New member here and also newly divorced. So married 10 years and moved here following my two young kids. I got on match and really miss the real thing of meeting someone before wasting my name chatting with ladies that are not as described. Here comes the sad part - new to the area (don't know anyone) and work in a very small office.
I don't tan, shave my body or wear bedazzled pants - if you do, I don't judge!
So let me hear what others have done or are doing?
I'm marrying a woman I met through a dating site in 26 days, so it can work.
You have to do the work though and sort through a lot of "interesting" candidates.
First, you have to make a decision if you're ok dating someone with kids or not. A lot of single moms on dating sites, which makes sense because it's hard to meet people when you have a kid to watch more often than not. Remember that this decision is up to you. You don't HAVE to be ok with it. You aren't a creep for not wanting to date a single mom.
Second, you have to decide what you are really looking for. If you just want to meet up and be casual then you can't represent yourself as someone looking for more. It's not fair. If you really want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, you really shouldn't try dating a girl who is just trying to have fun. It won't work out.
Finally, you have to know what kind of woman you are trying to get and what kind of woman you CAN get. There are women who smoke, drink, do drugs, and any combination of those. There are also women who are VERY against all of the above. You have to find out what you're ok with and find someone who's ok with you.
That's all before you actually talk to a girl. It takes a lot of work to get yourself out there. A lot of girls say that what you message them is really important, and in a lot of ways it is. However, if you look like a homeless person in your picture, they don't care if you say the most perfect things.
Have a friend take some flattering pictures of you in flattering clothes. You want to look nice but not like you are overdoing it. Pay some money for a good haircut (if you have hair) and have the pictures taken in a nice setting, preferably outdoors with good lighting.
When you do message girls, don't start with "Hey baby" or anything corny or smarmy. Say something about what you read in their profile (which means you actually have to read it), be polite and easy going. Personalize the message so it doesn't look like something you copied and pasted to 150 different girls. Don't message a girl over and over trying to get her attention. If she doesn't see the first message and message you back, then it wasn't meant to be.
It can be hard messaging back and forth and have it not go anywhere. That's part of the game though. You have to gauge what they are looking for. If you are too eager to set up a meeting, they will get creeped out. If you chat too long before you meet then you will have nothing to talk to on your date and it will be boring. Have some good solid getting to know you topics in mind and if those go well, ask if they would like to get together sometime. If they said that they do drink, ask them out for drinks or dinner. Someplace casual, not too fancy, but not a dump.
When you meet them you will have to figure out what works for you and for them. Some girls are super shy and will need to be prodded for details. Some girls monopolize the conversation. You want to balance asking them questions and offering up info on you. The more you politely ask about them, the more they will think you are interested in them.
Also, be prepared for the girls appearance to not match her picture very well. It's just going to happen and both girls and guys do it. Don't be a jerk about it. You will probably end up on dates that are destined to fail, but you should try and stay polite and use it as practice rather than getting upset about it.
I went on a date with a woman who revealed withing the first 20 minutes of the date that she was a recovered meth addict. I kept an open mind, but I was polite and later told her it wasn't going to work out.
Keep your options open and get yourself out there as much as you can. DON'T sleep around though. If you are going to do the deed, you should wait until you are sure you are going to be in a relationship with the person. Unless of course that's all you wanted in the first place.
Online dating is a lot more acceptable than it used to be. It also works better than it did in the 90s. Just be yourself and see who you can find.
