Hospital tour stuff!
So I drove since I picked up DH. Going a different route because of rush hour traffic, we get close and I say let me know where I'm turning cause I'm not sure. He's like "at the normal hospital turn" A street name would be good here, no? Anyway, I confirm it's the one we're coming up to and then have to get over decently quickly but not like "you're a jackass" quick. I had more than enough room but the Dodge Charger behind me was clearly trying to prevent me from getting over and sped up to try and block me out. Side note, why are Dodge Charger drivers all ********? I've noticed this. It's like truck nutz, I just know you're going to be an ass.
Anywho, so I'm getting over anyway cause I need to turn, but I can't immediately cut in because there's a girl on a bike in the lane ahead of me we're coming up on and I'm trying to not bump draft her. I don't know if Charger ass didn't see or didn't care that she was there. Mind this is all at like 15mph so it's not like any of us were speeding anywhere. Anywhoodles, I finish getting over and Charger ass honks at me. Bike girl realizes I got honked at because I was waiting for her and mouths "sorry" at me. I give her the "it's fine" wave and give a one-finger wave in my rearview. Suck it, Charger ass.
Tour time. You probably won't be surprised to hear that I had three pages of questions (it was double spaced to give me room to write answers!) None of the other people even had a pen out. Most of my questions did get answered throughout the tour but I did ask like 4 things. I quit after that cause I was the only one asking questions and I felt weird. They have soaking tubs in the labor rooms and the guide says that while support persons/partners are allowed in the tub, they are required to wear clothes. The mom's can be naked though. I meant to ask DH if he felt discriminated against. Though I can't blame the staff. Pregnant lady ass? Fine. Naked hairy man ass? Oh hell no.
We go through the labor area and you can very clearly hear a woman in labor and it does not sound like she's having a fun time. At this point I have decided that I do not wish to continue with this having to go into labor thing because it seems unpleasant. My face must have relayed my feelings because I look up to catch the eye of random future dad on the tour and his face was definitely "yep, I heard that too, damn I'm glad I have a penis."
Then we went by a snack area and this dad goes in and actually gets a cup of coffee from the coffee machine. Said it was good.
While they are telling us about the food ordering and options, the lady says oh and don't forget to order your sparkling cider to celebrate your new arrival. **** that, where is the champagne?!
Also, though I already sort of knew this, one of my questions in postpartum is how often the nurses come bug you. Every HOUR she said. Oy. Also, they are "baby-friendly" (as opposed to what, baby hostile????) which means the baby stays in your room the whole time. So even if you wanted to be like hey let them go to the nursery for a couple hours so you can get a touch of rest, that won't happen because they don't have a nursery. I'm sure it will be fine. I can do this. But for real, what goes on at a baby-hostile hospital? Do they make the babies work for their board??
