is with a 2nd shift schedule.
Second, those times when he's just in a mood and really whiny, when he can't break out of it and goes complete meltdown (at home), we've tended to send him to his room to get it out/under control and then re-set with hug/talk/etc. and resolve the issue once he's calmed down, but it didn't seem to work well or feel right. In reading, if his love language is quality time, when he's upset about something and we do that, what he gets is isolation, not his love language. Working on alternatives that resolve the issue while still teaching that "I'm going to throw a fit now" isn't a proper response to something upsetting him (we really don't need more game loss threads, right?).
Anyway, rambling, I s'pose, but I think the love languages concept/model is a pretty worthwhile one...I know it works with me and the Mrs. when it's applied well.