I tried to walk like an Egyptian.
Now I need to see a Cairo Practor.
Now I need to see a Cairo Practor.
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Kids telling jokes at the State Fair
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196K views · 2.4K reactions | How do pickles enjoy the Iowa State Fair? They RELISH the moments. | Iowa PBS
How do pickles enjoy the Iowa State Fair? They RELISH the moments.
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Kids telling jokes at the State Fair
196K views · 2.4K reactions | How do pickles enjoy the Iowa State Fair? They RELISH the moments. | Iowa PBS
How do pickles enjoy the Iowa State Fair? They RELISH the moments.
Nuh-unh, it's no big dill.
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
"I'll have a......................gin and tonic."
Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
Polar bear hold up his arms, "I'm a polar bear."
"I'll have a......................gin and tonic."
Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
Polar bear hold up his arms, "I'm a polar bear."
I know I saw it somewhere, maybe it was yours. If it was, thanks.
Another is:
There are two types of people in this world.....
Those who divide people into two types and those that don't.
I always liked:
There are three types of people in this world...
Those who understand basic math and those who don't.
Why did the chicken cross the road.
To prove to the racoons it could be done.
To prove to the racoons it could be done.
I have a buddy who has been telling a version of this joke for well over a decade.
I have seen this one for a couple of years now.
My wife told me to take out the spider instead of killing it.
So I did. We had a few drinks, he's a pretty nice guy, and he's a web developer.
Also, a new one to me.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop using Star Wars puns.
I guess the divorce is strong with this one.
My wife told me to take out the spider instead of killing it.
So I did. We had a few drinks, he's a pretty nice guy, and he's a web developer.
Also, a new one to me.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop using Star Wars puns.
I guess the divorce is strong with this one.
But that's the joke. It's all about the delivery. It reminded me of a Norm McDonald joke.
A guy comes home from golfing with his buddies.
He tells his wife, "Scuttle in the locker room is that the mailman has slept with every woman on our block except one."
The wife replies, "I bet it is Paula"
He tells his wife, "Scuttle in the locker room is that the mailman has slept with every woman on our block except one."
The wife replies, "I bet it is Paula"
If you read old jokes while thinking about Norm McDonald telling that joke, it’s way funnier
In honor of our brethren across the pond. An Irishman walks into the local pub and orders 9 beers and quietly drinks them all. He orders another round of eight and again finishes them off. This goes on and on l, one less each time. Lastly, after ordering just one he looks at the bartender confused. He says “I don’t understand! The less I drink, the drunker I get!”
A variation of this with same punch line was in national lampoon dirty movie. If you like off color dirty humor it's a great watch.
Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf. They step up to a par 3.
Jesus is up first. He drives the ball short, into the water trap in front of the green. So Jesus, being Jesus, walks on the water, chips the ball onto the green and putts for par.
Moses is next. He drives the ball into the same water trap. So Moses, being Moses, parts the water, chips the ball onto the green, and putts for par.
The old man is up. He drives the ball and it's heading for the water trap. Before the ball lands in the water, a fish jumps out and catches the ball in its mouth. Before the fish lands back in the water, a bird swoops down, snags the fish, and begins to fly away. As it's circling over the green, a bolt of lighting strikes the bird, causing it to drop the fish onto the green. The ball pops out of the fish's mouth, and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we're not gonna bring you next time."
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: “I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics, Business Administration, and was promoted, began to climb the corporate ladder, becoming the General Manager, and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”
The second guy says: “Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”
The third guy says: “Well, well, well congratulations! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some very nice and expensive thing to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq. ft. mansion especially for his friend.”
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons. The fourth friend who earlier had gone to rest room returned and asked: “What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?”
The fourth man replied: “My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”
The three friends said: “What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.”
The fourth man replied: “No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. In addition, he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq. ft. mansion, a brand new jet, and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends?”
The first guy says: “I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics, Business Administration, and was promoted, began to climb the corporate ladder, becoming the General Manager, and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”
The second guy says: “Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”
The third guy says: “Well, well, well congratulations! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some very nice and expensive thing to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq. ft. mansion especially for his friend.”
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons. The fourth friend who earlier had gone to rest room returned and asked: “What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?”
The fourth man replied: “My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”
The three friends said: “What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.”
The fourth man replied: “No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. In addition, he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq. ft. mansion, a brand new jet, and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends?”
