It's no kickball or dodgeball, but I can give a birth class highlight reel.
First, I screwed up my introduction and was the only person not to state my job so good start. I had felt good about the size of my bump prior to this and upon arrival and sizing up the other bumps, I realize I don't feel good anymore. Well, for sure thought I was smaller than one lady and then in her intro she mentioned she's having twins so yeah. DH pointed out that I am one of the furthest along but for real, one girl I'm calling "2 day pregnant girl" because I'm pretty sure that's how far she is. 26 weeks my ass.
There was more time than I expected talking about peeing in the basement as storms were coming in and instructor was overly describing what we would do should the sirens sound. Speaking of the instructor, she is hella chipper. She's also a doula (coincidentally part of the group that I had met with to check out) and I mentioned to DH that I would not pick her cause I'd probably kill her. Overly cheerful people really annoy me. DH thinks it's because I'm a terrible person. DH also found it annoying though so he's terrible too. The husband of 2 day pregnant girl who kept making faces at his wife is likely in agreement.
During the first video, one couple got up and left at the end. I'm like damn, she going to faint? Need help peeing? I was so invested in thinking about why both had to leave. Then at the end I go out to pee and turns out it wasn't her, it was him. He's laying in the hallway cause watching 12 minutes of some lady's labor and birth (it did have a couple crotch shots but actually less than I expected) did him in. I'm like 90% sure when I walked back by and the instructor lady was checking in that the mom to be was asking about who else could be her birth partner/support person. Oh, guy in the birth video itself commented how once his wife got to 7cm, he couldn't really help much and knew he had some time, so he TOOK A NAP. DH is like oh yes and I'm like I will hurt you.
While describing how to know if your water breaks and describing checking the smell, color, DH leans over to me and said "what about taste?"
We did the practice breathing at the end - though I think more time was spent on discussing peeing in the basement than the breathing - and it was relaxing. She suggested the support person tap on mom to signal slow beats of a breath in and out. DH did so and I was like aww, how sweet. Then I noticed the ******* was rapidly increasing the rate of the tap because he thinks he's funny.
Think I left for the restroom three times in the 2.5 hour class so that's what I'll use as my score count. Technically, I think that means I won because no other woman left that often.
